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letmego (original poster member #30381) posted at 2:26 PM on Friday, May 20th, 2011
Has anyone read Torn Asunder by Dave Carder? My new IC wants me to read it.
As of Oct, 2010:
BW(me) 35; WH 36; employee OW 21 Together 18 years, married 9 (onlies..until OW)
DD 3, DS 7;
D-day 7/2010
D Final Nov 30, 2011
jollum ( member #25152) posted at 2:51 PM on Friday, May 20th, 2011
I began reading it early on during my reading frenzy after DDay. Unfortunately for me Dave Carder wording triggered me terribly and I gave up on the book and workbook. He mentioned several times how the BS had to own up to "their part in the affair" and I just did not want to read any more of what he had to say. A couple of people in my BAN group have read it and were able (with struggle) to get past that and say it is very good. Just be forewarned.
wifehad5 ( Administrator #15162) posted at 3:47 PM on Friday, May 20th, 2011
This was one of the first books I read that gave me hope. I don't remember the blame thing now, but in my defense, I read it at the point where I wasn't able to sleep because it was all so new 
Overall, I think it was more helpful than harmful 
FBH - 52 FWW - 53 (BrokenRoad)2 kids 17 & 22The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Newtwood ( member #21154) posted at 1:43 AM on Sunday, May 22nd, 2011
I'm with jollum. I had to chuck it. I refused to take any blame in my H's A. Not then-Not Ever.
Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him
OW(s): AFF Skanks/GRANDMOTHERS!!!
Status: Struggling Everday to
Survive
what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France
Myheartstillhurt ( member #32430) posted at 7:59 PM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2011
I also started reading this shortly after the discovery. Hate this book. Like you said, wants me to own up to my part. Which part would that be I wonder? Maybe the part where I was sacrificing everything for his dream to get through school and supporting the whole family? Maybe the part where I got seriously ill with my last daughter and diagnosed with a heart problem? I think this guy can shove it. Liked the book until it tried to tell me I was at fault. Eff that! My WS and I had a much better relationship when he apparently thought it was bad than we do now.
BS(me) 34
fWH 38 (Epicallyfailedu)
OW/xBFF of 28 years
Four girls under 11
DDay: 6/5/2010
Etexas ( member #29567) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, June 8th, 2011
I am with Jollum, started reading it and didnt agree with it my part of the affair. None of it was my fault.
Me-BS 40
Her--WW 39
D-Day 9-1-10---she spent the whole summer talking to him
Stuggling through R
Hearthache again ( member #28564) posted at 4:46 AM on Friday, June 24th, 2011
I read it most of it. I didn't get the blame feeling from it though. I did like how he described the different kind of affairs.
Me-BS(34)
Him-WS(37)
Married-14 years together 15
Kids 4: 17, 14, 10, and 5
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
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