I posted yesterday about H's refusal to respect what I consider to be very reasonable boundaries:
When I got home from work this morning, he kissed me goodbye before he left. In a passive aggressive moment, I said, "I'll kiss you because that's one of my rules, but you should know that today my heart isn't behind it." He said something to the effect of, "Not like it ever was anyhow," and the conversation morphed into a 5 minute blow-up. Radio silence ever since.
So I think (know?) that I need to begin the 180. After 2 years, we are not making the progress I had hoped for, and while I'll own my part of that, I think much of it has to do with his tendency to ridicule my expectations and feelings. He simply isn't getting it, nor is he making any effort to try.
Which leads me to contemplating the 180...yet again. I've attempted it a couple times in the past, but I'm never strong enough to stick with it. So I'm thinking of trying to take 180 baby steps, if you will, and try to just make it through this weekend. Here's what I have planned out in my mind:
Tonight: Be cordial for the 30 minutes that I'll see him before I go to work. We have to discuss our taxes, but I will not bring up anything else. No kiss goodbye.
Tomorrow: Pick up some mulch after getting off work in the morning. Come home and sleep for a couple hours (which is usually an effort in futility, but I'll try anyhow). Take the kids outside and have them help me in the garden. Supposed to be 70 and sunny :)
Tomorrow evening: Make supper, continue to be cordial, and take myself to see The Hunger Games. I've been waiting for him to take me to see it, but damn it, I don't want to wait anymore. Plus, I like going to the movies by myself.
Sunday: Take the kids to the local Children's Museum. Extend the invitation to him, but remain only cordial if he chooses to attend. Back to work for me Sunday night.
When I lay it out like that, it seems like something I could manage. And all the things I've planned (aside form working night shift...ugh) are things that make me really happy.
Am I on the right track? I feel so lost with this and am afraid of being weak again.