Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
Other than the Markman books, I'm not familiar with the ones your therapist recommended. The Markman ones are good general relationshihp advice.
HOWEVER, I want to caution you against rushing in to "fix the relationship" so that there won't be another A. Affairs do not happen because the relationship is flawed. They happen because the WS uses a very unhealthy way of coping with what are common relationship issues. The recommended approach is that before the general relationship issues are addressed, the A has to be dealt with. Think of it like triage in an ER. If someone comes in with a gunshot wound to the gut (the A) and a sprained wrist (typical relationship issues), the most serious threat to survival has to be addressed first.
Plus, WS's who haven't fully come into remorse (see http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=406548) aren't really in a position to work on the other issues. Defensiveness, blameshifting, etc. get in the way.
Our MC and the kind folks at SI directed us toward a different set of books for dealing with issues after an A. I'll list them below for you.
Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley Glass (this is the most recommended book on SI- for a very good reason)
How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald (for your WBF)
Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend
The Five Languages of Apology and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring
The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships by Harriet Lerner
[This message edited by Fighting2Survive at 8:12 PM, October 22nd (Saturday)]
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces