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User Topic: After the Affair and chemistry
timestandsstill
♀ 29921
Member # 29921
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, January 3rd (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a paragraph on pp. 73-74 talking to the unfaithful partner, but really about chemistry in relationships in general.

It says that high chemistry between two people may be triggered by an unhealthy model of love. Low chemistry "may mean that you've chosen a partner who allows you to experience yourself in a more positive, more fulfilling way than you did as a child."

Anyone else read this and scratch their head? I'm kind of rewording it in my mind as advice to not use feelings of excitement as a judge of a good relationship, but the word "chemistry" makes me think more of general compatibility.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 160 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: PA
lucie
♀ 6773
Member # 6773
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't read the book. So, high chemistry isn't necessarily good?


Very happy, the rest doesn't matter anymore.

Posts: 5778 | Registered: Mar 2005
socold
♂ 17400
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've heard a good amount of feedback that this book is not one of the better ones... thus I've never read it. If someone can expand on this, I think it could be helpful. Also if someone is game to help out, this thread in JFO could use the same information:

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=388849


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
ladyvorkosigan
♀ 8283
Member # 8283
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, January 7th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think by high chemistry they mean highly volatile. By low chemistry they mean not volatile.

I do see a lot of people - even BSs here - who take the view that if a couple doesn't fight that they're passionless. Which is weird to me. I don't yell at people, I don't want them yelling at me. I certainly don't reserve my worst behavior for my husband. Why would I treat my co-workers better than I treat him?

So high conflict relationships are probably being confused with chemistry here.

I see chemistry when somebody gets your references and you delight one another.


It nagged him, in particular, that none of the girls hed known so far had given him a sense of unalloyed triumph.

Posts: 14226 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: Florida
timestandsstill
♀ 29921
Member # 29921
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, January 14th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That makes more sense, LadyV.

I preferred Not Just Friends to this, but this book had some useful parts too.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 160 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 5

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