SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know its wrong and I'm not saying I would or that I would even want to. But I just feel like he did this to me and all he has is guilt. I want to make him hurt as much as he has hurt me. Does anyone else feel that way?

Yes of course I have wanted revenge. Who wouldn't? I want my WH to suffer as much as I did, but I am not capable of doing this because this would not only really hurt myself, but the person I am trying to protect from more suffering - my son. To cause harm to my husband is to hurt my son's father, and that's not accceptable. It's a no-win scenario as far as revenge is concerned. The OW is not worth revenge. I have a very respectable job and the risk of getting arrested for any kind of mischief against her makes it not worth the effort. She has nothing to lose, no boyfriend, no career, no friends, no dignity. A pathetic thing (read "They always affair down" thread). How can I take anything from her if she has nothing?

You are worth more than cheap revenge. Trust me. The feelings you are experencing are valid. But don't act on them. Vent here instead.

Hell yeah!

One of the single hardest things I have ever done in my life has been taking the high road in this journey through infidelity hell. I am proud of myself for doing it but there have been moments where I really wanted revenge. Don't do it - you are better than that. The A has taken so much from you, don't let it take your self respect. It's not easy, I know.

[This message edited by Textbook Case at 5:28 PM, January 10th (Monday)]

The best advice that I have received and can pass on to you is: The best revenge is living happy! Don't lower yourself your worth more then that....and remember what goes around comes around and it usually always does at some point in time.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a normal response. Keep it confined to journals or daydreams. Don't let it get the best of you.

Absolutely... but I wouldn't even know how to get it!

Yes yes yes. I imagine it all the time. My WS picked up some woman on the internet at a hookup site. I know exactly where she lives because I found the directions to her apartment in the truck.

I want to go to her place and slap her silly. I want her to know that the wife that she knew about is a real person. I want her to know how much she hurts people when she meets with their husbands for a fling.

The only thing stopping me is that I do not think that she cares one bit or she would not be picking up strangers on the internet to begin with.

Lost, the answer is a resounding YESSSSSS!! But I would not/could not stoop to the level of degradation that he has. An affair with another man would not make me feel better...it would make me feel worse about myself. And as far as the OW is concerned...I know who she is and where she lives...there is no way that I would give that insignificant piece of garbage any importance what so ever. I have dreamed about telling all her neighbors what a skank she is, but I would never act on it. She is dust on the bottom of my flip flops.

Oh My God Yes, I even had it played out in my mind. Then I received the best advice I have ever gotten:

THE BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE WELL...I have done this and it really is the best revenge.

Of course!!! I even said to H during a conversation about how he would feel if I did it to him, that I should go and do it to him. Of course I would never do that, and his response was "that wouldn't help things any". No shit sherlock!

I think about it each and every damned day of the week. I struggle with it more on certain days than others and in certain situation than others but so far have been able to keep it confined.

I know that it's not going to solve anything and I certainly won't want to join the wayward side. That being said, I'm living in a sexless marriage for the most part and it's getting really tiring.

Imagination start to run wild and "slappin the clown" gets old. Yes YES YES I think about it. However, please don't go down that path.

FTD

What I wanted was to feel loved and lovable. Attractive, desirable. I also knew that an RA would just not be good for me, the OP or my marriage. My kids would have suffered.

So I had an RA w/ meself. and learned how to love me and realize that I am lovable, desirable and loving myself has become enough.

Validating with an OP was not going to get me what I wanted at all.

As crazy as this may sound this is the 6th time I have been through with my husband and let me tell you it is last. I have learned from past and two things I have learned is that when someone you love and trust hurts you the way a cheating spouse does going out and find someone else will hurt him but will also hurt you, 2 times ago I did move on a little I met someone at work and I did go out on a few dates nothing ever happened other than one small kiss but I felt so cheap and dirty and that was just a kiss on the cheek. I drove home that night and cried so hard I felt like the worst person in the world and now I know that I have to heal even before I let someone take me out. And the second thing I have learned is that what will really cause pain for your husband is by you just going about your daily life and showing him you can make it with out him. my husband has only been gone a little over a week but this time I and getting up everyday and going to work and keeping the house clean I am staying busy just so I am not home. And I can already see it in his eyes that it is killing him, when he talks to me i try my hardest not show any emotion. Good luck and dont rush anything

REVENGE ON YOUR CHEATING SPOUSE = LIVE WELL? LIVE HAPPILY?

REVENGE ON THE OTHER MAN/WOMAN = THEY ARE STUCK WITH YOUR CHEATING SPOUSE.

FUCK THEM BOTH?

IMAJ,

You're absolutely right.

Yes.

I have very much wanted revenge against the OW. I could sue her--I have the grounds , I have the evidence, it would be slam-dunk case. But I realize that it would only play into her hands. She is all about the drama. She would love to appear in court and get on the stand and tell everybody who would listen her twisted version of events. It would be horrible and not at all worth it in the long run. So, I will not play into her hands by even dignifying her existence with a response. As far as I am concerned, she is no longer in my life, so she no longer exists. I believe that FWH feels the same.

Oh yes.

I have some pretty vindictive thoughts toward the OW. Honestly, if she ever gave me a reason to act on them (i.e. trying to reestablish contact) I don't know that I wouldn't do so.

However, even after everything she did to contribute to my pain (and she was a friend so not someone who was ignorant of WH's status) I have taken the high road in all ways. I am proud of myself for being a bigger person.

Of course, if I saw her on fire I wouldn't cross the street to piss on her, but that's not the same, right?

Yes, definately yes.

Although the affair ended 3 mos before I found out (from her via email), I still thought of ways to get back at both of them. I was hoping for some stupid email about them having sex at her workplace so I could send it to her boss. I'd have done the same for my WH, but he didn't have a job.

I've thought about all kinds of things I could do to him, but...I don't want to end up in jail and he doesn't have any life insurance.

I think the better question is has anyone not wanted to seek revenge since its SO NORMAL!

It does get better. Find safe alternatives to act them out. Whether you write it out as a fantasy, daydream it etc....