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justfriends posted 3/31/2012 12:06 PM

After D-day (over 4 years ago), I read book after book on affairs, and most of them were pretty helpful.

Now that I am no longer in R, I wanted to see what's good out there for D. He basically just up and left when I thought we were doing well. Totally blindsided. Anything you can think of that would help?

luv2swim posted 4/13/2012 03:19 AM

First of all (((justfriends))).
My experience is that no matter how long the lead in, the divorce process is still painful, and not something I could have well prepared for.

I found these books most helpful:

1. For good ideas on how to structure the divorce without ruining my life, his, or our childrens ---

Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life: A Reasoned, Practical Guide to the Legal, Emotional and Financial Ins and Outs of Negotiating a Divorce Settlement by Sam Margulies

2. For helping me to feel that I was not the only one going through some sort of "script", and that my now ex is not exactly abnormal, but in some sort of midlife "scripted" whatever that I no longer want to be part of ---

The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat
Elizabeth Landers (Author), Vicky Mainzer (Author)

3. And then... more recently, to help me recognize that yes, this really is traumatizing ---

Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing
Dennis C. Ortman (Author)