Cannot sleep tonight. Here's a first pass at the letter I plan to send my husband soon. Suggestions and edits are welcomed.
Your behavior towards me during the past week has been unacceptable. Your interactions with [ex-wife] since she began her divorce have also been unacceptable. If our marriage is to survive this turmoil, I need to see some changes from you, very quickly.
You will need to limit your contact with [ex-wife] to emails regarding child rearing only. She will always been in our lives because of the kids, so when additional interaction with her is unavoidable we will figure out how to proceed as a couple. I will have access to all of your emails with [ex-wife] as well as access to your cell phone and computer. You used those tools to emotionally cheat on me, so I no longer trust what you do with email and texting.
We will both see individual and marital counselors. We will find our marital counselor together; we must both feel comfortable with the person who will help us repair our marriage.
You will NEVER speak to me the way you spoke to me the other night again. I will not tolerate verbal or emotional abuse from you. I felt heartbroken and so hurt when you spoke to me the way you did and called me names. I am pregnant with your child. I deserve and require your respect. I have never and will never speak to you in that way, because I never want to hurt you so badly.
Until I feel confidant you are meeting these requirements you will not come to doctor appointments with me. You will not be a part of my life. I am not your backup plan, and as much as I love you, I cannot be in a marriage where you pine for your ex-wife.
If you choose to fight for our marriage, I will be your closest ally. I love you. I want us to be together. But my self-respect and my need to be loved for me outweighs that want.