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Sam793 posted 3/13/2013 06:21 AM

We had a family day out yesterday. My BW and I took our DD to a fun park where believe it or not my DD had a ton of fun. It made me feel so good watching her run around like she was fueled by sugar. I had a great day.

I guess I was tired though. I had a hard time staying awake on the way home. My BS ended up getting very upset with me. My facial expressions were showing something different than what I was feeling I was told. She said I was getting very frustrated with her. That wasn't true.

I also know she was in pain. This time it was both mentally and physically. The one thing that she is known for is to carry on even though she knows she can't. She wasn't feeling well and being 35 weeks pregnant doesn't help either. The emotional pain is always there. With both of these together I can't imagine how she feels.

Does anyone else's BS read their emotions or facial expressions wrong? How do you overcome this? How do you tell them what you are feeling isn't what it looks like? Any pointers would be appreciated.

longroadahead22 posted 3/13/2013 06:44 AM

My only recommendation is to go back and re-examine the situation and your thoughts. Be honest with yourself, brutally honest, were you even the slightest bit frustrated? Maybe not even with her, with yourself, with lack of energetic or sleep, or even outside factors? Cuz for me it is generally true if my facial expressions say one thing and my mind tells me another than generally I haven't looks deep enough or I'm not being honest enough. I hope this helps

BaxtersBFF posted 3/13/2013 09:31 AM

I think longroad has some good ideas that you should check out.

As far as reading facial expressions, some people are really good at it. Our faces can betray our thoughts and emotions. Can someone be wrong? Sure. But what if they aren't?

In my case, it was my voice. For almost two years my voice had no inflection when I talked to her. She could hear the difference when I talked with others, like the kids or co-workers. It was a defense mechanism I was using to try to protect myself, yet I didn't realize it until she pointed it out to me.

I generally believe that at some point in a relationship, your SO is going to know you better than you know yourself. There are exceptions, but really, that is part of what a M becomes. Once you both are actively working on things, there comes an understanding of the other that sometimes that other person doesn't seem to notice except when it's pointed out by someone other than yourself. Does that make sense? I'm confusing myself...

Anyway, if you think your BW is misreading your facial expressions, then what can you do to change that? Is it her fault for the misread? or is it up to you to find a way to stay engaged, or let her know that you need a mental/emotional break or even just a nap to re-energize?

hardlessons posted 3/13/2013 12:27 PM

Sam, first and this is the hard part, remember it is not something to defend, her perceptions are hers. Yours are all yours. This isn't an opportunity to overcome. Feelings just are and as such I try to empathize first then communicate how I am feeling. It is up to her to accept or not, just be honest, express your feelings after you have acknowledged what she expressed and leave it at that. I said try as I fail at this many times, but it is a road map, process I am trying to instill in myself.

While we were raised to keep score at all times, it is useless and in a committed marriage is akin to betting against your home team...

silverhopes posted 3/13/2013 13:22 PM

Does anyone else's BS read their emotions or facial expressions wrong? How do you overcome this? How do you tell them what you are feeling isn't what it looks like?

Hmm. Sometimes when H notices my facial expression, rather than worry about what the "right" answer is (am I angry? am I not angry?), I just tell him every thought that is on my mind, no matter how random it seems. Total honesty in a moment where he might want to know. He can make his own conclusions... Maybe it even gives me some insight when he answers, if he says, "Well this part must be difficult..." and it might spark a realization - hmm, surprisingly yes - or else, no, not so much, and here's why... (Other times, if he scoffs at me and leaves the room, that can be hard. But also a good feeling to have been radically honest.)

Sometimes saying what's on your mind, no matter how random, is a good way of giving transparency and intimacy. You're letting your partner know not just who but also WHERE you are.

Sam793 posted 3/14/2013 06:03 AM

Thank you all for your comments. I realize and also have said to my BS that she knows me better than anyone. Why would this be an exception.