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What's her name?

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worst-year-ever posted 4/14/2012 15:28 PM

fWH is at work today, like he always is this time of year. Ran into a friend who asked where he was, I replied that it was busy season and he was at work.

Friend asks, "oh, yeah....what's her name?"

He was totally kidding, has no clue about the affair.

I am a wreck.

I tried not to looked dazed, laughed it off....but I am falling apart inside.

trying2deal posted 4/14/2012 15:33 PM


Firebird 5 posted 4/14/2012 15:38 PM

I'm sorry.

Dare2Trust posted 4/14/2012 15:38 PM

Personally - I'd have to wonder if this friend was totally kidding?

I was so blindsided by my husband's LTA -- and I later learned: Lots of people knew more things about my marriage than I knew, or susspected.

FightingChance posted 4/14/2012 15:59 PM

Before dday we used to joke with each other about your 'boyfriend /girlfriend'...

We don't do that now that I know he actually had one.

Ostrich80 posted 4/14/2012 16:19 PM

Personally - I'd have to wonder if this friend was totally kidding?

My first thought too^^^^^^

I really pay attention to words now. My WS a couple of months before DD!, made a comment about a GF. He said he told me something, I said jokingly, No you must have told your other wife, he said I only have 1, I said must of been your GF then. He totally said, yeh it must have been. My ears are always open and I dont ignore anything anymore.

dirk pitt posted 4/14/2012 16:32 PM


I think you handled it very well.

worst-year-ever posted 4/14/2012 20:50 PM

The friend honestly has no idea, of that I am sure.

It just felt like a kick in the stomach. I know he didn't mean it that way at all, he was just kidding....but I don't live in a fictional world anymore where you can poke fun at that.

Doesn't help that almost all of the affair was actually carried out at work, as they were coworkers. He'd go in early, stay late, had to work weekends...and his profession is the perfect cover for it.

I think how many times I lied unknowingly for him, how many times he missed things he should have been at for me and the kids because he "was at work".

He really was at work today, but he was back then too. Grrrr.

I feel like I'm hitting bottom again.

Winter Snow posted 4/14/2012 21:56 PM


I can relate. My WH used to work out of town. People would joke that he wasn't really working, he was going to live with his other family. If they only knew how very close to the truth they were.

I call those folks the 'untouched'. They have no idea what infidelity really feels like, they only see it on TV or read about it in books. I used to be one of those people. It could have been me telling that 'joke'. Not any more.

I am so sorry you had to endure that. It is so very difficult on so many levels.

Take care....


used2bestrong posted 4/14/2012 23:34 PM

I would have said her name and then walked away, leaving him with his mouth hanging open.

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