SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

letmego posted 5/20/2011 08:26 AM

Has anyone read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder? My new IC wants me to read it.

jollum posted 5/20/2011 08:51 AM

I began reading it early on during my reading frenzy after DDay. Unfortunately for me Dave Carder wording triggered me terribly and I gave up on the book and workbook. He mentioned several times how the BS had to own up to "their part in the affair" and I just did not want to read any more of what he had to say. A couple of people in my BAN group have read it and were able (with struggle) to get past that and say it is very good. Just be forewarned.

wifehad5 posted 5/20/2011 09:47 AM

This was one of the first books I read that gave me hope. I don't remember the blame thing now, but in my defense, I read it at the point where I wasn't able to sleep because it was all so new

Overall, I think it was more helpful than harmful

Newtwood posted 5/21/2011 19:43 PM

I'm with jollum. I had to chuck it. I refused to take any blame in my H's A. Not then-Not Ever.

Myheartstillhurt posted 6/8/2011 13:59 PM

I also started reading this shortly after the discovery. Hate this book. Like you said, wants me to own up to my part. Which part would that be I wonder? Maybe the part where I was sacrificing everything for his dream to get through school and supporting the whole family? Maybe the part where I got seriously ill with my last daughter and diagnosed with a heart problem? I think this guy can shove it. Liked the book until it tried to tell me I was at fault. Eff that! My WS and I had a much better relationship when he apparently thought it was bad than we do now.

Etexas posted 6/8/2011 15:23 PM

I am with Jollum, started reading it and didnt agree with it my part of the affair. None of it was my fault.

Hearthache again posted 6/23/2011 22:46 PM

I read it most of it. I didn't get the blame feeling from it though. I did like how he described the different kind of affairs.