I think it's just as curious a comment as the "they lost my unconditional love". Um, what??? You keep using that word but I don't think it means what you think it does (one of the most brilliant lines in a movie).
If you have poor self esteem you affair down? Wouldn't you have also married "down" or is that you just got lucky?
Low self esteem and your "picker" connection merely means you will sometimes be drawn to shiny overlooking gold. Drawn to pieces never considering you're worth a whole. As long as there's something to take from it that works that's enough for now.
You need to have that same view of yourself as well. That's the tragedy right there. As is said on here so often, "there are no perfect marriages". True, but there are also relationships so barren and void of any sustenance that the partners are starving to death.
If you're in the desert and you find a glass of water you think you give two shits the condition of the glass.
When you learn to self sustain, not needing anyone for survival you may just find you look for entirely different things than you ever did because your offer entirely different things so attract a different individual.
It's like voldemort. The host is only the carrier. You need someone else to be you. Not healthy or safe...for anyone.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth