This book is not necessarily about infidelity, but if you're still struggling with anger as a result of the affair (or other things), this book is very helpful in teaching you to overcoming that anger. Although the title says, "A Zen Approach", a previous knowledge of buddhism or Zen is not required. The book is filled with much insight and common sense approaches for dealing with a variety of situations that lead to anger and provide constructive ways for dealing with it.
As many of us have learned, anger can be very toxic to R as well as your overall health. The chapter on, transforming anger to compassion, really hits home if you're still struggling with the anger caused by a WS.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62 Him: WXH-62 D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI) S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
I apprecite any help you could share....
Thanks!
[This message edited by Fallen at 11:20 AM, June 15th (Friday)]
1. "We are what we think. All that we are arises with out thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." 2. "The cause of anger is simple: Anger rises when we have an unmet demand." 3. "If you can pause to consider what your demand (or need or expectation) is when you feel anger arising, you will have gone a long way toward changing it." 4. "Change comes, not by struggling to change or by fighting or disciplining oneself, but by becoming aware of what we are feeling and how we habitually act." 5. "Holding onto anger is giving someone else free rent in your head." 6. "What we observe in the moment is what we know. The rest is all interpretation based on a filter of past experiences that may or may not have any relevance." 7. "It's not as important that you identify the correct demand as it is that you pause to ask yourself what it is. The pause, in and of itself, reduces your anger." 8. "We may believe that we know what another person is thinking, but most often our efforts at "mind reading" are projections of our own inner, self-centered concerns." 9. "A saying comes to mind: Anger is as good at solving problems as a fan is at stacking papers." 10. "Most of the time, when people act offensively, their behavior is not aimed at us. Even if there is no doubt the offender is talking to you, or interacting with you, what he says most likely has nothing to do with you you are or what you have done. It's not personal; he doesn't know you. You just happen to be a stage prop in an internal drama taking place in his mind." Source: http://www.susanedmiston.com/blog.htm
Source: http://www.susanedmiston.com/blog.htm
[This message edited by Fallen at 11:21 AM, June 15th (Friday)]
