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Any BS regret divorcing?

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SoyLatte posted 12/3/2012 03:11 AM

Sorry, I made a mistake on the first post, I meant BS not WS.

Either because you wish you would've saved the marriage, or because it is more miserable now than before? Like ex still being a jerk with the kids and other issues?

SBB posted 12/3/2012 03:42 AM

I'm not divorced yet but I don't regret S.

IMO unless there is true remorse you cannot have True R and you can't stay married without being miserable for another 1, 2, 5, 10 - 20+ years unless you have True R.

There's a saying here that you shouldn't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M.

The same can be said in reverse - what you're getting in S/D is almost exactly what you'd be getting in your M albeit delivered differently.

S hasn't changed who I am fundamentally - I still have the same values, I still hold the same levels of dignity and integrity. I still treat others with respect (even though I may say not nice things). Fundamentally I'm the same. If anything these positive traits are magnified in me now.

monster is unfortunately still the same too. I just didn't see it until we were S. Its delivered in a different way but he's still has lacks values, he still lacks dignity and integrity, there is still that very same lack of respect for himself, his children or for me.

The hardest part of seeing who they really are is believing what you're seeing. I'm still finding it hard to believe it but its there, clear as day. I can no longer deny it nor find excuses for it.

Bluebird26 posted 12/3/2012 04:14 AM

I regret that he ever put me and the children in this position that required us being divorced.

Being divorced is not something I ever wanted but the choices he made and continues to make left me no other option but to divorce him.

He was in such a hurry to divorce me in the beginning that once the waiting period was up he did nothing to start the divorce process, so he forced my hand and I proceeded and got it done. I didn't want to wait around another few years to be free.

He was in such a hurry to marry the OW in the beginning, that now that he can he doesn't seem to be so much in a hurry now

phmh posted 12/3/2012 06:45 AM

Nope. Like Bluebird, I regret the fact that he put me in this position. I wish I had married a good man instead of a broken one. I never wanted to be divorced (that just doesn't happen in my family.) I loved him, thought he was my best friend, and also thought I was insanely happy in my marriage.

However, being away from his constant negativity and dysfunction is fantastic. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten (frog in the boiling water) until I was away from him. And now I'm happier than I have been in years.

I honestly feel that very, very few WSs (as in less than 5%, probably closer to 1%) are able to work on themselves and eventually help rebuild a marriage where things are as good or better than they were before the A. I'm so happy that I don't have to live a life worrying if he's really working late, will I get an STD, or to suffer the devastation of another D-Day.

It hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it.

sheila0304 posted 12/3/2012 07:02 AM

Nope. No regrets.
I never wanted to be divorced therefore I put up with way too much nonsense for way too long.
edited to changed to to too.

[This message edited by sheila0304 at 7:05 AM, December 3rd (Monday)]

cmego posted 12/3/2012 07:09 AM

Nope. WS will never change, I'm glad I left. Life is hard, don't get me wrong, some ways waaay harder than before. But, on the flip side, I'm happier than I was before. I don't have to worry about what he is doing, I make my own decisions about my life, and I get to raise my children.

Overall, it is a win!

hexed posted 12/3/2012 08:00 AM

nope

he was a jerk while we were married. therefore it doesn't matter how he acts now. he's nicer but he was already a jerk so really nowhere to go but up.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/3/2012 08:03 AM

Not at all. Now I know for sure what is going on in my life. There was none of that with a lying, manipultive, NPD man.

Chrysalis123 posted 12/3/2012 08:03 AM

Not at all. Now I know for sure what is going on in my life. There was none of that with a lying, manipultive, NPD man.

Dadof2 posted 12/3/2012 08:05 AM

Let me see...ummm...nope.

Amazonia posted 12/3/2012 08:30 AM

No way!

I regret getting married in the first place though, does that count?

ManBearDivorce posted 12/3/2012 08:31 AM

No regrets. Like others say I never wanted my family like this but it has to be for me to be happy again. I wasn't the best husband but that dont mean you could do the worst thing in the world. I rather they have me killed then go through this again. I know what death is but a heart ache hurts so damn much. The only regret was not knowing about these kind of behaviors before hand.

944man posted 12/3/2012 08:37 AM

Nope. Everytime i have to deal with her i am so thankful i don't have to deal with her psycho azz full time

lieshurt posted 12/3/2012 08:51 AM

Nope, nadda, no way, never, etc....and if that isn't clear enough, HELL NO

crushedheart09 posted 12/3/2012 08:57 AM

(frog in the boiling water)

^^ That analogy is so very true looking back!

Life is just so much better now overall, even compared to the last decade of my M before her A. If I had not D'd her I would still be living in her NPD zombie land

[This message edited by crushedheart09 at 8:58 AM, December 3rd (Monday)]

InnerLight posted 12/3/2012 08:58 AM

No, I had no choice, he was with someone else and not coming back.

I regret not divorcing earlier but I was so committed to the marriage and to being a martyr in the marriage, i didn't consider it.

Williesmom posted 12/3/2012 09:49 AM

Nope.

I don't think he could trust himself to know what the truth was. I have no idea how he kept track of all of those lies.

My life is rock star awesome since I've been single. Seriously - I am that happy.

Sad in AZ posted 12/3/2012 09:52 AM

No; he did me the biggest favor in the world. My life has been so much richer since the D.

Dawnie posted 12/3/2012 10:01 AM

NOPE! I didnt realize how unhappy I was until I was away from him. I regret that I allowed myself to stay unhappy for so many years for the sake of my son. I am so much happier today then I ever was when I was married to him. Walking away from him and filing for divorce was hands down the hardest yet best thing that I have ever done for myself!

little turtle posted 12/3/2012 11:03 AM

Not at all. I did everything *I* could to work on the marriage. But since it takes 2 people, it wasn't working.

My life is better now. So much better. I'm happy. My kids have a stable life. Their father isn't coming and going as he pleases. XH appreciates the time he gets with his sons now that it's limited.

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