BH Cee64D - 50
ICFI, all WS want things to be "okay" but one thing we have to accept is we cannot control the pace of healing for our BS. We can work on ourselves (we *must* work on ourselves) and help our BS heal but they will go at their own pace.
Another thing WS must accept is that the marriage/relationship will not be the same, regardless of outcome. By our choice to have an A, we killed the one we had. It's dead and there is no resuscitating it. However, if R is attempted, the opportunity to build a different relationship is there. One that's healthier since both partners know where the weak spots are, know what needs torn down and rebuilt and where the walls and windows need to be.
But one thing to keep in mind is, regardless of how strong the new relationship is there will always be the stain of the A present. That's one thing that will be built in no matter what. It will always be there. However that doesn't mean it has to be a weak spot. Through consistent work we can shore it up so it doesn't compromise the stability of the relationship.
As for communication, it has to be both ways. I understand getting sngry over what is essentially stupid shit and I'm something of a stuffer myself. I was taught from an early age to keep my temper under control. Which I took to mean I wasn't allowed to get angry.
One thing that might help you is, net time you have the thought "WTF am I pissed about? This is stupid!" is say it out loud. Just stop and say "It's stupid to be pissed about this." It'll break the tension and make you think about why you're actually angry.
With your SO you could help him by letting him know it's safe to share his feelings with you. That's why I'm a bit of a stuffer myself. I didn't feel safe sharing them with anyone for fear of dismissal, that my feelings didn't matter to anyone but me. That led to stuffing them then getting angry because I "had to" stuff them which led to stuffing that anger and so on. Vicious cycle which eventually led to a total meltdown where the stupidest thing set me off. Now, I feel safer sharing what I feel with my H because I know he won't just dismiss them as being of no importance or of having no relevance.
One last thing to keep in mind. R takes a lot of patience on both sides. Your SO needs to be patience with you as you work on your issues and repair your brokenness and you need to be patient with your SO as he processes this hell you put him in. Neither of you should try to rush either process. It will happen when (or if) it happens.
FWW (me) - 51
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.