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Newest Member: Foolfernobody (61825)

User Topic: How can I forgive you & After the Affair
emotiona hell
♀ 31781
Member # 31781
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone read these to books?
Are they similar in content?
I also meant to ask if these books are also similar to How to help your spouse heal after your Affair

[This message edited by emotiona hell at 10:17 AM, October 6th (Thursday)]

Me BS 41
WH 43
DS 12 DD 21
Married 23 years
DDay 6/26/10
Filed for divorce 11/23/11

Posts: 218 | Registered: Apr 2011
♀ 17686
Member # 17686
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, October 6th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read How Can I Forgive You and After the Affair, but not the How to Help Your spouse Heal book.

I got much from the How Can I Forgive you, not so much from After the Affair.


We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3638 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
♀ 29547
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, October 24th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read all three--each has its own nuggets that you can take away and use.
None can make it better but can help in understanding.

DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 335 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
♀ 21154
Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, November 8th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read all 3 also.

My rating is
1 How to Help Your Spouse

2 After the Affair

3 How Can I Forgive You

Each has it's own merits. Just pick through the books to find what helps you the most.

I skipped through How Can I Forgive You. It's just a personal thing for me-I couln't forgive. I live alongside (co-exist) instead; (the A) not my marriage or H that is. It is unforgivable for me.

I think if it moves you forward and if forgiving is something you need in order to heal the book may be helpful to you.

The How to Help Your Spouse Heal was really the most helpful because it basically lays out a How-to of what the WS can do to help the BS.

I also highly recommend Getting Past the Affair (Drs. D Snyder, D Baucom, and K Coop Gordon). If you are in IC/MC you can use this along with your therapist for understanding and moving in the direction you want to go. It's a lot to digest though (long and a bit clinical lots of thought provoking questions to consider). My H and I would read a chapter and then thoroughly discuss it until we felt we were edged through whatever topic it covered. You need to have a willing partner for this-it easy

Good luck and hope this helped.

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 4

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