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Rec - Book for learning to disagree 'well'?

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Fidelia posted 2/16/2013 00:00 AM

Both WH and I have communication issues, esp when arguing. We both have times when we conflict avoid before things bubble over. When in an argument, I often feel entrenched and find it hard to back down.

WH has been told to stand up for himself more and now in arguments he's started doing the same unhealthy stance as me...not a good idea!

We both need a book that helps us with communication and especially how to disagree healthily and respectfully.

I'd love it if it were an easy read, too

WakingFromADream posted 2/19/2013 15:18 PM

I actually have three recommendations for you. I didn't find them easy since I had to stop frequently to consider what was written.

"Fighting for your Marriage" by Howard Markham

This deals with many aspects of M. I feel that it has some really great insights into communication in a M and some of the dynamics that can occur.


"Crucial Conversations" and "Crucial Confrontations" by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny

I really like these because they really give a nice way to break down confrontations into understandable chunks and gives you a starting point to be able to work through it.

Fidelia posted 2/19/2013 17:19 PM

Thank you

PippaPeach6 posted 2/20/2013 11:31 AM

The book that helped us the most was Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. Complete eye-opener, especially for H. Our communication has improved 1000%. He also has DVDs of his seminars with wife Julie available on his website, if you're not readers -

eta: "respectfully" was key in improving our "discussions" and when/how to back down

[This message edited by PippaPeach6 at 11:32 AM, February 20th (Wednesday)]

AFrayedKnot posted 2/21/2013 06:25 AM

We found "The Marriage you have always dreamed of" By Greg Smalley, very useful. It is an overall relationship book but much of it is about communication. Lots of great techniques.

It is a very christian focused book, which we were hesitant about at first but we got over it pretty quickly.

PlainsGirl29 posted 3/6/2013 16:44 PM

Check out marriage builders books by dr. Harley, "His Needs, her Needs" and "Lovebusters" may be a good start.

Helen of Troy posted 3/7/2013 11:52 AM

NonViolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This book can be life changing.

atsenaotie posted 3/7/2013 14:48 PM

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Written for business, but works well for me in family communications too.

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