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Newest Member: Zhendeda (61773)

User Topic: T/j...Let go of the outcome?
♂ 37328
Member # 37328
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry OKM I didn't want to steal your thread therefore i wanted to explore this thought here.

Let go of the outcome...

So much in such a simple phrase. Bit what does it really mean, or is an individual definition or action. And how do you come to your understanding and or acceptance of this new philosophy?

This is my take on it and please help me narrow down my thinking if I'm off base. If you come to the point when you r "happy"/ healthy then the outcomes are truly one you are capable of living with. Because healthy choices generally lead to acceptable outcomes . Or at least outcome you as will to accept as a consequence of you previous choice.

Say for instance, this really did happen tonight, I went out to meijer for dog food. I remember my wife saying something about want wacky things in the garden. Gardening is a new big thing at least for me cuz previously I wanted nothing to do with it. Now I see it as a relaxing and rewarding way of spending time with my BS, a way to teach me hard work and patience do pay off with beautiful results. Ok now with that being said I bought her a wacky decoration but also bought a pair of Garden gloves for me. Now when I got home I gave her he wacky present but tried to pass the gloves off on the sly as a gift for her as well even though I bought them for me. Now lying is a BIG problem for me that I'm trying to improve. Approx 10mins later I confessed to the lie. I was shaking and she was visibly disappointed/ mad(not sure which). But afterwards my conscious was clear. I worried about the consequences of the lie after I told it but after coming clean the outcome that matters to me was a small win for personal progress.

If others have a better take on this please chime in!

WS (Me): 26 y/o
BS (Her): 26 y/o (MandoBando)
Relationship: M for 4 years, a 20 month old son and a 8 month old son.
D-Day: 10/23/12
Working towards R...

Despite the fact that i am an ass hole, horrible father, and horrible husband; i LOVE and

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Toledo, OH
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I truly started letting go of the outcomes, I was free to be true to myself. I could be authentic to who I was again, and self respect started to follow.


Your example is the start of that, you let go of the outcome of your W getting upset and confessed the truth. The more you begin to be true to your authentic self the less you should need to lie at all.

[This message edited by tired girl at 7:26 PM, March 13th (Wednesday)]

Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

Posts: 7444 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Inside my head
♀ 34173
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No problem LRH

When I truly started letting go of the outcomes, I was free to be true to myself. I could be authentic to who I was again, and self respect started to follow.

Yup - pretty much this. ^^^^

Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
♀ 38438
Member # 38438
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To let go of the outcome is truly at the crux of being authentic, truthful and real.

An example of this is that I recently confessed to old A's to my H. Before I could do this, I had to get through the terror of the possiblity that it would be too much for him and he would leave. Once I let go of the outcome and realised I had NO control over what he said or did, was I had the strength and courage to be truthful.

It is a freeing thing to do. And although not perceived at the time, an act of love for the other person, as well as the self.

It also means we can maintain solid boundaries with others, as their response or actions are out of our control, but we DO control what we do and how we live.

It is a standing up for the self, and maintaining a core of integrity and self respect.

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
― James Baldwin

Posts: 288 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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