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Yakamishi posted 2/11/2013 17:33 PM

I miss my WW's innocence. The notion that she was mine and mine alone. She was always the better of us. The more caring, more patient, more gentle. I had it all.

Now she's not innocent. And the way I look at her hurts me.

crazyblindsided posted 2/11/2013 17:36 PM

Yes I do understand... oh how this part hurts

In my case I see my WH as a monster (equivalent to my abusers in my past). It is a really hard pill to swallow and I may not be able to do it.

You just never think the person you love and trust with everything can literally ambush you. I will never figure it out.


sodamnlost posted 2/11/2013 17:39 PM

I just wanted to say I understand.

Not sure how far you are since Dday, at almost 5 months I have gained only some of that back. I wasn't able to even look at him for the lonest so I guess it's progress.


sisoon posted 2/11/2013 18:07 PM

Word, Yakamishi. Word.

coping/stuck posted 2/11/2013 18:15 PM

Yep - I also miss US. I miss me. I miss comforting and being comforted. It all changes.

Pass posted 2/11/2013 21:10 PM

Yes. I feel exactly the same. She's no longer my "Sweet Thing". She's become someone else: Someone who would hurt me.

yoshi7268 posted 2/11/2013 21:14 PM

My heart hurts for you (((Yakamishi)))

Praying for you!

Itsgoingtobeok posted 2/11/2013 21:54 PM

I feel you pain my friend ! I'm right there with you. Our WW have lost their innocents. What hurts me the most is when I touch her exspecilly her breast . I just can't stand the tought of another man touching her ! I'm hoping over time this feeling goes away

Heartbroken331 posted 2/11/2013 22:42 PM

If we would ask people who would be the more likely cheater between me and my wife, I'm sure 100% of the people would say it would be me.

It crushes me when I remember all the things she did. I miss not worrying about her using her cellphone. I miss not second-guessing her motives for many things. I miss not feeling sad about song lyrics that I hear. I miss not being affected by infidelity stories from other people. I could go on and on, but it seems I miss my "old self". Her A changed me on so many levels. I am a totally different person now.

Strength to us all!!!

Baby Boo Who posted 2/11/2013 22:54 PM

And the way I look at her hurts me.

I can relate. Peace and love to you Yakamishi

Beyondbetrayal posted 2/12/2013 06:32 AM

Isn't that the truth! I sometimes have such a hard time thinking my WW actually did all this. I feel sad every time I think about it, which is every five minutes right now. Do we stay married and push those feelings away? How do you ever wrap your mind around the fact that the one who is supposed to love you the most could betray you so badly? It's a huge wound. Huge. And the first of many casualties is the loss of that special feeling, that safe and secure innocence and trust we felt around our spouses. Sucks. I sure hope that feeling will return some day. I am not sure I can stay married without it.

CantacceptThis posted 2/12/2013 07:26 AM

I too miss the way it used to be...before I had to worry what he was really doing at work, worry what he's actually looking at on his phone, worry if he's looking for his next one since we all have the mind-set "once a cheater, always a cheater" and since I sometimes feel as if he "got away with it" and I'm still here for him. Those thoughts never crossed my mind before and I miss that.

Yakamishi posted 2/13/2013 07:13 AM

Thank you. It truly gives me comfort knowing that I'm at least a little normal throughout this living nightmare.

I miss her, but still love her.

bluecali posted 2/13/2013 11:59 AM

I totally get you, Yak. When I overthink it, I think it's not "her" that I miss, it's my belief about who she was, and/or my experience of living under that belief. Turns out it was a false belief, so maybe I shouldn't miss it at all. But I do.

cletuswv posted 2/13/2013 12:05 PM

I could not agree more with all of the posts... I miss our friendship, to think for the last 2.5 years she remained the center of my world, while I was on the periphery of hers and an enemy in her mind. It is all so heard breaking.

MandoBando posted 2/13/2013 12:14 PM

It really hurts. I am really missing the "only mine" feeling too. We were each other's only, until the As. And now I have trouble remembering what is special between us anymore.

WearingTheHorns posted 2/13/2013 12:24 PM

Boy can I relate to everyone else. I feel like there's a knife in my back that I can just brush my fingers on the handle of, but can't reach to pull it out. I know over time the wound will scar over and the pain will lessen, but the knife will always be there. The other night when she finally gave me a timeline and more details, she said she hoped I would love her like I once did again some day. It hurt to tell her I never would love her that way again. Hopefullly it might be a better, stronger love, but it would never be the same as it once was.

But beyond that, I do hate many of the things I've become since D-day. I used to joke about being paranoid. Now in many ways I live it.

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 12:26 PM, February 13th (Wednesday)]

padstack posted 2/13/2013 12:57 PM

I understand where you are coming from Yakamishi.

When I look at my fWW, I see a woman that has crushed my spirit and has changed me as a person, but not for the better. I see someone else enjoying her body in a way that only I was supposed to enjoy. I don't know if I will ever get over the damage that she has caused my life and her willingness to throw her family away like yesterday's trash. I don't see her as special anymore.

stillcrying4ever posted 2/13/2013 14:00 PM

All of your posts cut me to my soul. It is a good thing that I work alone and can have lunch alone while I read these. I use to not cry and now I can't stop. I feel all of your pain right along with my own. I try to look in his eyes but I can't stay there very long. Does he feel my pain? Does he get what he has done?

blindsided66 posted 2/13/2013 14:21 PM

It seems like all of us on the post are feeling much the same way. The trust I had in my wife was not trust, as much as a blind faith that she was simply incapable of hurting me this way. What I have to accept is, that kind of trust is never coming back. I can never again think that she “can’t” hurt me that way, but instead, find a way to believe that she “won’t” ever hurt me like that again.
Like many of you, I am looking for a way to build a new level of trust, commitment and communication. My wife wants to have things, the way they were before and I have explained that is simply not possible. The innocence of us being in our first marriage, three kids, 16 years of devotion and togetherness through good and bad times, is gone. We will always miss that innocence and special bond. The question now is can we find something new, something similar and hopefully something in some ways, a little better. Better communication and truthfulness. Two months since D-Day and it has been rough. I didn’t know I could feel these kinds of emotions and pains. We’re still trying. Good luck to all of you who are also trying R.

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