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Betrayed67 posted 3/8/2013 02:41 AM

Nearly 8 weeks since DDay. And I looked at my wedding ring today for the first time since DDay when I took it off. I miss my wedding ring but i just cant wear it any longer - its a very painful reminder for me about what he did. I just cant help but break down. WH was there looking at me crying and I can see the remorse and sadness in his eyes.

Rella posted 3/8/2013 05:53 AM

It's probably more appropriate to wait for full R, then get new rings symbolizing the new start. Mine is in the septic tank!

movingforward13 posted 3/8/2013 06:46 AM

I know how you feel. When I took my rings off for good, my finger felt naked but it wasn't my fault. My finger still feels naked but it symbolizes my freedom from the emotional turmoil he put me and our son through.

noprincess posted 3/8/2013 07:08 AM

So sorry about the rings. I also took mine off after D-Day #2. Just can't wear them. Part of me does miss them or what they symbolized but like you, I guess my marriage was a fraud and I can't live with that little reminder on my finger.

I put mine away in a place I wouldn't see them - not next to my bed! This small step helps me by giving me some detachment and a measure of control over something I feel so powerless about.

I'm so sorry and am sending many hugs to you.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 3/8/2013 07:43 AM

It's probably more appropriate to wait for full R, then get new rings symbolizing the new start.

Definitely wait. We exchanged rings too soon. After another dday I gave it back to him. Told him to give it back to me when he was DONE lying.

I do have it back now, but it was awful to find out he was still lying when he promised me a new beginning.

Be patient. It is worth it in the end if you both put the work into the journey.

cookiegrl posted 3/8/2013 10:03 AM

So sorry Betrayed67 :( I've stopped wearing mine too.

heartbroken2012 posted 3/8/2013 10:09 AM

I dont feel that rings mean anything anymore. People who cheat on their spouses usually still screw the other person while wearing them. They symbolize nothing.

My WH and I never wore rings, and I dont think it would have kept it from happening. The OW was wearing her wedding ring when I met her for lunch (while she was screwing my husband)....it didnt seem to stop her moral compass from pointing the wrong way.

Sorry...Im not cheerful today.

scrambled2 posted 4/9/2013 04:51 AM

Hi there,

I'm four months into my DD. Yes after being together for 26 years & being married for the past 14 years, I too felt indifferent when I removed the rings. The only time they were removed was when I had both C-sections. I felt naked when I first removed them, but now I'm glad they are not there. They have been filed away with all the other cherished wedding items.

27yearsnowlost posted 4/9/2013 07:30 AM

I can't mine either, It been a little over a month. We had a party to go to last weekend and some people noticed.

HurtsBad posted 4/9/2013 08:09 AM

After D-Day, I made a point to wear my ring at all times.

I figured that even though my WW had plowed right over her vows, I was still married.

That lasted for about six months, when I realized she wasn't coming back.

wanttogoforward posted 4/9/2013 17:31 PM

Wedding rings are such a personal thing for most.... if you simply cannot bring yourself to put it back on that's ok.... until you know where you are headed you can always buy an inexpensive, pretty ring that you enjoy- if your finger feels 'naked'.
When the time is right maybe new ones are in order?!
My story includes leaving the rings on, even when I was at my lowest- didn't want the questions from those around me.... at a later date I was able to get a beautiful new ring.... on a side note he didn't want a new one--- I wanted him to get a new one--- KARMA intervened and his broke right in half one day out of the blue- just broke!!! He had to get a new ring
News rings for us both

Changed72 posted 4/9/2013 17:57 PM

My W would almost always wear her ring. I wore mine when we would go out. Sometimes we would forget to put them on.

Prior to Dday...

As we were driving to different events, I would ask her, "Are you married today?" Just as a joke.

I guess she didn't think about that to much when she was with them...

Her ring and her vows, didn't mean shit at that time.

Maybe at our 50 year anniversary, we will get new ones. Only 34 years to go.

Phoenix1 posted 4/9/2013 18:20 PM

After more than 20 years of wearing it 24/7, it feels strange not having it on, but wearing it is a lie. However, I wear it to work to avoid questions that I am not ready to discuss with anyone yet. I take it off as soon as I get home...

cheerless posted 4/9/2013 18:22 PM

I kept mine on through all my surgeries. Signed waivers that said I wouldn't hold anyone responsible if I suffered a burn.

It was just a tiny circle of metal but I loved knowing that it meant I was loved, honored and cherished by my H.

I couldn't get it off fast enough when I found out how little I meant to him.

hopingforhappy posted 4/9/2013 18:25 PM

There have been threads like this in the past and they have made me wonder--it never occurred to me after DDay to take my rings off, why is that? In retrospect, I wish I had taken them off and not put them back on until I was more healed. A while after DDay, I found out that my FWH took his ring off every time he was with OW. Claimed he did not want to "taint" it. I am not sure I believe that. She certainly took it as a sign that I was not important to him, that he did not want to be married to me or even think about me. Another thing that hurt me. Ugg!

3kids30years posted 4/9/2013 19:05 PM

My WH "lost" his ring a few years ago playing golf. I replaced it and he "lost' it again.
Now I realize that the ring meant very little to him. It was not a symbol of his comitment. I am not able to wear my ring anymore - it doesn't fit (3 kids, weight gain, ARGH!!!) I do have a simple gold band that I wear. I take it off at night, but wear it everyday.
About a week after DDay my WH gets a package from Amazon, He had purchased a new ring. He has been wearing it everyday and puts it next to mine at night. It is a little thing, but means a lot to me. Maybe it is a reminder to him of what he could have lost. His entire family. I'm praying he doesn't loose this one.

27yearsnowlost posted 4/9/2013 19:31 PM

I pretty sure that my WH kept his ring on during his oral sex sessions. Since I never even crossed his mind.

cheerless posted 4/9/2013 19:43 PM

Ditto to that 27. I know for sure my WH did.

They kept the lights on, too.

But I guess they were too busy to notice the wedding rings their respective spouses put on them.

He keeps his on to remind him of the vows I made to him. Along with that I am reminded how often it came in contact with her skanky private parts.

On wait, are they still considered private parts if you share them with as many people as possible???

fromthisdayfwd posted 4/9/2013 21:17 PM

wanttogoforward - OH MY GOSH! I love that his ring BROKE!

Changed72 - We used to say that to one another, too. He stopped wearing his to work after he was nearly electrocuted. I had mine on most all the time. However, he didn't even bother to take it off when he was with his girlfriend. I doubt she took hers off, either.

Betrayed67 - I am so sorry. I took mine off the moment I discovered it was true. I have not put it back on again. I don't plan on it.

Weird story, though: About the same time his affair started I began getting a raw sore under my ring. I would literally have to take it off and put medicine on it. It would take about a week. I would replace my ring and it would happen again; each time the sore would return more quickly and larger. At one point you could even see it extending past the edges of my very wide band. I assumed that the I had become 'allergic' to it. Hahahaha! Allergic is Right!

Still don't wear it. If I ever choose to be 'heart married' to him again he is gonna have to buy me a new one or, at the very least, have a new one made from the old (I at least get the symbolism of that.)

hopingforhappy - I am hoping for happy someday, too. It is amazing to me that he thought taking the ring off wouldn't 'taint' it. Um ..... ok.

hopingforhappy posted 4/9/2013 21:28 PM

I don't really believe the "tainted" thing. I think he took it off because he felt less guilt that way. He is a master compartmentalizer. Or, it could be that OW suggested it. He did just about anything she asked him to do. He says he did those things to keep her in line so she would not tell me about the A. Again, not sure I believe that. He was totally screwed up during that time. I don't think he could explain what he was thinking then, even if he really wanted to. I am sure that any explanation he would try to give me would not be acceptable anyway.

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