1) Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass This book was the start of my own healing, and understanding that what I was experiencing was common in infidelity. If I had only one book to recommend to anyone experiencing infidelity, this would be it. *****
2) Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce Gabriel Cohen I heard this author on NPR, and something resonated with me. The book was profoundly instrumental in my healing. And I am not a Buddhist. *****
3) Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life: A Reasoned, Practical Guide to the Legal, Emotional and Financial Ins and Outs of Negotiating a Divorce Settlement Sam Margulies
Of the MANY books I read on divorce, this one was the most sane. *****
4) The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat Elizabeth Landers A very quick read. Kind of silly, yet it proved to be remarkably accurate. In the past 3 years I have read it several times, and I come away, feeling oddly better, as if what is unfolding in our marriage and divoce is just par for the infidelity para-course. ****
5) The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life by Susan Anderson
Many people on this board have recommended this book. I too found it helpful, though not life changing. ****
6) Loving What Is: Four Questions that can Change Your Life By Byron Katie
This book gave me the essential tool set (the four questions and turn around) to stop the looping mind chatter and recognize how much "story" I had about who my husband was. *****
7) Happily Ever After: Walking with Peace and Courage Through a Year of Divorce by Kristin Armstrong
The Christian author, was the wife of bike rider Lance Armstrong. Some good daily insights that were, and continue to be helpful to me. ****
Other books I remember as making me laugh (at times):
Little Bitty Lies: A Novel Mary Kay Andrews
Summer read kind of book, with infidelity as part of the plot. Funny ****
Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home by Rhoda Janzen
The authors husband left her... for a man. Funny at times, snarky too. The Mennonite thing adds an interesting twist and is really about moving on. ****
Happens Every Day: An All-Too-True Story Isabel Gillies
I remember reading this book and thinking too self "umm hmm, same for me, yes, most of us go through this too". *** stars.
[This message edited by luv2swim at 3:03 PM, July 4th (Sunday)]
divorced 2009
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW. Divorced: 2009 WS + OW: Married and still together (as far as I know).
Sexual Detours by Holly Hines, really explained the dynamics of the affair, the FOO issues, and convinced me the A was not my fault.
Crucial Conversations, a great book on discussing emotional topics. Written for business, but applies in the M.
Love Languages, crucial to our R, we now understand so much of the mis-understanding of our M.
No More Mr Nice Guy, we both read it.
For understanding the psychology of infidelity:
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass
Private Lies by Frank Pittman.
Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships by Diane Vaughan
For rebuilding my marriage:
The Secrets of Happily Married Men by Dr. Scott Haltzman.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman For my spiritual growth and rebuilding:
What Happy People Know by Dan Baker
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 10:18 PM, July 4th (Sunday)]
Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.
Private Lies by Frank Pittman
Split: A Memoir of Divorce by Suzanne Finnamore
Fiction: Watermelon by Marian Keyes
Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser. Warning she is a WS, could be triggery. It wasn't for me. She was remorseful, marriage ended anyway. It was a lot about how crisis can help us grow. She mentions stories of other people (not infidelity related) who have gone through major crises and made it through.
Still looking for a copy of The Road Less Traveled made the mistake of buying a used copy of the expanded version with slightly different title and it's not as good.
Why Men Marry B*tches Title is misleading! It is a book more about having good boundaries while dating or in a new relationship, and how to go about that. It is not a book about wife-bashing.
*Thank you for Storms Can't Hurt the Sky rec., that sounds like something I'd be interested in.
**I've read so many self help books, a lot of them were not helpful to me.
A Short Guide to a Happy Life
In one of her novels she became so pissed off at her protagonist that she simply threw him off a bridge on the final page.
2. You, Him&the Other Woman-very in-depth with stages,feelings, how to break up a triangle
3. The Script-amazingly accurate
4. 5 Love Languages-makes perfect sense
5. Divorce Busting/Divorce Remedy-describes the 180
For helping me through the grief following separation: How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams, et al
For the manic days following D: Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford
For perfectly summing up the rollercoaster of S and D: Split: A Memoir of Divorce by Suzanne Finnamore
For learning to deal with the carnage of the whole ordeal: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
[This message edited by Traumatic at 1:35 AM, July 12th (Monday)]
Even now, when I hit a down spot, much of the time it's because I am having expectations of her that are beyond who she is.
Not sure if that actually made sense - I need coffee.
Not helpful: Divorcebusting. How I wish I had never found that website and book.
Not Just Friends by Glass, the most comprehensive
Sexual Detours by Holly Hein
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin by Bonnie Eaker Weil (good introduction book to FOO issues).
Kwills
