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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: SK terrible horrible no good very bad 20 yrs (pity party)
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I desperately need help.
Just returned from a few days at the beach. When we left we were fighting, upon return we resumed. The topic...why the hell isn't HE mad at his two PA partners, one of whom I got an STD from and who called me names and the other who caused me considerable embarassment because of her broadcast of their affair in my town where I live and teach and am well known and very respected and loved? I get that it was him that broke his vows, blah blah, but skank #1 apparently gave him a sob story and he didn't think he needed condoms. Of course I am the one who got the abnormal PAP...and subsequent followup painful procedure.
His anger toward me all those years was palpable. For all kinds of non reasons. I, being the good little codependent, daughter of an alcoholic tried to fix everything. And he still went off to be admired by and to admire scores of skanks. Is it wrong of me to want to hear some of that anger directed towards someone other than me? Someone who deserves it?
This weekend we did the things we like to do. It was hard to realize that our marriage could have been a good, no a GREAT one because we do like so many of the same strange things. And now he is pissed with me because I had a total hissy fit meltdown. Oh I guess I should be used to his anger. He wants to know if I have any hope. I do not even know if I will feel like getting out of bed tomorrow. Hope is a feeling I do not dare allow myself. Far too risky. He wants to know what we should do next. How the hell should I know! I obviously did every stinking thing WRONG for 32 years...I am not about to try to FIX this and crap it up as well. Buster, you ran this ship aground YOU dig it out. I was the fix-it-all woman for 32 years and that didn't go so well.
He wants to know if I love him. I dont know. I don't think I can afford to love anyone right now. I certainly don't love myself.
Most of my marriage has been a lie. I have wasted my whole life...



Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3870 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SK)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53339 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
booger bear
♀ 26584
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SK)))

I wish had words for you ... are you in IC/MC ?

so sorry ... keep posting it is slow tonight being Easter and all ... keep posting


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18829 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
Compartmented
29410
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, SK. {{{{ }}}}

You haven't wasted your whole life!!! You are a great person and you are learning and growing even now!! Things are going to get better for you. I think you are right to toss things back at him. It's his consequence for his actions.

Hang in there. I know I can look at my wasted marriage, over two decades, with complete horror. I usually just try to turn right back around and look forward. The future is going to be better. It has to!!

Walking the path wearing SA-spouse shoes is not easy. We are changed and stronger for it, even though we'd never ever choose for this path to be.

Peace to you.


Posts: 1355 | Registered: Aug 2010
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in IC. So is he. I have been to a few sessions with his IC as an attempt to do some MC. I pay the price. He is subtle, but his body language and small sounds let me know how disappointed he is that the sessions don't "fix" me. I have read every book, I read and post here a lot, I try to help others, I practice meditation and other anti-anxiety methods, journalling etc. This anger and need to express it goes against everything I believe, against everything in my personal philosophy and spiritual self. And it is eating me alive. It's bothering exactly zero other people. Me only. So why can't I stop?


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3870 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
booger bear
♀ 26584
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

let it out ... don't try to hold it in or coral it so you won't be angry ...

I have found for me personally holding it in makes it worse when it does come out ...

find a way to let it out in a constructive/healthy way ... join a gym, maybe a self defense class so you can beat the shit outta something and not get in trouble for it ...

(((sk)))


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18829 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
scaredyKat
♀ 25560
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, April 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmented...thanks. But here is the ugly truth. When I was 20 years younger, and he began his quest for the perfect stranger, I was cute, not pretty, but attractive. Sexy even, healthy, energetic, eager to try new things, eager to have an active sex life with my handsome husband, adventures with my great sons.
I worked SO hard to keep this an intact family, but the wife part was ignored by him and he was basically a drive-by parent.

After all this revelation, I have watched myself in the mirror. I have become a hag. And I do not exaggerate. I am ugly. Saggy. Flabby where I don't actually have any fat.
And the reality is that my osteoporosis is worsening to the point that I may only have 10 more years of independent mobility. I already have significant pain. And I have NO sex drive at all. No medications that are interfering either.

That's why I say my whole life, as a wife and a lover, as a WOMAN, an active, sexual woman, is over.


Me-BS-60
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3870 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Topic Posts: 7

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