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Jesu posted 8/28/2012 07:59 AM

Anyone else think about the OM penis size...and feel that maybe you are "inadequate?"

According to statistics I am just above average, and I've never ever had any complaints from any other women before. On the contrary I've received comments in the past that I fill them up quite nicely, and sometimes too much.

My WSO has said "you are both around the same size", but obviously because I don't trust her I don't know what to think.

There must have been something making her go back for more again and again...maybe his penis was able to touch things inside of her where I couldn't?

I've never even really thought about it much before, but since the A I seem to question everything...and this is really buggin me for some reason...

[This message edited by Jesu at 8:01 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

WarehouseGuy posted 8/28/2012 08:07 AM


Don't let it bother you--and always remember--

It's not the size of your pencil--it's how you sign your name


WHG

MovingUpward posted 8/28/2012 08:07 AM

I know that it is easy to get stuck on thoughts like this. But I don't think penis size in this case is caused her to go back. Poor boundaries did that. Try hard not to internalize it as your problem for that will just bring down your esteem even further. For we could apply the same logic to you. Why is WSO still around . . .

Try not to let your mind run in all directions with all possibilities. Until you feel that you are getting the truth from WSO your mind can easily get filled with negative scenarios.

JanaGreen posted 8/28/2012 08:07 AM

((HUGS))

I don't think the something that was making her go back had anything to do with his "package."

I know it must be hard not to, but please try not to go down this road. There's nothing wrong with you that made her stray.

Sparkless posted 8/28/2012 08:12 AM

My wife got involved with an inappropriate cyber relationship. She admitted receiving pictures of the other guy's package and masturbating (in our bed with me in the next room). She claims that his package is actually smaller than mine. I don't know if I believe her or not, but either way it makes me feel completely inadequate and impotent. I feel like, she would rather fantasize about a penis that's not as good as mine than actually use my penis? Then obviously I must not be doing something right. Obviously I'm lacking in some way in that department, if not size than style.

JanaGreen posted 8/28/2012 08:16 AM

I seriously doubt the size or shape or color or anything about the penis is what was getting her off. It was the fact that it was some guy who was aroused by her. It made her feel sexy/hot/attractive/whatever. I would bet $1000 right now on that. It was the high of turning someone else on. Not anything to do with you.

leavemealone posted 8/28/2012 08:17 AM

Guys...
It really has NOTHING to do with the size of your penis! Let me say that again, it has NOTHING to do with the size of your penis. It has ONLY to do with the morals and internal justification of your WW/WSO. They may try to use that as justification, but TRUST ME, your size has nothing to do with her going outside your relationship for sex. So, please, put that out of your mind. This is an understandable worry, I would never say anyone's feelings are wrong, but it's not the reason for the affair.

painpaingoaway posted 8/28/2012 08:23 AM

I certainly understand the dwelling on 'what the OP had' that we didn't. I have spent way to much time agonizing over that. Please don't agonize over that.

For me, on the scale of 1 -10 about what I find important, attractive, and satisfying about a man, his penis size is about a 2 (on a scale of 1-10). For me, unless his penis is incredibly huge, or incredibly small, quite frankly, they are all about the same. It is the way he makes the woman feel (physically and emotionally) that is most important.

I hope that helps.

Peace,
PPGA

Edited to agree with Jana's last comment. It is the feeling of being desired that is the turn on.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:26 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

Brandon808 posted 8/28/2012 08:23 AM

Anyone else think about the OM penis size...and feel that maybe you are "inadequate?"
Yo!
I don't think you can help but wonder this. What bothers me is if this is the problem then there's nothing I can do about it. Stuck.

It's not the size of your pencil--it's how you sign your name

The whole question of size came up on another thread and nearly every response was along the lines how you use it. Well that doesn't make you feel any better about size. It just means instead of feeling inadequate about size I get to feel bad about my technique.

There is no good answer except to stop asking yourself these questions. They can only make things worse. It's not easy to do, but you've got to push it out of your mind. Be the best man you can be and if that isn't good enough for her then it's her problem.

Sparkless posted 8/28/2012 08:42 AM

I seriously doubt the size or shape or color or anything about the penis is what was getting her off. It was the fact that it was some guy who was aroused by her. It made her feel sexy/hot/attractive/whatever. I would bet $1000 right now on that. It was the high of turning someone else on. Not anything to do with you.

That may be true, but I would bet every penny that I own that this guy was probably not even that turned on by her, that most of it was in her head. Meanwhile, she had a real man who was turned on by her, who never stopped wanting her, who thought she was sexy as hell--and told her that all the time, yet that didn't turn her on one bit. Where was the high of having a husband who still thought you looked great 14 years later, who still wanted you all the time? Because my wife made all that seem like a burden to her, that she was annoyed that I was still so into her.

It certainly can't help but make any man feel inadequate about size or technique, or both.

[This message edited by Sparkless at 8:43 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

VD2012 posted 8/28/2012 08:46 AM

One of my fWW's texts stuck out in my mind - about penis size, since for some reason she referenced me and said to him he was bigger.

I was hung up on that for quite awhile until I had the urge to ask her about that. She says it wasn't true and that she said it to boost his ego.

I'm of average length, but much thicker than average. To the point that honestly if he was genuinely bigger, holy shit. But I've only been with her so I only know what she thinks of it (and it's always done the job well). Her now having been with someone else had my testosterone laden caveman brain running with possibilities.

Is it bigger? Did she like it more? What did it look like? And so on. I was putting myself through a nightmare.

And why? Because just like you, I'm a guy. We tend to be more physically sexual than women and our penises are a humongous part of that (thank you society and media). We place a lot of emphasis on them. It's easy to feel inadequate as a result of any perceived issue.

But I asked her. All my questions about it and I got all the awkward answers I figured I would. And ya know what? It didn't matter. In fact in a way I laughed and it's helped me feel better. She said that yes it was a bit longer, but also quite a bit thinner. I then had the urge to outright ask "did you feel it?" and aside from him poking her cervix, no. She actually couldn't. I had a giant belly laugh at that and unceremonious declared him 'Pencil-Dick'.

In the end though really, there's nothing your can do. Your penis is your's and you can't change it. You have to live with it and love it no matter what.

If she says your about the same size, and if she likes your's, don't worry about it. Really, you'll drive yourself insane that way. Own the shit out of your dick and use it how you know to. That will always be more important than size, especially if you have a loving emotional bond with her, which in the end nothing can compete with that.

JanaGreen posted 8/28/2012 08:47 AM

That may be true, but I would bet every penny that I own that this guy was probably not even that turned on by her, that most of it was in her head. Meanwhile, she had a real man who was turned on by her, who never stopped wanting her, who thought she was sexy as hell--and told her that all the time, yet that didn't turn her on one bit. Where was the high of having a husband who still thought you looked great 14 years later, who still wanted you all the time? Because my wife made all that seem like a burden to her, that she was annoyed that I was still so into her.

Oh, it's fucked up, I know, and it's so frustrating and unfair. Not so much now, but earlier in our marriage, pre-infidelity even, my H would turn me down for sex, I'd be in bed alone wondering why I wasn't good enough/sexy enough/skinny enough etc., then I came to find out that while I was sleeping alone and sad he was jacking off to porn. It's maddening.

When other men look at me or compliment me or hit on me it makes me uncomfortable. Those things mean nothing to me unless they are from my husband. But for the wayward spouse, it's flipped. The validation from the spouse, which is good/healthy/expected,becomes meaningless, and they need it from outside. Why? Who knows. I'm just sorry that we're here asking these questions. It sucks.

But please - don't blame yourself. If she were healthy and functional, she would never have picked up that phone, she would have gone in the next room and seduced her loving husband. That's on her, not you.

ETA: Sorry, I seem to be triggering and making this All About Me when it's obviously, clearly not! But I just hate to think about you guys sitting around blaming yourselves over a physical feature that you have ZERO control over, when that's not the issue, the issue is that your wives made terrible choices!

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 9:02 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

Bigger posted 8/28/2012 09:02 AM

Like the real thing penis size tends to raise its head with alarming regularity here on SI. I think (after following at least a gazillion threads on this issue) that the issue of size is way out of proportions.
Look – at what point does a woman get to see the package? So an affair starts… A married woman (consciously or subconsciously) feels a need for validation. Someone offers it. It makes her feel good. She wants more of the “good”. So she allows an outside factor offer the validation. Things develop. The emotional factor gets more involved (internal emotional – not external. I personally severely doubt “love” factors in as such. “Love” tends to be the emotional justification, not the emotional reason). Eventually the validation isn’t there anymore from simple messages, coffees and roses. So kissing, holding hands… all this leads to the inevitable sex.

See how it develops?
See how nowhere you find the sentence “So an affair starts… A married woman walks along a line of men that have clearly stated they want to have an affair with a married woman. She looks at their package that they hold proudly in their hands and selects the one with the biggest package.”

Is there a single woman here on SI that will admit to being attracted to a man that starts a conversation with:
“Hi – I’m Bigger. Guess how I got THAT name…”

Man – Imagine how full the courts would be if sending penis-pictures is the usual way men introduce themselves.


No. Men that have affairs are normal people. Average people. Yes definitely mixed-up people but there is NO CORRELATION whatsoever that says “If penis above average then chances of infidelity above average”.
So is the average OM is an average man then he probably has an average penis.
Definitely no balls though…

Oh an PS: My user name? It refers to me being a bigger person due to the work I have done on myself to be a bigger and better person.

Sparkless posted 8/28/2012 09:03 AM

Oh, it's fucked up, I know, and it's so frustrating and unfair. Not so much now, but earlier in our marriage, pre-infidelity even, my H would turn me down for sex, I'd be in bed alone wondering why I wasn't good enough/sexy enough/skinny enough etc., then I came to find out that while I was sleeping alone and sad he was jacking off to porn. It's maddening.

I found myself watching too much porn, but in my situation it was the opposite. There was not one night ever that I wouldn't have traded porn for my wife. If my wife ever wanted me, I would have been right there.

Instead I actually developed a fear of rejection with my own wife. I used to wait for her to be in the mood, when too much time passed, I would finally make a move, only to be met with indifference or even anoyance. It got to the point where it was easier not to even bother asking and to just take care of it myself.

Your husband didn't realize how lucky he was to have a wife that still wanted him.

[This message edited by Sparkless at 9:05 AM, August 28th (Tuesday)]

beingmiranda posted 8/28/2012 09:04 AM

My WS was very unemotional and uncaring. He also had a really tiny penis. Is there a correlation between the two? Somehow that really tiny penis went off and had an affair, broke up his family and left to go be with her. hmmmm.

nothing2save posted 8/28/2012 09:30 AM

Wow, Sparkless. I thought I was the only one in that boat. I could've written the exact same thing.

Peanut5 posted 8/28/2012 10:16 AM

I promise you. And would swear on a bible... It's not the size. On that note.... What about a wife's body versus OW?

Peanut5 posted 8/28/2012 10:16 AM

I promise you. And would swear on a bible... It's not the size. On that note.... What about a wife's body versus OW?

Sparkless posted 8/28/2012 10:18 AM

Gret question Peanut, I thought about that myself.

Women, would it make you feel better or worse to know your husband's OW had a body that was not as good as yours?

Crushed38 posted 8/28/2012 10:24 AM

Penis size is not the issue. AT ALL.

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