SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Does NC apply to the BS as well?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

WWMEH13 posted 3/15/2013 08:46 AM

Last Sunday my BH and I were having dinner and he casually mentioned that my AP's BW had reached out via email a couple of weeks back to see how he was doing?

I had been doing really well with not thinking about AP and this just brought it right back up. He went NC with me on 2/1/2013, but should that also apply to his wife?

Has anyone else had experience with this?

BaxtersBFF posted 3/15/2013 10:16 AM

NC is best all around, but sometimes the BS's keep in contact to verify that NC between the WS's is being maintained.

Would your BH agree to informing you in a more timely manner when contact with the AP's BW calls?

WWMEH13 posted 3/15/2013 10:37 AM

I think so. We brought it up in MC this morning. BH doesn't think she'll reach out again, but if she does, he'll either ignore or politely respond that he doesn't think it is a good idea for them to have contact.

thecaves posted 3/15/2013 13:01 PM

My BW and the OW's BH keep in contact on occasion.

We were very close friends with the other couple before. Of course I now realize that is not really true is it?

In the beginning, I was concerned that my BW could be headed down the slippery slope with him but that was me placing my shit on her. I was also not fully aware of what the conversations were about.

Now, she tells me when they talk and what they talk about. Most of the time it is to keep an eye on me and the OW to ensure NC and of course I think this is great.

They do talk about the A sometimes and share information. My BW does not really want to know much about the A from him as she knows my view will be different from the OW. I was initially concerned that the OW would take revenge and feed lies about me. I know I hurt her as well. Her BH also found out (or at least got confirmation) from my BW.

I would say NC does not apply as long as the conversation is kept to sharing of information and helping to avoid NC between the APs. If the conversation turns to consoling one another then I think there is cause for concern.

WWMEH13 posted 3/15/2013 13:06 PM

She reached out to ask him how he was doing. Told him her children knew and that she felt like a failure as a parent. Told him that she knew of two times I reached, but both of those were before the NC request, which I have honored, and frankly needed to get on with my life and decision making.

He said he doesn't think she has anyone else to talk to about it. I think she should find someone. They have already shared all the know with each other about the A...there is really nothing there to discuss.

cdnmommy posted 3/15/2013 14:40 PM

He said he doesn't think she has anyone else to talk to about it. I think she should find someone. They have already shared all the know with each other about the A...there is really nothing there to discuss.

I believe that at a certain point there must be NC between the BSs for R to work, but I think 6 weeks into NC after what sounds like months of messing with their minds is too early to expect it.

If your BH doesn't feel like he wants to talk to her then he should definitely say something, but I would be very cautious of insisting he do it for your sake.

[This message edited by cdnmommy at 2:40 PM, March 15th (Friday)]

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.