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I am certain he would if the opportunity presented itself. BH is a lot bigger and stronger than AP. He would do some damage.

Yop that's the trouble I had I am hardwired for it. When I was young I lived in Brooklyn and was in a gang at a young age. But a cop paid for me to go to mma instead. But that impulse is still there. I know how your dad felt. If I did not have children to protect I would be in prison right now. It has been my ultimate test of patience, self control, and "manhood".

BS here.

Would love to but don't want to end up in jail. I did write her an e-mail very early on saying I wouldn't actively seek her out but wouldn't be responsible for my actions if I ever saw her, and I meant it. Put the wind up her, she told her BH when she moved out for a while that she spent her time creeping round town with a hood up in case she was seen. And for 6 months refused to tell him or her 2 adult children where she was living in case word got back to me.

Probably would have except for two things:

1. Never physically attacked anyone (did throw a salt shaker at WH)

2. If I got arrested, charged, or even a RO against me it could cost me my job.

WH told me that the OW is afraid of me.

I have had extremely realistic "daydreams" and dreams about beating her to a pulp, but more commonly about other things (they keep a large amount of pot in her house and she does in home babysitting, so I have considered phoning in an anonymous tip to the police.

Oh, and I did have a very fortuitous meeting with the other BS who was on his way to our house with a hammer in his rucksack, supposedly to put nails in my H's car tyres. But I didn't know he'd stop at that, and I spent a very uncomfortable hour in his car talking him down, pointing out how it would adversly affect not just his life but mine and those of both sets of children.

There are always non-physical, legal ways of getting back at an AP, several of which I've done.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Those of you that did hurt the AP were there any legal complications?

I just talked to my BH on the phone. He said that there would probably no chance that he would ever see the loser. He said if I didn't want him to consider beating up AP I wouldn't have had the A. Unfortunately I wasn't thinking on consequences like this.

I know BH thinks that AP "got away with it" since AP and OBS renewed their vows 6 months or so after D-day. BH thinks that AP knew his wife would never leave him so he could get away with it. BH is upset that AP portrayed himself as a friend. I believe, but I can't speak for BH, that he compartmentalized things like I did.

I am the BS and NO, I have not hurt the OW physically.

The OW on the other hand, with her continued stalking is causing emotional harm to both me and my husband and to her own husband.

Therefore I am collecting the evidence I need to hurt her legally.

She has twice lied to police regarding her stalking.

If I can prove this, she can actually be put in jail.

Ironically she will be put in jail, Not for the stalking, sadly, but for obstructing a police investigation by telling lies.

[This message edited by seethelight at 1:19 PM, September 15th (Monday)]

The only thing that stopped me was that I didn't want to throw everything I worked so hard for away on a former drug using loser who still lives with his mother at the age of 40. I came pretty close when he posted something on his facebook about how I didn't have the balls to go after him and that I was a pussy. The fine folks on here actually talked me down. His brave talk was despite when I actually did see him on the street the day after I found out and pulled up next to him and just stared at him hoping he would do something, he did nothing. Instead he just stared ahead and drove off. Also he called my wife and told her I was following him and when my wife offered to meet him somewhere to stop any trouble he refused as he didn't want me showing up. The one thing I can say, is that if I ever find out I have only so long to live, we'll see who has balls.

[This message edited by 99lawdog99 at 1:25 PM, September 15th (Monday)]

I thought about hurting him both physically and financially.

Physically I declined because that would make any pain he felt in betraying our friendship easier to deal with. At least that's how I saw it. If I covered him in bruises, he could watch them heal and tie the emotional and physical pain together. Leaving it purely emotional pain would, knowing him, fester for much longer.

Financially, he was in the process of getting a medical retirement from the military, just as the current round of downsizing was starting to be seriously talked about. While not always found to be against the UCMJ (military law), affairs can be considered to have "brought shame to the" branch and can be used as grounds to administer punishment. It could, though probably wouldn't, have given an excuse to cut-costs for the branch and to deny him immediate pension benefits. This one I didn't follow through on because it would have hurt his wife and kids, who didn't do anything to deserve that pain.

BS here.

I've got over 7" and 50lbs over both OM's, as well as I'm an ex-bouncer, great fighter and with very high testosterone. Laying a finger on the OM would never cross my mind as I pity such lowlife losers that have to rely on poaching on another man's territory.

I hope your BS can feel free to discuss this with other BS's here. I can understand the initial anger against the OM as it's a natural reaction for any man, but once you really look deeper into the type of person the typical, standard OM tends to be, it's more of a pity/pathetic thing in reality that curbs any desire at that point... it kinda becomes the equivalent of wanting to slap around someone kid that is mentally retarded or a down's syndrome child, etc. etc. psychologically.

I'm a BS, and I'm ashamed to say Yes, I punched her fair in the face. She grabbed my daughter in the street and was screaming at her. I saw red, and reacted (very badly).

ETA: No legal complications for me; it was viewed as defence of a minor, but AP now has a PPO against her, and a conviction for assault of a minor. Funniest thing though...she called the police, not me; she's done that twice, and ended up being arrested both times!

[This message edited by Allornothing at 5:36 PM, September 15th (Monday)]

This is a timely thread because BH just stormed off to go kick OM's ass. He lives an hour away. I am hoping that his senses return before he gets there. We had been arguing most of the evening. Not sure what to do...

ETA - Just wanted to update that BH just went on walk.

[This message edited by tangledknot at 9:43 AM, September 16th (Tuesday)]

I hate to answer a question with a question, but I'm curious.

Have you ever considered the possibility the AP would hurt your BS? Have they ever stalked your BS out of jealousy? Don't the AP get tired of waiting?

What about your children? What if you divorced and married (or moved in with) the AP and they became a mean step daddy to your child?

Just saying. It's something to consider. I've seen that happen more often than the BS ever attacking the AP. Not everyone loves other people's children as their own. It's not always a package deal.

I haven't had the opportunity yet as OW lives in another state. However, her SIL (who is a good friend of mine and friend of the marriage) informed me that the OW will be visiting over Thanksgiving. We live on a very small military installation and the possibility of running into her is great. If I see her, I want to say I will behave as if she doesn't exist or matter. Unfortunately, I have a short fuse and I will most likely punch her in the throat.

[This message edited by silentscream13 at 6:31 AM, September 17th (Wednesday)]

As a WW: No, he didn't hurt the AP. He wanted to but he didn't, he didn't want to risk his career or any legal consequences and we have kids.

As a BW: No, I never even talked to them. I am not a violent person, I have only ever hit someone in self defense. I wouldn't allow the people that already took so much from rob me further of my true self.

silentscream13...

This thread is not for BS's to name call the OP...this is the WS forum, please post respectfully.

Thank you.

Apologies for the name calling towards OW (My WH actually calls her that more than me). Edited and fixed previous post.

On an aside, I am truly hoping that I can walk away without even acknowledging OW. She is very unrepentant, plus a serious attention monger/needy person. I believe that if both myself and my WH ignore her it will upset her more than if I was physical.

Thank you SilentScream

TheEdge

To answer your questions:

Have you ever considered the possibility the AP would hurt your BS?

No, I don't think the AP would ever hurt my BS. From a phone call that we received almost a year and a half ago, OBS and AP were trying to forget about us. I also don't think OBS would ever physically hurt me. She stated in a text that I got on D-day that I didn't have to worry about her hurting me because she said I would "live the rest of my pathetic life" dealing with what I had done.

Have they ever stalked your BS out of jealousy? Don't the AP get tired of waiting?

No, there has been no stalking. Besides the one phone call from OBS last April, there has been absolutely no contact.

What about your children? What if you divorced and married (or moved in with) the AP and they became a mean step daddy to your child?

We don't have any children so this is a moot point. Plus I would never consider leaving BH for AP, even if he was available. I love my BH too much and I am committed to rebuilding our relationship to ever step out of my relationship again.