SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

InLoveWithMyBFF posted 10/22/2011 01:50 AM

I have not read them yet, but my therapist said these are good relationship self-help books.

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts by Dr. Less Parrott II

Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard Markman

12 Hours to a Great Marriage by Howard Markman

A Lasting Promise by Scott Stanley

Wedded Bliss by Barbara Metzger

I hope these help. I am definitely going to check these out soon.

Fighting2Survive posted 10/22/2011 18:01 PM

Other than the Markman books, I'm not familiar with the ones your therapist recommended. The Markman ones are good general relationshihp advice.

HOWEVER, I want to caution you against rushing in to "fix the relationship" so that there won't be another A. Affairs do not happen because the relationship is flawed. They happen because the WS uses a very unhealthy way of coping with what are common relationship issues. The recommended approach is that before the general relationship issues are addressed, the A has to be dealt with. Think of it like triage in an ER. If someone comes in with a gunshot wound to the gut (the A) and a sprained wrist (typical relationship issues), the most serious threat to survival has to be addressed first.

Plus, WS's who haven't fully come into remorse (see http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=406548) aren't really in a position to work on the other issues. Defensiveness, blameshifting, etc. get in the way.

Our MC and the kind folks at SI directed us toward a different set of books for dealing with issues after an A. I'll list them below for you.

Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity by Shirley Glass (this is the most recommended book on SI- for a very good reason)

How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair by Linda MacDonald (for your WBF)

Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud & Townsend

The Five Languages of Apology and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To by Janis Abrahms Spring

The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships by Harriet Lerner

[This message edited by Fighting2Survive at 8:12 PM, October 22nd (Saturday)]

Taurusinpain posted 10/22/2011 20:05 PM

We did the workbook for the Les Parrott book and they were OK. Unfortunately FWH was in the midst of his As at the time.