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Newest Member: Dha0128 (46042)

User Topic: FaceTime and gaslighting
Swims
♀ 30992
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fellow SIers, I hope you can help me quickly. I found a FaceTime call on WH's phone to OW. He has been transparent with the phone, etc, and has obtained records of the phone bill from his company for me to see. He insists if he were communicating with her on FaceTime it would show up on the phone bills. Yes or no???

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
searchinganswers
♀ 37860
Member # 37860
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry....but no. Nothing would be on your phone bill. FaceTime is an app that you can use on any wifi Internet connection. Think of Skype, but FaceTime is an app that can only be used between people with iPhones or iPads. So if he can FaceTime her, he can also contact her thru iMessage.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Dec 2012
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does FaceTime show up or can you hide it?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
searchinganswers
♀ 37860
Member # 37860
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what you mean?

Posts: 37 | Registered: Dec 2012
searchinganswers
♀ 37860
Member # 37860
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your spouse has an iPhone or an iPad, he can communicate with anyone else with an iPhone or iPad by using applications and logging in with his Apple ID information. Nothing would show up on a phone bill. Your Apple ID is an email address that is linked to any of your Apple products. If you can access your husbands phone or iPad, you could check and see if OW is listed as a contact.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Dec 2012
Swims
♀ 30992
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you searching answers. I'm being gaslighted :(

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
searchinganswers
♀ 37860
Member # 37860
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I know the feeling.....and it sucks.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Dec 2012
NoraLee
♀ 37922
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're suffering through this. I looked on iPhone, the FaceTime calls show up under the phone app under recent calls. Although these calls can be individually deleted. When I want to FaceTime someone, I have to go to my contacts and hit the FaceTime button on their page. I can't just enter a number. That means she's in his contacts (possibly under a different name) or she's contacting him. Also, if they're texting, and she has an iPhone too (obviously) their texts won't show up on the phone bill either since they're free.

Again, I'm sorry.


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Twowheelsbetter
♂ 38292
Member # 38292
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's true, skype and facebook video calls would be included in download and wouldn't show on a bill, on wifi they would not show at all .


Doh!

Posts: 31 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Uk, midlands
BetrayalHurts
♀ 34836
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question.....if one has an iphone or ipad and the other has a non-smart phone....can the one with the iphone/pad communicate with the non-smart phone without it showing up on the phone bills?

Hope this makes sense


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 355 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
searchinganswers
♀ 37860
Member # 37860
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sitting here playing with my iPad, and just accidentally called my grandsons iPod. I never knew I could do that. As long as he is on wifi it'll work. So now we gotta add damn iPods into the group of weapons to be used against us....damn.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Dec 2012
SadFlower
♀ 37725
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I have a question.....if one has an iphone or ipad and the other has a non-smart phone....can the one with the iphone/pad communicate with the non-smart phone without it showing up on the phone bills?"

Yes, that makes sense. If one person has an iPhone and the other has a non-Apple smart phone (or a non-smart phone), then text messages do not go through iMessage and will thus show up on the phone bill. FaceTime is an Apple app, and I don't think other brands of smartphones have anything that is compatible with FaceTime.

You can check FaceTime calls by tapping on "Recents" at the bottom of the contacts panel.

Digression: Back when my FWH and I were still seeing OW and her H as couples--when I was 99% sure of their affair but had not confronted FWH yet--OW asked me advice about which smartphone she should buy. Android all the way, I said! My friend loves his! And iPhones are more expensive! (FWH and I have iPhones.) She followed my advice and got a Galaxy. I was thus able to track all their texts and phone calls. This evil trick is one I'm especially proud of.

[This message edited by SadFlower at 5:18 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 417 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, you can send texts between iPhones and non-iPhones with WhatsApp -- the most popular service that is similar to iMessage, but not iMessage, that works between multiple phone types.

Non-smartphones are pretty much limited to regular text messages though. Keep in mind anyone can get a secret prepaid smart phone and pay cash...


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 852 | Registered: Nov 2012
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I meant can you actually "see" FaceTime as an app on a phone with its own little square logo or can you hide it. I understand there are apps that do not show up. Because my WH doesn't have FaceTime as far as I can see on his iPhone.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
exhausted lady
♀ 30217
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if this will help or not. I'm a new iPhone owner. But....when I click on one of my contacts, facetime comes up as a possible choice rather than actually calling or sending a text.

I do think a facetime call shows up in the recent call log on the phone, but it's easily deleted, and might not show on the bill.

eta: I don't have a facetime icon that appears anywhere else on my phone. I have one contact that I'm positive has a Droid....and it looks like facetime is available in that case. But I'm pretty sure it isn't available unless the contact has a smart phone.

[This message edited by exhausted lady at 7:06 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
jemimapd
♀ 37895
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, exhausted. I don't feel there is contact but it is good to know that I need to investigate that possible avenue of communication.

I have been thinking of putting his phone on iCloud. I don't really understand that but I think that means that calls etc would show up on another logged in device e.g. iPad. Has anyone done that?


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Swims
♀ 30992
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all of your help. They work together so I have always felt that this reconciliation was false. I'm shattered.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
LonelyHusband
♂ 34145
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I use FT with my wife all the time.

Just had a look at it for you. It keeps a history, but I dont think its possible to delete PARTS of that history. So if YOU facetimed with him once a week, you could check his history to make sure he hadn't deleted it.

If I'm wrong about that I hope someone points it out, but I cannot see a way to delete individual calls in the history.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 9:01 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
Swims
♀ 30992
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never used FaceTime. We both have iPhones, but his is a company phone so he is not on our family plan, so I have no access to records other than what he has willingly given me. But if FaceTime and texts don't show up on the company bill he gives me, well, I guess they found a way around it. My bad :(. I'm sick of this shit.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
ProbableIceCream
♂ 37468
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FaceTime does not show up as an app--it's an integrated feature. If you have the right phone and iOS version and so does the other person, and you're both on the right sort of network (e.g. sometimes you have to be on wifi), FaceTime is possible, period.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 852 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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