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My BS just asked me a question that not sure I have an answer for and was wondering if others have thought about this.

In this journey to make ourselves as WS healthy we must identify our own individual why's. But what made us take that first step. What made us take a potential EA into a PA or for those without EA what made you first step over those boundaries? What event? What thought made it ok that time but potentially not okay other times?

It was gradual and if I'm honest I don't recall which step was the first one. It was baby steps almost, tiny cracks in the foundations which led to bigger ones which led to huge chunks being taken out which led to the wall crumbling. I can't pinpoint what the first step was but I can pinpoint what made me think it was okay to take it and what I need to fix, don't you think that's more important?

Unagie, I do think identifying what needs fixed is more important but I couldn't answer my BS last night when she asked that question and was looking for any further insight

I agree with unagie - it 's ONE moment. or one event...it's shuffling steps forward until you look bank and realise the boundary that you were supposed to respect is so far behind you you can barely see it.

For me I admit with shame, that my EA resulted min a reconformation of my then belief: "if I feel so strongly about another man then my M must be wrong".

Needless to say I now know it's a crock of shit. But I remember thinking that before the kiss...

That and a dose of selfish - I want to do thisit makes me feel good when everything else is flat....

I was just making myself more hollow by the minute...everystep I took towards the OM just destroyed myself a little bit more

[This message edited by OktoberMest at 9:09 AM, March 17th (Sunday)]

For me it started with "If I feel so strongly about him then it must mean something."

For me it started with "If I feel so strongly about him then it must mean something."

To me, a BH who has wondered this for a long while, this is the most cogent and coherent answer to this question that I've yet seen.