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Has anyone read Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?

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QVee posted 2/2/2012 22:23 PM

Anyone read this book? Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing by Ortman. Any good?

If not, I'm buying it, and writing a book review for everyone.

Thera77 posted 2/2/2012 23:25 PM

Haven't read it - but there's a radio interview w/ the author here: http://stressreliefradio.blogspot.com/2011/05/may-22nd-guest-dr-dennis-ortman.html

The radio show hostess blathers on for a while - but eventually she lets him talk.

ETA: spelling

[This message edited by Thera77 at 11:31 PM, February 2nd (Thursday)]

ItsRocky posted 2/3/2012 06:16 AM

I read the free sample, downloaded on my Kindle. I did end up buying the book and I am about 25% through it.

I had some issues with it. I was raised Roman Catholic, married in the church. I stopped practicing a couple of years after his first affair. I had been very active up until then. I sought advice from priests when there were issues in my marriage. I sought help after the first D-day.

Dennis Ortman starts his book by explaining that he cheated. But he immediately says he violated his priestly vows. And coupled with the advice I got over the years, that turned me into a damn doormat, it really bothered me.

Yes he broke very important vows. So from that perspective it is the same as a spouse who breaks vows. But it didn't have to deal with the damage to another human being. There was no walking wounded x-spouse who needed healing.

I think my resentment towards the bad advice I followed from priests just surfaced reading Ortman. It did provide some material for my IC appointments.

Someday I may finish it but I have to get to a different point in my healing. Because alot of his words just rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps non-Catholics would not even notice the ideas that hurt me so much. Maybe no one else would be bothered at all - maybe it was just me at the place I was at?

icbtih8 posted 2/3/2012 06:31 AM

Itsrocky,

I've read about 25% also. That part about him breaking his priestly vow didn't bother me that much (I'm catholic) but it made think "how in the world does that qualify you to write this book?" To me it has no real relevance. I was more annoyed than mad, though.

QVee posted 2/3/2012 08:04 AM

Yeah, I'm not Catholic, so I'd guess I'd just have to read it and see.

starstruck posted 2/3/2012 13:39 PM

I am about 25% through the book as well. I can see that I will be able to use some of his advice.
The trauma part has really resonated with me--the A was not a physically life threatening event but has been an emotionally life threatening event for me.
I feel that I have been suffering from PISD.

UR_AN_IDIOT posted 2/3/2012 20:49 PM

I have a copy I would send you for free.

I read it awhile ago along with 14 other infidelity books so I cannot remember exactly what I thought.

PM me if you would like it.

ItsRocky posted 2/4/2012 11:51 AM

Ok, I picked it back up and read more of it last night and this morning.

I am able to digest and process better at this point in my healing than I was when I stopped reading it months ago. I am also at the point in the book where he addresses the effects of infidelity on children of the marriage. So that may be different as well.

I agree with him so far, it should not be denied that infidelity affects children. It obviously happens even if the kids didn't know that infidelity was involved. That dovetails with my strongly held belief that age appropriate honesty is the best course for addressing it with children. I believe he is saying that the undercurrent of lies causes the most damage.

I don't think a parent is capable of shielding a child from the effects of infidelity in the family any more than they could shield a child from the reality of death. You can help them process the reality but there is no way to protect them from the resulting effects.

annb posted 2/4/2012 13:27 PM

I read the book bc of my PTSD, he is right on concerning trauma, rage, etc. Helped me understand that the emotional state I was in(and am still sometimes in) is something that is not uncommon after the TRAUMA of infidelity.

He equates the emotional trauma with that of rape victims, soldiers, accident victims.....all experience very different types of trauma, but the effect on the emotions can sometimes be the same.

leapyearbaby posted 2/5/2012 00:16 AM

I didn't like it. I hate great hopes, but it felt rigid to me...like 'here are 3 examples, you must into one of these categories'. I didn't fit into most of the and was really get frustrated by it. I didn't finish it.

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