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SI Staff posted 11/9/2011 08:05 AM

IslandWahine posted 11/9/2011 10:48 AM

Thank you! I'm at work so I can't post more!

altered posted 11/9/2011 16:28 PM

Hey! Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. Things are ok here, OC has visit this evening. OW hasn't really been bothering H except griping that H is working all the time and she cannot dump OC on him all the time. OW and BIL go out of state for Thanksgiving so I am looking forward to it

feeling bi polar posted 11/10/2011 13:09 PM

wow things are getting contentious with the visitation with OC. baby mama drama has reared its ugly head again. Visitation order states the WH gets child on deliniated holidays. OW is now demanding that visistation be only for a few hours during the day of the holiday. They are to also alternate for the eve of the holiday. WTF we live 3 hours away from her. how is this "in the best interest of the child?"

I can hardly wait for the next court date in February to get this thing ironed out. I think she is doing this to be controlling and manipulative. She has been advised that e reduction in CS is imminent and she is upset. so much for co-parenting and doing things that will make it easier on the child.

feeling bi polar posted 11/15/2011 09:12 AM

OW leaving the country today. Supposedly to see family. I am so hoping for a caastrophic airline accident ( like she falls out the door.
Alternately I am hoping she will end up like THe knox girl arrested and jailed for many years. I so want her to be out of my life.

I have the OC today. I am watching him while WH works.

So the other part of me feels like I am giving up my life to provide for OC. My children are grown and on their own.

I wanted to experience a bit of the empty nest.

disrespected666 posted 11/17/2011 13:22 PM

Anybody have anything positive happen this week?

My WH and I have had a couple of positive MC sessions lately. I think we're really starting to get on the same page in this situation and starting to formulate plans to get me what I need while still moving forward on satisfying his responsibilities in this situation. We're currently negotiating on child support calculations and parenting plans so it's not getting easier for us yet but at least we're communicating better.

WitheringRose posted 11/17/2011 22:21 PM

Been MIA for awhile... Just working a lot and dealing with life stuff. Lots of things going on with OC...

Baby momma has now been denied for disability three times. She had yet another MRI today, this time on her back. I guess she is gearing up to apply once again.

We had a court date two weeks ago. H and I were able to talk with caseworker and mediator. They are completely on our side, and said they would like to see us with at least joint if not FULL custody! Turns out that baby momma signed an agreement with us and did SI fraudulently. She was receiving welfare money for OC and lied to us claiming she received nothing but state medical! So basically she was getting supplies from us and then money from the govt that she could spend however she pleased. When talking to the caseworker this all came out. She pushed our next court date to mid January and told us not to give her ANYTHING until after that. She also gave us the number to the welfare fraud hotline and a direct number to someone with Social Services here in our county with explicit instructions to call both! So baby momma has been reported to both now, and we are just waiting to see what happens. We have OC here for a few hours once or twice a week...

On Monday we had her again. Went to change her diaper and not only is she in a nasty hard generic brand diaper, but she has a horrid rash. I'm sorry, but my kids both have very sensitive skin and can only use pampers diapers... And when we were supplying those diapers for OC, she never once had a rash like this. Bitch puts her in these heinous smelly cheap diapers. Why??? She gets more money from the fucking government than I get working! And I make sure i have the money for my children to have what they need. If the stupid woman would just not smoke a pack a day, maybe she could afford the diapers that won't make poor OC so red and uncomfortable!

OC was also just dx'ed with asthma. And baby momma smokes in the house with her there. :( of course even after we catch her in the act she tries to lie her way out of it. She lies about everything, and then seems to believe all the bullshit she is spitting out. Her three year old was dx'ed with autism... Gosh I feel so bad for that little girl. I worked with autistic children several years ago, and I know firsthand that it can be difficult. We have witnessed baby momma hit the three year old for not wanting to get in the bathtub. What's going to happen when she resists using the bathroom? Or has a complete meltdown? Baby momma has no idea what she is in for, and I just know she will resort to physical violence.

God, please let social services intervene...

I am better emotionally. I am ready to throw the Uterus under the bus and run her fat ass over in court. We want full custody so we are going to fight for it.

feeling bi polar posted 11/18/2011 17:58 PM

We are in the same boat withering. ((hugs)) and good luck with getting custody.

I woldn't hold your breath on the reporting to social services though.
We have done that 2X and OW has gotten a slap on the wrist and "counseling" and assistance with parenting.

We currently are keeping OC as OW is out of the country. I am still wishing she gets arrested or worse while over there. She did get detained and searched by immigration or customs. Too bad they couldnt just keep her.

Disability must be the new trend for people. OW has applied and been denied 3x that I know of. She and many other "single" parents are looking to the govt to support them and their lifestyle.
What ever happened to having a work ethic and some pride in being able to be self supporting?

I think this and many other things are the reason for the economic condition.

A friend in a similar situation got custody of her niece and the disabled sibling. Her brother was killed and the baby mama was *#$@#$ and psycho.

My friend hasn't heard from her (baby mama) since being granted full custody of both girls.

I hope our filing goes as well.
Good luck again with the custody.

IslandWahine posted 11/18/2011 22:06 PM

Hello everyone. Been around, trying to not trigger too much with the holidays. Holidays are huge for me because it goes back to the insane amt of $ the cOW gets. I worked so hard to get us in a great financial position to now have us back YEARS.

Custody in this state is virtually impossible. The noncustodial parent (almost always the dad) has almost zero rights once the custodial parent has been granted sole legal/physical, which is automatic to the mother in the case of out-of-wedlock child.

Oh I'm certain the cOW tried to get SSI for herself and the OC. I'm hoping to get proof soon. She also tried to lie to the courts that she got no assistance, when in fact she got foodstamps (still does but its less thanks to a "concerned citizen" and reporting her income), heat assistance, wic, state healthcare (free for her as long as the OC is under 19 and the OC gets to keep it as secondary, so doesn't have to pay copays or the deductible). Luckily she pissed off the court clerk and she got called on her shit.

we are waiting to see if the cOW asks for xmas presents again. We told her since she lied about the arrears (she lied about $750 worth and they granted it!) That's xmas and birthdays for a few years. She was pissed.

Otherwise she has been quiet...for now. I'm sure in the next couple of weeks she will rear her ugly ass head and try to C for something bullshit.

Glad to hear everyone sounding positive about custody/etc. Somedays I wonder if I should push my fwh because I do worry about the poor OC, but then I remember how fucking crazy the cOW is and remind myself she is a danger to everyone, including my fam. I hate this state; she would literally have to fall off the earth in order for us to get custody. I work in the inner city and I know a student whose mom is a prostitute/crackhead, an admitted 1 to boot, and even though cps has removed the kids (4) several times, they just give the kids back saying that children are best with their mothers, no matter how crappy those mothers are. Its so sad.

We have fam coming into town so I will be busy cleaning and preparing for their arrival. Going to try and focus on the positives and enjoy my fam for the holidays.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 7:51 PM, February 29th (Wednesday)]

disrespected666 posted 11/20/2011 15:33 PM

This is about so much more than dealing with a cheat, a tramp, and a child; this is about redefining your world and recognizing things you never thought possible can and have happened and by someone with whom you have entrusted your heart and life. It's about accepting the fact that your dreams have been crushed and finding a way to dig deeper to be happy despite a feeling of profound anguish and hopelessness. This is unimaginably hard and it takes so much time and self reflection to get to the point of healing open wounds so that they become healed scars. Never gone, never as it was; always sensitive, but not in pain every moment of every day.

I wish you all some peace this week.

[This message edited by disrespected666 at 9:39 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]

disrespected666 posted 11/20/2011 21:28 PM

Anybody have any advice on when or how to tell the COM? While my WS and I continue to struggle through this situation for ourselves, I shudder to think of what this is going to do to her perspective on parents and relationships. We are suppose to protect our children from the cruelty of the world and give them a stable, safe, and happy unbringing.

How do we explain it where she can understand that it was wrong but still respect and trust her dad? How is this going to affect her feelings about men (and women too for that matter) when she grows up? She's only 6 so I know it's way too soon but I don't want to wait too late either and have it be an even bigger shock since we will be establishing a relationship with OC to the degree that we can. I feel sorry for both the OC and COM for this horrible situation. If it's this difficult for us, imagine what it means for both of them.

When will I be emotionally ready to tell her?

[This message edited by disrespected666 at 9:48 PM, November 20th (Sunday)]

IslandWahine posted 11/21/2011 11:00 AM

(((Disrespected))). I plan on telling COM when they are much older at a family counseling appt. When we go to MC we bring them with us so its a familiar environment. I dread the day telling them, but I hope they see how we are happy and making things work and still see us as a family. But I do dread the day...

nutmegkitty posted 11/21/2011 12:03 PM

I am new to this thread.

My WS plans to move in with his whore next week. He got an apt in the same town as me. He wants to just introduce the girls to her and thinks we will be one big happy family.
Today I am getting a court order that my children not be in her presence until the divorce is final, perhaps even after the bastard baby is born.
I am trying, by going to MC with him, to get it through his stupid head that it would be incredibly unhealthy to just shove a new girl into our daughters' lives. The therapist is helping me with that. He thinks it will be a "smooth transition" . Um, no. It will be a huge shock to them. And dickhead doesn't get that.

repeatBS326 posted 11/27/2011 14:22 PM

My new job restricts internet usage & I cannot login @home without prying eyes. I have missed this forum so much.

How funny, trickle truths continue to plague my relationship. Well, I'm pretty sure I told everyone that BOTH fWH & OW planned the pregnancy, even during their 1st A, which ended months before R#1 & conception of DS11. Now, I found out that during OW's pregnancy w/OC, ILs were in-contact w/her. They were afraid IF we stayed together, I would not allow OC to be in our home & know COM...so they seemed all supportive in-person. They were plotting behind my back, saying they never wanted to see OC. They were building relationship w/OW by calling to check on her pregnancy (of course fWH was checking on her also, even though he denied it until recently). fWH said ILs wanted him to be happy, no matter who he ended up with, and they wanted relationship w/OC. Just when I thought I could trust ILs again b/c they deeded US (fWH/me) the 2+acres. I realize, they don't hold any allegiance toward me or COM @all. It's all about fWH's happiness & OC. They would have thrown my children out to dry & embraced OC/OW, if that made fWH happy. It literally makes my heart ache when I think about my children losing their family, and nobody even caring except me. I will never know if I made the right decision for me & COM. I was so caught up in the lies, thinking fWH had been trapped into OC's conception by a manipulator, that I did not see it was all about OW. At the time of OC's conception, I suppose my heart never came into the equation...and our toddler & newborn, well...I guess we were just complications. Who knows what fWH would have done if I'd filed D when DS11 was only 7 months old & I found out about OW's pregnancy. What hell would have been unleashed against me. I had no $$$$. Would my grandmother & family have pawned everything they owned to fight fWH & IL's so I could have kept joint custody? I felt so sad for OC, if she had not known fWH...as I had not known my father. But, the hatred DS11 & OC10 feel for each other now, and the turmoil DS15 goes through seeing my pain (he is my child w/great empathy for everyone)....what life would they have had, what joy have they lost by dealing w/OC & fWH/OW's 3rd A?

My children lost their childhood & seeing their mother's joy, by knowing OC & OW and being a continued part of their lives for 10+ years.

I feel agony for my decisions....I cannot ever know what a different path would have brought to our lives. I love my fWH, but is it enough to overcome the pain I feel in my heart???? OC has become a terror. Spending whole alternating weeks @our home disrupts our household. Every weekend visits was tolerable, but whole weeks of her temper & fights w/COM, and disrespect for fWH. I just don't know what is to become of our family unit.

Oh well. Thanks for letting me rattle on. I miss you guys & you are in my prayers. Those overcoming the odds & dealing w/OC and those who have gone NC & dealing with that also. Thanks for your continued support. God bless.

BMC0415 posted 11/27/2011 22:40 PM

I put this in general but in case you don't read there I have given up custody of the OC.

IslandWahine posted 11/27/2011 23:53 PM

((((Repeat))))! We were worried about you, thank you for checking in.

(((Bmc))) I read and posted. :-(

Be back later

IslandWahine posted 12/1/2011 18:21 PM

Hello! Just checking in on everyone.

I hope everyone is doing ok, I know for me the holidays/this time of year is incredibly hard because of dday and that's when paternity was discovered (end of Oct). Plus the money part of all this really upsets me during the holidays.

I wish everyone hugs, and peace.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 7:53 PM, February 29th (Wednesday)]

debi9kids posted 12/1/2011 22:46 PM

Hi ladies.
It's been a while since I've been online... dealing with SO much drama and just feeling very lost.
We are homeless. (well, we lost our home because our landlords in our rent-to-own decided that we didn't need heat this winter and we decided we did.) Unfortunately, we are having trouble finding a rental that fits 11 people, so we are...
living with my parents. {read: KILL ME NOW!}
I love my parents, but OMG! Returning home after 20 years away with a family and a struggling marriage...not so good.

Still NC with OC or OW and I hope we keep it that way.

Pissed we're paying for OC, esp. while we are struggling and they have a nice comfy home for her to screw more married men.

Went off on my WH 2 nights ago. Wasn't pretty.
I told him I hope OC dies tragically and that OW has to watch it happen.

I feel like such a bitch.

I'm sorry I have nothing uplifting to add.
The holidays are bad normally because of the A, but are 1000x worse because of our situation.

altered posted 12/2/2011 11:32 AM

It seems pretty quiet here, sorry for what everyone is going through. Holidays seem to just make things worse.

Things are pretty good with me. I am trying to get all my holiday shopping things done early, doin Flylady.net's Cruising through the holidays. It's hard to not think of the CS that could be so useful anywhere else going to OW. My IL's were talking about buying OW a laptop so she can go back to school, wanted to see if we wanted to pay $100 for 1/2. It's not like they don't get $272 a month from us already! H told me and I was not happy! I said that is something that her H should pay for, that is more than we should have to pay for 1 person's gift. I think H decided to give them about $30 to use toward the gift. It REALLY bothers me that when BIL works, he makes $12/hr, that they get about $800/mo from all the kids' dads from CS and live RENT FREE and we have all these bills and H is working 2 jobs. They also had 2 cars paid off until they just had to have another car.

I am so ready to move away from this freakshow!

[This message edited by altered at 11:33 AM, December 2nd (Friday)]

IslandWahine posted 12/2/2011 19:31 PM

altered, I know how you feel. My mom asked if we were going to get anything for the OC, saying it's not the OC's fault his mother is a garden tool, etc. But I explained to her that she already uses that kid with NC, she will make it so much worse with c. And she will thene expect additional all the time. My fwh pays more than enough CS. It bugs me that I had wanted to build an addition to our home; what he has paid out in CS, court costs, lawyers, etc. would've paid for my home addition. I know I know, I should n't be keeping a mental $ tab...I keep getting after myself about that.

(((debi9))) I am superstitious so I don't wish ill on the OC, so I wish for the cOW to find a man of her own, the man adopts the OC, and they all disappear and live happily ever after, never to be heard from again.
But I know the feeling of wanting your life back, knowing it's changed forever because of the stupid mistake our WSs made, knowing that $$$ will be leaving the home to provide for this OC (although in our case it provides for the cOW) for at least 18 years. I don't know why but the $ part bothers me so mcuh more than the fact my fwh has an OC!

My fwh feels terrible this time of year too, so I've been trying my best to NOT come down on him. He was in tears the other nite because I was complaining about how we have outgrown the house, how I want a bigger house/more space (I want an addition vs. moving because I love our land/lot), etc. He blames himself (as he should), he beats himself up enough so he doesn't need me doing it.

I think I mentioned it before, I picked up a tutoring position for some extra cash, I'm bumming because the position ends week after next and I can't start back up again until February. So I will miss that extra $. I do coaching at the school I work at, and I will get a nice check come February and all that gets saved for our summer vacation.

Everyone please keep your head up. We can support each other and keep each other sane this holiday season.

[This message edited by IslandWahine at 7:52 PM, February 29th (Wednesday)]