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User Topic: Wedding rings
Betrayed67
♀ 38134
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 2:41 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nearly 8 weeks since DDay. And I looked at my wedding ring today for the first time since DDay when I took it off. I miss my wedding ring but i just cant wear it any longer - its a very painful reminder for me about what he did. I just cant help but break down. WH was there looking at me crying and I can see the remorse and sadness in his eyes.


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
Rella
♀ 21136
Member # 21136
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's probably more appropriate to wait for full R, then get new rings symbolizing the new start. Mine is in the septic tank!


Happily Divorced- final in Oct. 2009, Engaged to my True Love in Dec. 2012

When his family jokingly tells you of how "spoiled" HE was as a child, RUN- It doesn't change when they get older!


Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New England
movingforward13
♀ 38405
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know how you feel. When I took my rings off for good, my finger felt naked but it wasn't my fault. My finger still feels naked but it symbolizes my freedom from the emotional turmoil he put me and our son through.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 645 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
noprincess
♀ 38660
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry about the rings. I also took mine off after D-Day #2. Just can't wear them. Part of me does miss them or what they symbolized but like you, I guess my marriage was a fraud and I can't live with that little reminder on my finger.

I put mine away in a place I wouldn't see them - not next to my bed! This small step helps me by giving me some detachment and a measure of control over something I feel so powerless about.

I'm so sorry and am sending many hugs to you.


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ 13333
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's probably more appropriate to wait for full R, then get new rings symbolizing the new start.

Definitely wait. We exchanged rings too soon. After another dday I gave it back to him. Told him to give it back to me when he was DONE lying.

I do have it back now, but it was awful to find out he was still lying when he promised me a new beginning.

Be patient. It is worth it in the end if you both put the work into the journey.


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6771 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
cookiegrl
♀ 38647
Member # 38647
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry Betrayed67 :( I've stopped wearing mine too.


Me: BW
Him: WH
Married 8 years
2 awesome kids, 7 and 4
D-Day #1 2/28/13
D-Day #2 10/21/13
Reconciling
Courage is not the absence of fear. It's acting in the face of fear.

Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Florida
heartbroken2012
♀ 38089
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont feel that rings mean anything anymore. People who cheat on their spouses usually still screw the other person while wearing them. They symbolize nothing.

My WH and I never wore rings, and I dont think it would have kept it from happening. The OW was wearing her wedding ring when I met her for lunch (while she was screwing my husband)....it didnt seem to stop her moral compass from pointing the wrong way.

Sorry...Im not cheerful today.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 561 | Registered: Jan 2013
scrambled2
♀ 38901
Member # 38901
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there,

I'm four months into my DD. Yes after being together for 26 years & being married for the past 14 years, I too felt indifferent when I removed the rings. The only time they were removed was when I had both C-sections. I felt naked when I first removed them, but now I'm glad they are not there. They have been filed away with all the other cherished wedding items.


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
27yearsnowlost
♀ 38787
Member # 38787
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't mine either, It been a little over a month. We had a party to go to last weekend and some people noticed.


Bw (me) 47
WH (him) 59
D day 3/7/2013
Married 26 together 28
2 adult sons 25 and 22

Posts: 167 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: nj
HurtsBad
♂ 20687
Member # 20687
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After D-Day, I made a point to wear my ring at all times.

I figured that even though my WW had plowed right over her vows, I was still married.

That lasted for about six months, when I realized she wasn't coming back.


Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: the best place in the Whole Wide World!
wanttogoforward
♀ 29912
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wedding rings are such a personal thing for most.... if you simply cannot bring yourself to put it back on that's ok.... until you know where you are headed you can always buy an inexpensive, pretty ring that you enjoy- if your finger feels 'naked'.
When the time is right maybe new ones are in order?!
My story includes leaving the rings on, even when I was at my lowest- didn't want the questions from those around me.... at a later date I was able to get a beautiful new ring.... on a side note he didn't want a new one--- I wanted him to get a new one--- KARMA intervened and his broke right in half one day out of the blue- just broke!!! He had to get a new ring
News rings for us both

Posts: 1190 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Changed72
♂ 38723
Member # 38723
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My W would almost always wear her ring. I wore mine when we would go out. Sometimes we would forget to put them on.

Prior to Dday...

As we were driving to different events, I would ask her, "Are you married today?" Just as a joke.

I guess she didn't think about that to much when she was with them...

Her ring and her vows, didn't mean shit at that time.

Maybe at our 50 year anniversary, we will get new ones. Only 34 years to go.


Me-38
Her-41
Married 15 years
1 DD13
DDay 3-2-13
Working on R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After more than 20 years of wearing it 24/7, it feels strange not having it on, but wearing it is a lie. However, I wear it to work to avoid questions that I am not ready to discuss with anyone yet. I take it off as soon as I get home...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1316 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
cheerless
♀ 38135
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kept mine on through all my surgeries. Signed waivers that said I wouldn't hold anyone responsible if I suffered a burn.

It was just a tiny circle of metal but I loved knowing that it meant I was loved, honored and cherished by my H.

I couldn't get it off fast enough when I found out how little I meant to him.


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
hopingforhappy
♀ 29288
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There have been threads like this in the past and they have made me wonder--it never occurred to me after DDay to take my rings off, why is that? In retrospect, I wish I had taken them off and not put them back on until I was more healed. A while after DDay, I found out that my FWH took his ring off every time he was with OW. Claimed he did not want to "taint" it. I am not sure I believe that. She certainly took it as a sign that I was not important to him, that he did not want to be married to me or even think about me. Another thing that hurt me. Ugg!


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Aug 2010
3kids30years
♀ 38879
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH "lost" his ring a few years ago playing golf. I replaced it and he "lost' it again.
Now I realize that the ring meant very little to him. It was not a symbol of his comitment. I am not able to wear my ring anymore - it doesn't fit (3 kids, weight gain, ARGH!!!) I do have a simple gold band that I wear. I take it off at night, but wear it everyday.
About a week after DDay my WH gets a package from Amazon, He had purchased a new ring. He has been wearing it everyday and puts it next to mine at night. It is a little thing, but means a lot to me. Maybe it is a reminder to him of what he could have lost. His entire family. I'm praying he doesn't loose this one.


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
TT until 9/02/13
NC broken 4/15/14
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
9/14 - getting better. we


Posts: 223 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
27yearsnowlost
♀ 38787
Member # 38787
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I pretty sure that my WH kept his ring on during his oral sex sessions. Since I never even crossed his mind.


Bw (me) 47
WH (him) 59
D day 3/7/2013
Married 26 together 28
2 adult sons 25 and 22

Posts: 167 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: nj
cheerless
♀ 38135
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to that 27. I know for sure my WH did.

They kept the lights on, too.

But I guess they were too busy to notice the wedding rings their respective spouses put on them.

He keeps his on to remind him of the vows I made to him. Along with that I am reminded how often it came in contact with her skanky private parts.

On wait, are they still considered private parts if you share them with as many people as possible???


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
fromthisdayfwd
♀ 30634
Member # 30634
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wanttogoforward - OH MY GOSH! I love that his ring BROKE!

Changed72 - We used to say that to one another, too. He stopped wearing his to work after he was nearly electrocuted. I had mine on most all the time. However, he didn't even bother to take it off when he was with his girlfriend. I doubt she took hers off, either.

Betrayed67 - I am so sorry. I took mine off the moment I discovered it was true. I have not put it back on again. I don't plan on it.

Weird story, though: About the same time his affair started I began getting a raw sore under my ring. I would literally have to take it off and put medicine on it. It would take about a week. I would replace my ring and it would happen again; each time the sore would return more quickly and larger. At one point you could even see it extending past the edges of my very wide band. I assumed that the I had become 'allergic' to it. Hahahaha! Allergic is Right!

Still don't wear it. If I ever choose to be 'heart married' to him again he is gonna have to buy me a new one or, at the very least, have a new one made from the old (I at least get the symbolism of that.)

hopingforhappy - I am hoping for happy someday, too. It is amazing to me that he thought taking the ring off wouldn't 'taint' it. Um ..... ok.


Married 8/20/1994
Betrayed
DDay 6/23/2010
A gift is not given if it has been demanded.

Failure to attempt is failure.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jan 2011
hopingforhappy
♀ 29288
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really believe the "tainted" thing. I think he took it off because he felt less guilt that way. He is a master compartmentalizer. Or, it could be that OW suggested it. He did just about anything she asked him to do. He says he did those things to keep her in line so she would not tell me about the A. Again, not sure I believe that. He was totally screwed up during that time. I don't think he could explain what he was thinking then, even if he really wanted to. I am sure that any explanation he would try to give me would not be acceptable anyway.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1378 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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