Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
It was a no-go for me, along with "After the Affair."
"Getting Past the Affair" focuses mainly on how the marriage was vulnerable to an A, not about how the WS was. It gives a lot of room for blameshifting.
Our MC, who I really loved, placed the responsibility for the A squarely on FWH's shoulders, but for some odd reason she recommended "After the Affair" to us to read together. I read about 10 pages before I threw the book in the trash. I talked to our MC about it and said we were reading "Not Just Friends" and I wanted to stick with that.
It's what I'd encourage you to do too. And I'd ask the MC who bears the responsibility for the A. If the response is that it is a M issue instead of a WS issue, I'd find a new MC.
There's a reason "Not Just Friends" the recommended book here. It's the only one on the market that doesn't shift the responsibility for the A onto the M or the BS.
Another book I'd recommend for your WS is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. It's only 100 pages long, and it is a no-nonsense instruction manual for the WS. It's like reading the abbreviated version of SI.
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces