Part One ~ Cheap Forgiveness An Inauthentic Act of Peacekeeping That resolves Nothing Part Two ~ Refusing To Forgive A Rigid Response That Keeps You Entombed In Hate Part Three ~ Acceptance A Healing Gift to Yourself That Asks Nothing of the Offender Part Four ~ Genuine Forgiveness A Healing Transaction, an Intimate Dance
Spring divides the concept of forgiveness into two adaptive options ~ Acceptance and Genuine Forgiveness. Acceptance is a healing journey you make by yourself, for yourself…Genuine Forgiveness is a healing journey you make with the offender, as you honor his reparative efforts to make amends.
Forgiveness: How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life by R. Sidney B. Simon & Suzanne Simon excerpt:
What Forgiveness Is Not Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not condoning. Forgiveness is not absolution. Forgiveness is not a form of self-sacrifice. Forgiveness is not a clear-cut, one-time decision.
Forgiveness is a way of reaching out from a bad past and heading out to a more positive future. ~ Marie Balter
What Forgiveness Is Forgiveness is a by-product of an ongoing healing process. Forgiveness is an internal process. Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. Forgiveness is letting go of the intense emotions attached to incidents from our past. Forgiveness is recognizing that we no longer need our grudges and resentments, our hatred and self-pity. Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish the people who hurt us. Forgiveness is accepting that nothing we do to punish them will heal us. Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. Forgiveness is moving on.
BH and I have compiled a library of approx. 30 books, but these two have been the most shared and discussed.
Good Luck
[This message edited by looking forward at 6:43 PM, December 30th (Wednesday)]
How Can I Forgive You? The Courage To Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.
I found this book to be absolutely invaluable!
It will be geared more toward the WS but it was good for both me the BS and my WH. We both each learned alot!!!!
Good luck!
Good one. This one gives you permission to just accept it and not necessarily forgive it...helps you move forward even if you can't forgive.
Also Forgive for Good by Fred Luskin is a good read.
If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.
The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Gary Chapman's Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
and
Gary Chapman/Jennifer Thomas' The Five Languages of Apology
if you're religious, you might ask your pastor for some Bible passages that might help (or books on the subject). One thing that convinced me to R#3 was the story of the prodigal son, how even though he royally messed up, his father took him back with open arms (showed me that family is still family, no matter how screwed up they are - and fWH is my family and has been for over 20 years).
Have you watched the LMN original movie Amish Grace...it's a story of forgiveness, even though the subject matter is different than infidelity.
And please consider watching Fireproof (starring Kirk Cameron) together...we watched this sometime after D-day#3 & it had me weeping. Or maybe getting the LoveDare book that was written & goes along w/the movie.
[This message edited by repeatBS326 at 7:41 AM, February 8th (Tuesday)]
After two years or hard work on both our parts, I've come a long way towards forgiving my partner but I still feel the pain of his betrayal.
