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FaceTime and gaslighting

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Swims posted 2/3/2013 15:47 PM

Fellow SIers, I hope you can help me quickly. I found a FaceTime call on WH's phone to OW. He has been transparent with the phone, etc, and has obtained records of the phone bill from his company for me to see. He insists if he were communicating with her on FaceTime it would show up on the phone bills. Yes or no???

searchinganswers posted 2/3/2013 15:52 PM

I'm sorry....but no. Nothing would be on your phone bill. FaceTime is an app that you can use on any wifi Internet connection. Think of Skype, but FaceTime is an app that can only be used between people with iPhones or iPads. So if he can FaceTime her, he can also contact her thru iMessage.

jemimapd posted 2/3/2013 15:53 PM

Does FaceTime show up or can you hide it?

searchinganswers posted 2/3/2013 15:57 PM

I'm not sure what you mean?

searchinganswers posted 2/3/2013 16:02 PM

If your spouse has an iPhone or an iPad, he can communicate with anyone else with an iPhone or iPad by using applications and logging in with his Apple ID information. Nothing would show up on a phone bill. Your Apple ID is an email address that is linked to any of your Apple products. If you can access your husbands phone or iPad, you could check and see if OW is listed as a contact.

Swims posted 2/3/2013 16:04 PM

Thank you searching answers. I'm being gaslighted :(

searchinganswers posted 2/3/2013 16:12 PM

I'm so sorry. I know the feeling.....and it sucks.

NoraLee posted 2/3/2013 16:19 PM

I'm sorry you're suffering through this. I looked on iPhone, the FaceTime calls show up under the phone app under recent calls. Although these calls can be individually deleted. When I want to FaceTime someone, I have to go to my contacts and hit the FaceTime button on their page. I can't just enter a number. That means she's in his contacts (possibly under a different name) or she's contacting him. Also, if they're texting, and she has an iPhone too (obviously) their texts won't show up on the phone bill either since they're free.

Again, I'm sorry.

Twowheelsbetter posted 2/3/2013 16:20 PM

It's true, skype and facebook video calls would be included in download and wouldn't show on a bill, on wifi they would not show at all .

BetrayalHurts posted 2/3/2013 16:31 PM

I have a question.....if one has an iphone or ipad and the other has a non-smart phone....can the one with the iphone/pad communicate with the non-smart phone without it showing up on the phone bills?

Hope this makes sense

searchinganswers posted 2/3/2013 16:42 PM

I'm sitting here playing with my iPad, and just accidentally called my grandsons iPod. I never knew I could do that. As long as he is on wifi it'll work. So now we gotta add damn iPods into the group of weapons to be used against us....damn.

SadFlower posted 2/3/2013 17:18 PM

"I have a question.....if one has an iphone or ipad and the other has a non-smart phone....can the one with the iphone/pad communicate with the non-smart phone without it showing up on the phone bills?"

Yes, that makes sense. If one person has an iPhone and the other has a non-Apple smart phone (or a non-smart phone), then text messages do not go through iMessage and will thus show up on the phone bill. FaceTime is an Apple app, and I don't think other brands of smartphones have anything that is compatible with FaceTime.

You can check FaceTime calls by tapping on "Recents" at the bottom of the contacts panel.

Digression: Back when my FWH and I were still seeing OW and her H as couples--when I was 99% sure of their affair but had not confronted FWH yet--OW asked me advice about which smartphone she should buy. Android all the way, I said! My friend loves his! And iPhones are more expensive! (FWH and I have iPhones.) She followed my advice and got a Galaxy. I was thus able to track all their texts and phone calls. This evil trick is one I'm especially proud of.

[This message edited by SadFlower at 5:18 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]

ProbableIceCream posted 2/3/2013 18:01 PM

Actually, you can send texts between iPhones and non-iPhones with WhatsApp -- the most popular service that is similar to iMessage, but not iMessage, that works between multiple phone types.

Non-smartphones are pretty much limited to regular text messages though. Keep in mind anyone can get a secret prepaid smart phone and pay cash...

jemimapd posted 2/3/2013 18:49 PM

Sorry I meant can you actually "see" FaceTime as an app on a phone with its own little square logo or can you hide it. I understand there are apps that do not show up. Because my WH doesn't have FaceTime as far as I can see on his iPhone.

exhausted lady posted 2/3/2013 19:03 PM

I'm not sure if this will help or not. I'm a new iPhone owner. But....when I click on one of my contacts, facetime comes up as a possible choice rather than actually calling or sending a text.

I do think a facetime call shows up in the recent call log on the phone, but it's easily deleted, and might not show on the bill.

eta: I don't have a facetime icon that appears anywhere else on my phone. I have one contact that I'm positive has a Droid....and it looks like facetime is available in that case. But I'm pretty sure it isn't available unless the contact has a smart phone.

[This message edited by exhausted lady at 7:06 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]

jemimapd posted 2/3/2013 19:16 PM

Thanks, exhausted. I don't feel there is contact but it is good to know that I need to investigate that possible avenue of communication.

I have been thinking of putting his phone on iCloud. I don't really understand that but I think that means that calls etc would show up on another logged in device e.g. iPad. Has anyone done that?

Swims posted 2/3/2013 20:51 PM

Thanks for all of your help. They work together so I have always felt that this reconciliation was false. I'm shattered.

LonelyHusband posted 2/3/2013 21:01 PM

I use FT with my wife all the time.

Just had a look at it for you. It keeps a history, but I dont think its possible to delete PARTS of that history. So if YOU facetimed with him once a week, you could check his history to make sure he hadn't deleted it.

If I'm wrong about that I hope someone points it out, but I cannot see a way to delete individual calls in the history.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 9:01 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]

Swims posted 2/3/2013 21:18 PM

I've never used FaceTime. We both have iPhones, but his is a company phone so he is not on our family plan, so I have no access to records other than what he has willingly given me. But if FaceTime and texts don't show up on the company bill he gives me, well, I guess they found a way around it. My bad :(. I'm sick of this shit.

ProbableIceCream posted 2/3/2013 21:32 PM

FaceTime does not show up as an app--it's an integrated feature. If you have the right phone and iOS version and so does the other person, and you're both on the right sort of network (e.g. sometimes you have to be on wifi), FaceTime is possible, period.

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