SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

CaliRidge posted 2/4/2012 15:39 PM

Our MC recommended we read "Getting Past the Affair" by Baucom and Snyder and said it was better than "After the Affair." The MC had never heard of "Not Just Friends" which seems to be the consensus recommendation here.

I don't know how much experience the MC has with affairs and I really don't want a book that is too easy on my WW.

Has anyone read "Getting Past the Affair"?

Thanks!

Fighting2Survive posted 2/4/2012 16:46 PM

It was a no-go for me, along with "After the Affair."

"Getting Past the Affair" focuses mainly on how the marriage was vulnerable to an A, not about how the WS was. It gives a lot of room for blameshifting.

Our MC, who I really loved, placed the responsibility for the A squarely on FWH's shoulders, but for some odd reason she recommended "After the Affair" to us to read together. I read about 10 pages before I threw the book in the trash. I talked to our MC about it and said we were reading "Not Just Friends" and I wanted to stick with that.

It's what I'd encourage you to do too. And I'd ask the MC who bears the responsibility for the A. If the response is that it is a M issue instead of a WS issue, I'd find a new MC.

There's a reason "Not Just Friends" the recommended book here. It's the only one on the market that doesn't shift the responsibility for the A onto the M or the BS.

Another book I'd recommend for your WS is "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald. It's only 100 pages long, and it is a no-nonsense instruction manual for the WS. It's like reading the abbreviated version of SI.

leapyearbaby posted 2/5/2012 00:21 AM

Slight t/j...I have heard a couple people express that 'After the Affair' blameshifted. First book I read and I never got that....perhaps b/c I never thought it was my fault. May have to go back and read it. It was a great help to me, although H took almost a year to read it.....

momdaughterwife posted 2/5/2012 09:38 AM

I think just the fact that you're both willing to read anything and discuss it is a good thing. Keep reading, and read everything. You can both learn from it all. That being said, Not Just Friends and How to Help Your Spouse Heal are excellent. I liked Surviving Infidelity. That one helped me personally. I feel that one gave a lot of good advice that I needed because I didn't know about SI until well after Dday #1. That's one I've read more than once.

cuckhold posted 2/5/2012 14:28 PM

I'll 2nd the book, "How to help your spouse heal after your affair." by Linda McDonald.

WantsToForgive posted 2/13/2012 07:45 AM

Just purchased "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" and sent it to my wife as a gift through Amazon for her Kindle. Will post later with her thoughts.

CaliRidge posted 2/13/2012 07:59 AM

Please let me know. I also bought that book for my wife, but I have not given it to her since we are starting with "Getting Past the Affair." The first chapter was okay, but we'll see how it goes and I'll post a review.