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After the Affair and chemistry

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timestandsstill posted 1/3/2011 17:55 PM

There is a paragraph on pp. 73-74 talking to the unfaithful partner, but really about chemistry in relationships in general.

It says that high chemistry between two people may be triggered by an unhealthy model of love. Low chemistry "may mean that you've chosen a partner who allows you to experience yourself in a more positive, more fulfilling way than you did as a child."

Anyone else read this and scratch their head? I'm kind of rewording it in my mind as advice to not use feelings of excitement as a judge of a good relationship, but the word "chemistry" makes me think more of general compatibility.

lucie posted 1/7/2011 05:09 AM

I haven't read the book. So, high chemistry isn't necessarily good?

socold posted 1/7/2011 08:49 AM

I've heard a good amount of feedback that this book is not one of the better ones... thus I've never read it. If someone can expand on this, I think it could be helpful. Also if someone is game to help out, this thread in JFO could use the same information:

ladyvorkosigan posted 1/7/2011 08:51 AM

I think by high chemistry they mean highly volatile. By low chemistry they mean not volatile.

I do see a lot of people - even BSs here - who take the view that if a couple doesn't fight that they're passionless. Which is weird to me. I don't yell at people, I don't want them yelling at me. I certainly don't reserve my worst behavior for my husband. Why would I treat my co-workers better than I treat him?

So high conflict relationships are probably being confused with chemistry here.

I see chemistry when somebody gets your references and you delight one another.

timestandsstill posted 1/14/2011 14:38 PM

That makes more sense, LadyV.

I preferred Not Just Friends to this, but this book had some useful parts too.

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