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How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual

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HopeandFear1 posted 5/12/2011 08:15 AM

I found this book on Amazon... not sure what to expect. I read it in one sitting and WOW - the author gets it. If your betrayer is willing to read this, (s)he will know what you will need if you have any hope of rebuilding.

BTW - I'm not sure my marriage will survive, even with this book, but the book validates my feelings so well.

Epiphany posted 5/13/2011 09:36 AM

I downloaded the book from the author's website and printed it out. It is definitely an awesome read! Now I just need to work up the courage to present it to my WH to read.

Everything will work out as it should. Be strong!

Just-a-Statistic posted 5/13/2011 17:29 PM

I read it too and so did my H. It was like water off a duck's tail on him. Just said that he did all that already begore he even opened the book. He certainly does have a very exaggerated view of what he has done in our R so far. Gets it? I dont know....

Crazy Daze posted 5/14/2011 03:10 AM

I gave it to WS to read but he is still rugsweeping and playing the blame game so he probably didn't even bother to read it.

SisterMilkshake posted 5/14/2011 09:06 AM

HopeandFear1 - I agree with you that the author gets it, and that it is very validating. If our WS's read and did what is suggested it would go along way in our healing journey's.

My FWH read the book. Nothing much changed as he has read "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass and the thread by HUFI_PUFI called "Things that every WS needs to know" and the book was redundant of everything he has already learned from his other reading. If the WS hasn't read anything else and just this book, I could see were it would be a huge eye opener for them.

Best of Luck, HopeandFear1!

@Epiphany - why do you need to work up the courage to present it to WH to read? WH should be bending over backward for you and all you should have to do is say "I need you to read this book and do what it is telling you to do. Thanks!" JMHO

itsjustnotfiar posted 5/17/2011 15:25 PM

This book changed my WW. The fog lifted the day she read this book. I cannot recommend it enough.


SisterMilkshake posted 5/17/2011 17:04 PM

@itsjustnotfiar - The book had the same effect on GeauxTigers FWW. I think that is great! Yay! for anything that gets the fog lifted. Best of luck!

Cee64D posted 5/17/2011 18:29 PM

Throwing in my praise for this book. As close to a toolkit you could get.

Epiphany posted 5/20/2011 16:26 PM

@sistermilkshake - I had issues with making my feelings and requirements known. I stepped out of my comfort zone after reading your post and have gotten nothing but AWESOME feedback, truth, and transparency. Thanks for the "push"!! He's read the book and said that it was a real eye opener and showed him how he fumbled the ball the first time out.

SisterMilkshake posted 5/20/2011 20:44 PM

@Epiphany - I am so happy to hear that my little "push" was all you needed to ask your WH to read the book. Thanks so much for the feedback. I wish you and your WH the best of luck on your healing journey.

oldtimer97 posted 5/22/2011 03:05 AM

Dropping by this forum and reading through this post, I have a question. I might have got this and had FWH read this a few years back. Does this book/download have a warning for the BS not to read it, that it's for the WS only (essentially letting the WS read it and work the magic)

SisterMilkshake posted 5/22/2011 09:19 AM

@oldtimer - The book is by Linda J. MacDonald, M.S., LMFT and I didn't see that warning anywhere on this book. And I read it cover to cover. The copyright printing said it was first printed in November 2010. I hope this helps you.

Clarrissa posted 5/22/2011 17:27 PM

As a FWS, I have to second the recommendation for this book. My H (Cee64D) got it on just the thread by GeauxTigers.

I've read it. Did it in one sitting. It's great for those who really don't like reading much. It's straight to the point with no tangential side trips. "This is what you did, this is how damaged your BS is by it and this is what you need to do to fix it."

What I personally got out of it was a few "I'll be damned" moments from the list of pre-determining factors she lists. Some of which I never even considered as part of the problem.

oldtimer97 posted 5/23/2011 18:35 PM

Thanks SisterM,

It does sound like a different one then, particularly if it was 1st print in 2010. The one I got for FWH goes all the back to around 2000. With the recommendations this one is getting, I might just shell out a few bucks...even at this late date a few new pointers wouldn't hurt FWH

sudra posted 5/24/2011 13:12 PM

My H was doing everything he could prior to reading this book but since reading it, he's like a changed man. The difference is amazing. I cannot recommend it enough.

bigpicture3236 posted 6/4/2011 10:01 AM

I also bought this book after GeauxTigers' post. You can't get much clearer on what a WS should do. However, I also agree that unless you have a WS who is willing, they will not be very receptive.

kbstr posted 6/9/2011 02:04 AM

Can someone post the link as to where to buy this and download online?


glastron posted 6/28/2011 17:02 PM

You can get the book from
I read the book and asked my WH to read it (we are separated). At first he refused said it wouldn't change anything. Then he said he would read it. It is a very good book that is right to the point. But if your WS is still in the affair fog, NPD or lacks humility it is not going to make a difference. That is where I am right now. Wish I had a spouse that had remorse and empathy and wanted to reconcile.

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