Apparently, it is the very persuit of happiness that thwarts happiness.
I heard about this research on the radio the other day and a PM I got earlier reminded me of the research.
I certainly used to focus very heavily of "wanting to be happy". Why couldn't I just be happy?
Well looking back it pretty apparent. I was never going to be happy while I carried such burdens affecting my self-respect and limiting my self-acceptance. I had to accept that I was limiting my own happiness, rather than project all my issues onto my relationship - both at work and in my personal life.
I guess this is an extension of something I remember Uncertainone saying - let go of the outcome.
I really didn't get what that meant for a long time. But once I started to think about the problem at hand, rather than focussing on what might happen once I done this, or said that....all the possible raminfications of the problems, life became for straightfoward. More managable. And with that I became much less cluttered mentally. Choices more obvious and decisions became easier to make and incurred less anguish and heartache. I stop wondering about what if I'd done or said this, and just accept my actions or words and the road down which I was travelling because of those.
My focus moved from the periphery and the distance to the here and now, my choices, my decision and then afterwards, the single path which I am following as a consequence.
With this came peace and subsequently, happiness is on the horizon.
I agree, it's not so much a case of "seek and ye shall find", but more a case of "accept and happiness will come to you".