Not sure im allowed to post as im from the UK. If im not then p;ease delete.
In October 2010 i found out that my STBXH was having an EA with a woman from work. The day i found out he left. No explanation no reasons no sorry nothing.
Our marraige of 20 years had been in difficultly but he led me to believe that we were ok. Had even mentioned buying new wedding rings and had even told me he loved me without me having to say it first. This was a massive shock to me. I know it had been going on for at least 2months before i found out but to this day i still donr know how long exactly.
At that moment myself and children lost him and his parents and the majority of his family. He moved in with the OW pretty quickly although he will tell you he dont live there only stays over. She has 3 Children at home 2 in their twenties one is 15.
He has very little contact with our children as he keeps letting them down so they dont bother with him now. At xmas he promised to be a better dad etc and then didnt contact them again till middle of feb. He has never asked them to meet OW or her children and his mum has only seen the OW twice in 8 mths although she sees her son every week.
Myself and his mum had no contact for over year as i couldnt handle her lying to me and children to protect her son, so i pulled all contact.
In feb 2012 i decided that the children needed the grandparents so i made contact with his mum. she was over the moon told me she missed me more than she had missed her grandchildren. We were very close before his A, now i know we will never be that close again but least we are talking.
I filled for divorce as i needed to protect the MH for me and children. As he was threatening on selling it. So our decree Nisi will be announced on 10th May. A divorce that i dont want as i still love my husband.
When i do see him he seems so cross with me although it was him that had A and is still in that relationship. He has put on loads of weight, stopped going gym started smoking again after quitting 4 years ago and is now drinking regularly whereas before he only drank occasionally. He tells me he is very very happy yet i dont see how.
How can the man that i knew for over 20 years changed so much from a family man who loved his kids to a man that i dont even recognise. How do they walk away from the kids and put a new person above their own flesh and blood.
Please can someone tell me as im at a loss to know why.
I dont think i will ever get the answers that i want. I know i was/am not perfect but i never cheated. Sometimes with all the anger that has been directed at me from him, his parents and family , friends and our children. Sometimes i wish i had then i would have deserved the pain that has been inflicted on me.
Does he feel any pain or does he get to walk on without a backward glance. I so wish i could turn the switch off just like he seems to have done.
Sorry for rambling.