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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: I miss her...
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Sad  Posted: 5:33 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss my WW's innocence. The notion that she was mine and mine alone. She was always the better of us. The more caring, more patient, more gentle. I had it all.

Now she's not innocent. And the way I look at her hurts me.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I do understand... oh how this part hurts

In my case I see my WH as a monster (equivalent to my abusers in my past). It is a really hard pill to swallow and I may not be able to do it.

You just never think the person you love and trust with everything can literally ambush you. I will never figure it out.

(((Yakamishi)))


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
sodamnlost
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to say I understand.

Not sure how far you are since Dday, at almost 5 months I have gained only some of that back. I wasn't able to even look at him for the lonest so I guess it's progress.

(((((((hugs)))))


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Word, Yakamishi. Word.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10573 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
coping/stuck
♀ 35013
Member # 35013
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep - I also miss US. I miss me. I miss comforting and being comforted. It all changes.


BS(me)48
WH 54
DD1 7/21/08, over a year to get the whole story out.
Married 22 1/2 years - together 24 1/2 yrs
4 kids
Trying to R
No one should know more about your life than you. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? God, I hope so.

Posts: 196 | Registered: Mar 2012
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I feel exactly the same. She's no longer my "Sweet Thing". She's become someone else: Someone who would hurt me.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
yoshi7268
♀ 35519
Member # 35519
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart hurts for you (((Yakamishi)))

Praying for you!


ME-BS-41 WH-45
Married 23 years-together 27
5 beautiful children ages 15-25
Dday1-late June 2011
Dday2-early July 2011
Dday3- early August 2011
Another affair 7 years before.
R going well

Posts: 281 | Registered: May 2012 | From: yoshi7268
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ 37664
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you pain my friend ! I'm right there with you. Our WW have lost their innocents. What hurts me the most is when I touch her exspecilly her breast . I just can't stand the tought of another man touching her ! I'm hoping over time this feeling goes away


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
Heartbroken331
♂ 35541
Member # 35541
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If we would ask people who would be the more likely cheater between me and my wife, I'm sure 100% of the people would say it would be me.

It crushes me when I remember all the things she did. I miss not worrying about her using her cellphone. I miss not second-guessing her motives for many things. I miss not feeling sad about song lyrics that I hear. I miss not being affected by infidelity stories from other people. I could go on and on, but it seems I miss my "old self". Her A changed me on so many levels. I am a totally different person now.

Strength to us all!!!


Me: BH (33)
Her: FWW (33)
Yrs together: 15
Yrs married: 10
1 Daughter (8)
DDay: March 2012
TT: February 2013
Church renewal of vows: Feb 10, 2013

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2012
Baby Boo Who
♂ 27480
Member # 27480
Concerned  Posted: 10:54 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the way I look at her hurts me.

I can relate. Peace and love to you Yakamishi


Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Idaho
Beyondbetrayal
♂ 37747
Member # 37747
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Isn't that the truth! I sometimes have such a hard time thinking my WW actually did all this. I feel sad every time I think about it, which is every five minutes right now. Do we stay married and push those feelings away? How do you ever wrap your mind around the fact that the one who is supposed to love you the most could betray you so badly? It's a huge wound. Huge. And the first of many casualties is the loss of that special feeling, that safe and secure innocence and trust we felt around our spouses. Sucks. I sure hope that feeling will return some day. I am not sure I can stay married without it.


Me: BS 45
Her: WS 46
Married 19 years
DDay: 10/9/2012

Posts: 279 | Registered: Dec 2012
CantacceptThis
♀ 37289
Member # 37289
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, February 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too miss the way it used to be...before I had to worry what he was really doing at work, worry what he's actually looking at on his phone, worry if he's looking for his next one since we all have the mind-set "once a cheater, always a cheater" and since I sometimes feel as if he "got away with it" and I'm still here for him. Those thoughts never crossed my mind before and I miss that.


Me: 41
Him: 40 (PA with ex g/f from 20 years ago)
DDay: 10-20-2012, then more details on
10-25-2012 (worst day of my life)
The trusting ship has sailed...no clue when or if it will ever dock again!

Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Midwest, USA
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. It truly gives me comfort knowing that I'm at least a little normal throughout this living nightmare.

I miss her, but still love her.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
bluecali
♂ 35135
Member # 35135
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally get you, Yak. When I overthink it, I think it's not "her" that I miss, it's my belief about who she was, and/or my experience of living under that belief. Turns out it was a false belief, so maybe I shouldn't miss it at all. But I do.


Me-BH
DDAY 12/1/11
Separated and uncertain

Posts: 398 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Elm Street
cletuswv
♂ 37463
Member # 37463
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could not agree more with all of the posts... I miss our friendship, to think for the last 2.5 years she remained the center of my world, while I was on the periphery of hers and an enemy in her mind. It is all so heard breaking.


Me: BH 40
Her: WW 35
DDay #1: 9/28/2012
TT until:
DDay #2: 1/03/2013
2.5 yr LTA EA/PA
Dday #3 6/19/2013 OM #2
DD 4
DS 7
She moved out on 7/2/2013

Posts: 94 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: The best Virginia
MandoBando
♀ 37308
Member # 37308
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really hurts. I am really missing the "only mine" feeling too. We were each other's only, until the As. And now I have trouble remembering what is special between us anymore.


Me: BS
Him: WS (longroadahead22)
DDay #1: 10/23/12
DDay #2: 11/7/12
DDay #3: 2/9/13
Kids: 2 boys, girl on the way
R, trying our best

Posts: 180 | Registered: Oct 2012
WearingTheHorns
♂ 37916
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy can I relate to everyone else. I feel like there's a knife in my back that I can just brush my fingers on the handle of, but can't reach to pull it out. I know over time the wound will scar over and the pain will lessen, but the knife will always be there. The other night when she finally gave me a timeline and more details, she said she hoped I would love her like I once did again some day. It hurt to tell her I never would love her that way again. Hopefullly it might be a better, stronger love, but it would never be the same as it once was.

But beyond that, I do hate many of the things I've become since D-day. I used to joke about being paranoid. Now in many ways I live it.

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 12:26 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 294 | Registered: Dec 2012
padstack
♂ 37202
Member # 37202
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand where you are coming from Yakamishi.

When I look at my fWW, I see a woman that has crushed my spirit and has changed me as a person, but not for the better. I see someone else enjoying her body in a way that only I was supposed to enjoy. I don't know if I will ever get over the damage that she has caused my life and her willingness to throw her family away like yesterday's trash. I don't see her as special anymore.


Me: BH 37
Her: fWW 34 (Lulu38)
DD 8
DS 3
D-Day #1 9/17/12 Admitted to EA
D-Day #2 10/18/12 Finally confessed to PA with coworker

Status: working towards R...


Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: So Cal
stillcrying4ever
♀ 38310
Member # 38310
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


All of your posts cut me to my soul. It is a good thing that I work alone and can have lunch alone while I read these. I use to not cry and now I can't stop. I feel all of your pain right along with my own. I try to look in his eyes but I can't stay there very long. Does he feel my pain? Does he get what he has done?


D Day May 27, 2012



Posts: 186 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
blindsided66
♂ 38339
Member # 38339
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like all of us on the post are feeling much the same way. The trust I had in my wife was not trust, as much as a blind faith that she was simply incapable of hurting me this way. What I have to accept is, that kind of trust is never coming back. I can never again think that she “can’t” hurt me that way, but instead, find a way to believe that she “won’t” ever hurt me like that again.
Like many of you, I am looking for a way to build a new level of trust, commitment and communication. My wife wants to have things, the way they were before and I have explained that is simply not possible. The innocence of us being in our first marriage, three kids, 16 years of devotion and togetherness through good and bad times, is gone. We will always miss that innocence and special bond. The question now is can we find something new, something similar and hopefully something in some ways, a little better. Better communication and truthfulness. Two months since D-Day and it has been rough. I didn’t know I could feel these kinds of emotions and pains. We’re still trying. Good luck to all of you who are also trying R.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 30
Pages: 1 · 2

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