SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

phoenix54 posted 1/22/2013 13:56 PM

Anyone have experience with the book "Hold me tight" by Sue Johnson? The book looks at emotionally focused therapy and is based on attachment theory.

We just started reading this together and it looks promising. Anyone else?

phoenix54 posted 1/23/2013 10:07 AM

bump

rachelc posted 1/23/2013 10:28 AM

Phoenix - I have this and have read it but I'll need to refer back to it tonight when I'm home to make a recommendation. I believe it's for those who have been neglected or abandoned as children and how to form bonds with others as an adult if something like this was missing from your childhood.
I think it involves intimacy and those who say they want it but push it away...

Jospehine85 posted 1/23/2013 10:32 AM

We are reading it too.

WHs IC recommended it for us. It definitely nails my primary problem with our marriage: I do not feel safe sharing or expressing any emotions with my WH.

I am a little surprised the IC recommended it as the Introduction explicitly states it is not for couples in an abusive relationship. Maybe she just isn't quite "getting" the fact that WH is an abuser (emotional and verbal).

I can definitely see where it could help non-abuse couples break unhealthy behavior patterns. It also seems to be helping my WH understand how his abusive behaviors caused everyone in his life to detach from him and why.

It is making me a little sad reading it though as it makes me realize how many years I have lived in a terribly unhealthy environment.

Out of curiousity Phoenix, did you take the quiz in the first chapter? The one about A.R.E. and your feelings of safety with your spouse? And do you mind sharing how many questions you answered "false" to?

We took it. My husband only answered false to a few of the questions (and I could predicte exactly which ones). He was stunned to learn I answered false to all of them.

FightingBack posted 2/17/2014 12:50 PM

I have finally realized the need for some IC. I have chosen a therapist who has studied with Johnson and actually holds couples retreats called "Hold Me Tight".

I was thinking about ordering this book.

Are there any comments from others who have read this?

Morhurt posted 2/17/2014 12:55 PM

My IC loaned me her copy and we're reading it. Unfortunately my H reads it aloud to me and the sound of his voice is so soothing and I have so much general stress and fatigue that I fall asleep every time. So I guess you could say he is reading it and I'm sleeping peacefully on his chest.

But I do want to read it, I think it sounds very interesting.

FightingBack posted 2/17/2014 12:57 PM

Wow! Sounds like it is worth buying just so that I could actually fall asleep!

Morhurt posted 2/17/2014 13:06 PM

..

Wow! Sounds like it is worth buying just so that I could actually fall asleep!

sad81712 posted 2/17/2014 13:53 PM

My WH and I read the book and went to a Hold me Tight weekend workshop. I think it was very helpful for us to open up and talk about difficult things. It also made us look at FOO issues.

Morhurt posted 2/17/2014 13:56 PM

I'm curious about these couples retreats, I'll be googling...

silentscream13 posted 2/17/2014 13:58 PM

I have not read it, but I now have another book to put on WH and I reading list! Since my IC says I have massive FOO abandonment and trust issues this might be a good read for me.

Thank you for bringing it to my attention!

SoVerySadNow posted 2/17/2014 14:28 PM

WH read it (and I think it was recommended by his IC) so maybe he will jump on this thread and talk about it. He has significant FOO issues and has empathy and bonding issues.

We've talked through several of our relationship sticking points with the view of the book in mind- seems helpful.