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Aiming for your ego

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longroadahead22 posted 3/17/2013 14:11 PM

I've heard on SI before that WS A down. Although that is not always true.

I had an interesting though/ perspective... Do you A to your ego? What I mean is if your perception of yourself is low do you A down vs if you had a high opinion of yourself do you A up?

[This message edited by longroadahead22 at 2:12 PM, March 17th (Sunday)]

OktoberMest posted 3/17/2013 14:23 PM

How do you not think this is true?

I think people generally do A down...because to A up would imply that you have an A with someone better looking, of better moral standing than your BS. And to be honest, it takes a damaged person to enter into an A in the first place....or not end it once they discover the WS is not free.

Maybe it's different in the MH situation - do you still consider it Aing down?

I take looks out of this tbh firstly because they're a personal thing and second because to me it's about having a relationship with someone who's unhealthy enough to still go ahead with someone they know is married or attached...That to me still means you A down.

I don't think it has your opinion of yourself has anything to do with the phrase - I think it something that refers to a comparison between your BS and your AP. So no, I don't think you A to your ego. JMO

Personally despite knowing my BH had wayward tendanices, I still know I A'd down.

BaxtersBFF posted 3/17/2013 14:25 PM

I don't think that up or down as it relates to the Honey They Always Affair Down thread is about the WS's perception of themselves. It is a matter of anyone who would become involved in an A is "affairing down" is "less than" the BS. Not sure if I'm explaining that coherently...

I thought pretty highly of myself before the A, or I believed I thought highly of myself. See it as arrogance the true nature of my A was that the real me came out. That real me was a broken person who didn't know how to cope in a healthy way. The MOW in my case was likely covering for as many fucked up issues as I was. No comparison to my BW. I affaired down.

uncertainone posted 3/17/2013 14:46 PM

I think it's just as curious a comment as the "they lost my unconditional love". Um, what??? You keep using that word but I don't think it means what you think it does (one of the most brilliant lines in a movie).

If you have poor self esteem you affair down? Wouldn't you have also married "down" or is that you just got lucky?

Low self esteem and your "picker" connection merely means you will sometimes be drawn to shiny overlooking gold. Drawn to pieces never considering you're worth a whole. As long as there's something to take from it that works that's enough for now.

You need to have that same view of yourself as well. That's the tragedy right there. As is said on here so often, "there are no perfect marriages". True, but there are also relationships so barren and void of any sustenance that the partners are starving to death.

If you're in the desert and you find a glass of water you think you give two shits the condition of the glass.

When you learn to self sustain, not needing anyone for survival you may just find you look for entirely different things than you ever did because your offer entirely different things so attract a different individual.

It's like voldemort. The host is only the carrier. You need someone else to be you. Not healthy or safe...for anyone.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 6:08 PM, March 17th (Sunday)]

silverhopes posted 3/17/2013 14:59 PM

What I mean is if your perception of yourself is low do you A down vs if you had a high opinion of yourself do you A up?

Hmm. I don't think it works that way. I think that's assigning value to the AP that isn't really there. An A, in general, is a bad choice. There are no "ups" when it comes to cheating.

If you're in the dessert and you find a glass of water you think you give two shits the condition of the glass.

I like what UO said. If you're in an unhealthy place internally, then the choices you make during an A are a lot more limited than we delude ourselves to believe. We chose to say "yes" instead of "no". That's really the choice we had the most control over. And if the person who received "yes" knew we were in a relationship... well, that's even more limited, because there are a lot of people in the world who would have said "no" for that reason alone.

Simply cheating is choosing down.

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