I was raised very conservatively and prostitutes were just something that I knew were "out there" but certainly not a part of MY life!
Then, while in the bed with mono, one Sunday I just felt like something was telling me to check my husband's computer - I had never done it before. Found a lot of porn.
Then, 2 months later, again, checked his computer. I saw a picture of his erect penis in the foreground, and a naked, dark, female body in the background. I know you might not believe this, but I HAD NO IDEA who or what it was. When he answered, "Its a prostitute" I actually died inside. My life has never been the same. There is a hole in my soul that will never be filled.
He told me that he was driving to his hotel (while out of town on business) and she flagged him down at a stop light - wanting a ride. He said he had no idea she was a prostitute. He said he would take her to the drug store. She asked if he wanted a bj. According to him he said no repeatedly, but finally "gave in". (So glad she didn't want him to rob a bank!)
I transfered the picture to my computer and spent HOURS every day zooming in on her face, her body, her expression. I obsessed.
Thank you for this thread, because today, almost 6 years later, I think the worst part to me is the "prostitute" element. For 6 years I have been trying to figure out a way for it not to be true. For my husband NOT to be the kind of man who would do this.
I am ashamed. I am horrified. I don't think I will ever get over it. And although I have pleaded with my husband for YEARS to 'work' on our marriage with me, he does not. He has too much guilt and shame to deal with it. Also, he has told me that he knows I will never get over it.
Maybe he is right. I know I have forgiven him - I just need him to be actively involved in the repair. He says he cannot forgive himself. It has ruined his life. It has ruined my life. He is a broken man. We are both miserable, and I feel we would be just as miserable if we divorced. So, we are together, but miserable.
Unlike one person who posted, I did not do just ANYTHING sexually with him. But he had never asked for anything that I had not tried. I don't know if that is partly the reason for his chosing her. He is disabled and sex is very different with him. He says it was only a bj, and he made her stop halfway through it, when he realized what he was doing. I even asked him at one point - "If it was just a bj, did she do that better than me?" Of course he said no. What else could he say?
I guess the same selfishness and weakness that enabled him to make that choice with the porostitute enables him to avoid facing it with himself or me.
I pray my defeatest attitude is partially due to my dday coming up in a week or so. The actual day he did it. I am a person of faith, and I guess there is a morsel of hope that I could feel connected to him in some way again at some point.
I'm so sorry if this is a t/j. And I am so very sorry for all of your pain.
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 7:23 AM, March 1st (Friday)]