Addictive relationships interfer with daily living.
They are very real. You can identify them by the way your life is out of balance.
They do include a lot of fantasy too. Addictive relationships have you doing things you would not 'normally' do.
Like sitting and waiting for a long time for a phone call and then getting moody when it doesn't happen.
Like keeping your schedule open for "what if" someone is available; putting you life 'on hold' for someone else.
Like doing things you wouldn't do except that it's for/about "that" person.
Like being cranky and mean to other people in your life because you are not happy with the way the addictive R is going.
Like obsessing in your mind and compulsive behavior to be with the person.
Like forgetting about 'everything' else in your life when in the presence of the person. This is where reality meets fantasy. You are so myopic (near sighted) you don't see the rest of the world around you. You create a reality to escape to and push away the rest of the world - reality.
You feel love, and especially passion, but you are not loving to the rest of the world. Your love is coveted for the one person.
The difference between an addictive relationship and a healthy relationship is how it affects your OTHER relationships; especially the one with yourself!
Rather than thinking of it as real vs addictive think of it as healthy vs addictive. What is a healthy relationship? Fantasy is just part of addictive relationships. A healthy relationship doesn't need fantasy... it's just... healthy!