Can you get up at 2am tomorrow morning, swipe his computer, and start the printer if you feel that you really need to see those emails? I have one heck of a printed out record of his "activities," all in a safe place, just in case.
(((hugs))) I sincerely hope that you live in a state that considers such behavior in divorces. And that you can cut him off immediately from your money flow.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Since you are already moving ahead with divorce, you may want to check out our Separation/Divorce forum for advice and support as you plan your next steps.
I believe that if I could just see it I could start healing
I don't know that seeing the emails is going to bring you any kind of relief, if that is what you're looking for. Since you have decided that you have enough proof to begin filing for divorce, I'm concerned that this is only going to make you feel worse at this point.
Please check out this thread. It has some important information on taking good care of yourself as you navigate the intense emotions of this discovery.
We're here for you.
Logically, I know he has a serious problem. He is an extreme narcissist. I gave him everything a "good wife" should but he needed his ego stroked more. Every fight or argument we had, I was thinking how to sort it out and make it better and he was out "hunting". It just makes me so sick.
I guess the betrayal isn't new, but the one I just found out about was. I filed for divorce a couple of months ago and it was just granted last week. The day after is when I found out he was still engaging in this nonsense and giving some woman money I helped earn!
We own a business togther and I am still living in the house. Thank god I have a wonderful job opportunity overseas. I am leaving next Sunday, the 5th of August.
Nonetheless, I am still feeling physically sick over this. I've lost 15 pounds that I didn't need to lose! When does this sick feeling go away? Do you think that my going overseas will help with this awful agony I am feeling right now? I pray it helps.
I just want to SEE the emails to the whores. I want to see what exactly he participated in. I need to know in order to move on and start healing. He absolutely refuses to show me and it's driving me insane.
Just to venture a guess but I don't think that it will help you much to see the emails. I also felt the desire to "know" everything and it drove me insane too. Eventually what helped me was to frame it in the context of two horny dogs having sex, that it was a meaningful and base as that. Only in your case he had to pay to hump...
Try to let the desire to read everything go... I promise you it won't help.
I wish, I wish.
On the other hand, I know exactly what he did so he couldn't lie to me. For me not knowing is worse than knowing; however, hearing it is worse than not hearing it.
You do what you need to do to heal. If that means reading the email, then read. But, and this is a big but, be prepared for what you read. Because once you know, you can't un-know.
Moving overseas didn't stop the triggers. It can be a brief mention of something someone says, choosing a hotel to stay in and a variety of other things.
I have always loved staying at Holiday Inn Express so that's usually where I stay when traveling. Guess where he took at least one prostitute? Guess where I will never stay again? :(
It might seem lame but I take that Holiday Inn thing as an direct, conscious slap in my face. He has always been well aware of my fave hotel on the road. I feel so sick and sad today.
[This message edited by PurpleLilac at 7:01 AM, January 19th (Sunday)]
Are you back from overseas? Do you still own the business with your ex-husband?
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
I relinquished my part of the business as I didn't want my name or credit associated or tied to him in any way, seeing as how he makes(made?), such awful choices.
I am still in contact and R is a still a possibility. He still has a lot of work to do. A LOT. He somehow thinks himself to be different that the WS's here and refuses to read, learn and adapt accordingly. Has he changed? Yes, in many ways. Do I trust him? Nope. Getting TT to this day. Two days ago he admitted to seeing one particular whore/prostitute, not just the one time, but twice.
The TT could be the breaking point for me. Will keep you posted. This isn't really something I chat about with friends here so...SI it is! And I am SO THANKFUL for these forums. Helps me feel sane. You all are wonderful and supportive and, yeah, thank you!
For the life of me I cannot understand what the hell is the point of telling about one, two or three and leaving one out? Like, 8 is better than 9 somehow?
This far the confessions all say there was no intercourse...BJ's, HJ's and a lot of photos and videos taken.
Really, no intercourse? Heavy, heavy sigh. So there was intercourse with the first one that wasn't a prostitute. There was with the one he preyed upon saying he worked as a tester for a "high class" escort company...but none with the last few whores? Really? Hmmm, why don't I believe that?
I had wondered if another confession would be the last straw but apparently it wasn't. What kind of fool am I?
Weird, I didn't shed a tear. I'm not sad at all. I knew there were more.
He's registered here now but not posting. Hopefully he's reading.
The use of prostitutes is...well, my fingers hovered over the keyboard because I don't even have a word for what it is to me. Disappointing, not surprising, disgusting, sick...
The therapist he's been seeing doesn't recognize SA. I don't know if that's the issue or if the use of whores was just a very, very, very poor coping mechanism. A way to cope with not getting his way, not knowing how to deal with conflict, an attempt at control of some kind, extremely low self esteem (so weird because he comes across as very very self confident and has every reason to be, he's very attractive both physically and in his personality, when he's not being a dick.)
Anyway, yeah, so, I think this is it. For some reason I feel confident there's nothing more to tell. Honestly, if there is more, I don't want to know. I've been dragging the truth out of him for three years. Blows my mind how someone can just lie and lie and lie, yet profess undying love over and over.
Codependent much? Yep, I probably am.
Would really like to talk with someone dealing with the prostitute thing. WS or BS, I need insight.