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strongfaith (original poster member #27065) posted at 3:36 AM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
Not just A-related.
Our problems are:
communication
listening
differing needs
opening up to each other
stress
all the usual a married couple faces, I guess. Any good ideas on something we could use as a tool together? As in read it together with exercises or something to help us learn?
Thanks.
February 2011: I love my husband.
manAscending ( member #26919) posted at 3:56 AM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
I recommend Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson. This book really altered the way I see love relationships and was a fundamental part of my IC sessions as a wayward spouse looking to change. You can check out more about it at www.holdmetight.net.
Other standard reads that you might see mentioned here are The Five Love Languages, and also Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
repeatBS326 ( member #22068) posted at 2:58 PM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
5-Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray (I had the audio cassette of the "MM/WV:In the Bedroom" version quite a few years ago. Not sure it helped, but it was quite interesting to hear his take on the opposite sexes).
Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008
7yrsbetrayed ( member #10198) posted at 5:03 PM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.
It's not overwhelmingly long. It cuts right to the root of all the things you've got listed there. It gives you specific exercises to do with your spouse to improve those things.
7
Me(44)
Him(46) arthurdent (rSA)
Married 12 yrs, together 15
Renewed Vows 12/19/08
One DD(8)
You can avoid reality but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.~Ayn Rand
Rollercoaster ( member #1298) posted at 8:21 PM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
The Divorce Remedy by Michelle Weiner (I think).
Me BS 59, WS 59
Reconciled
Faithsurviver ( member #30860) posted at 9:54 PM on Friday, March 4th, 2011
I have 3 books that I have read, maybe not for my former marraige to xwh ( even though I would consider R if his "fog" would lift :P )
1. "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman (author of the 5 Love Languages)
2. The Love Dare (goes along with the book Fireproof)
3 Love Secrets for a Lasting Relationship
Good Luck! 
BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 2:38 AM on Sunday, March 6th, 2011
Like others have said, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is an excellent book. It has exercises and it is completely focused on the most common issues in a M.
We started Hold Me Tight but it required more emotional awareness than FWH can muster at this point. He's trying, but he's just not there yet. If your H isn't in tune with himself emotionally, you both would have a hard go of it. If he is, I'd highly recommend this one. It doesn't address practical matters, but it gets to the heart of emotional disconnections between spouses.
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
BigMo3516 ( member #30487) posted at 4:12 AM on Sunday, March 6th, 2011
Gary Chapmans "Now Your Speaking My Language". Hits on all of your topics and in great depth with great application methods. It's also covers briefly what his other books mentioned here cover so it has it all.
"Others often have an awareness of, or question, what we think we have been able to conceal or cover."
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 7:19 AM on Sunday, March 6th, 2011
For the Woman:
The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less by Scott Haltzman
For the Man:
The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever by Scott Haltzman
For Both:
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
For Stress:
The 14 Day Stress Cure: A New Approach for Dealing With Stress That Can Change Your Life by
Morton C. Orman
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
itsjustnotfiar ( member #30537) posted at 10:13 PM on Sunday, March 6th, 2011
Surprisingly, these books were awesome for marriage improvement.
Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love (Paperback)
by Mort Fertel
Love Dare - Steven Kendrick. There's also a movie about this called Fireproof. Horrible acting but really hit home with us.
BS (me)- 44
WW - 42
PA - 10/2004 - 11/2004
EA - 10/2004 - 11/2010 (6 yrs)
DD - 11/25/2010. Nice Thankgiving present.
Together 22 years, married 15 years
2 kids - 10, 8
FB=A
temporaryinsaniT ( new member #31322) posted at 12:26 PM on Monday, March 7th, 2011
"Fighting for Your Marriage" it covers all of the areas that your looking for.
repeatBS326 ( member #22068) posted at 2:16 PM on Thursday, March 17th, 2011
Forgot:
Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas.
Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary Chapman
And, here's an oddball one but can help M if $$$ issues are a weak point in the M:
The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
It's surprising how being out-of-debt (or out of credit card debt) can lighten the stress in a M.
Me/BS:39(former cybersex addict 1992); fWH:41; DS:15; DS:11; OW:34; OC:10
Together: 22yrs; Married: 18yrs
D-day#1: Jan99, then FALSE R (subsequent conception of DS#2)
D-day#2: Told about OW/WH pregnancy July2000
D-day#3 (same mOW): 19sep2008
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