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So limbo is over, he wants a divorce

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WishingForLethe posted 3/21/2013 08:17 AM

So last night he told me the M is over. Apparently he has been trying to get the courage to tell me he wanted to divorce me since October.

He loves me, but can't move past what I did. He is proud of the person I have become, but it is not enough to rekindle the marriage. Then we spent the rest of the night crying and holding each other. He also forgave me.

Part of me is shattered because I really thought if I put enough into the relationship, I could save it. Part of me knows it will be better in the future to not be in limbo, but it is hard to see that at the moment.

There is a tiny cynical part that thinks it is awfully convenient this happened as soon as I found out he will be working with the girl he was involved in the EA with (before and during my A).

In the end, I cannot control his choices. I love him enough that I honestly want him to be happy. If he can't be happy with me, and if he needs to leave to heal, I won't make it harder on him. I am going to try to accept this as gracefully as possible and not cause him any more hurt. We have our children (dear God this will devastate them), so we will always be in each other's lives. I don't want to be a source of any more pain for him. I guess this is part of taking responsibility for my choices.

We will talk tonight about how to handle this. As soon as I can pull myself together, I will go tell my parents, but I won't let anyone say anything negative about him.

I just don't know what to do. Was that the last time he will hold me? I am trying to be mature, but I feel like a lost child.

misskirby posted 3/21/2013 08:23 AM

I'm very sorry to hear that, Wishing. I wish you both peace and strength to get through this.

BaxtersBFF posted 3/21/2013 08:28 AM

I sorry Wishing. I know it isn't the outcome you wanted.

There is nothing wrong with mourning the loss. In fact, it is probably the most healthy thing you can do for yourself. And you can continue to work on yourself too. There is growth afterward.

The whole deal with him working with his AP again does seem to make this rather convenient, especially with his admission that he has been trying to work up the courage to tell you since October.


SandAway posted 3/21/2013 08:28 AM

I am so sorry for you. It is my biggest fear that ultimately, my A is something my BH can't move past either. I admire you BH honestly though.

And that cynical part about the coworker - Don't do that to yourself. Its that voice in our head that led us in the wrong direction to begin with. Let that go, for your own sanity.


WishingForLethe posted 3/21/2013 08:33 AM

SandAway- you are right. I need to let my suspicion go. It is probably me trying to deflect blame from myself. It doesn't matter anyway.

tired girl posted 3/21/2013 08:43 AM

Oh Wishing, I am so sorry. I know you have put everything you have into this R and have really grown in the time you have been here.

You sound like you have a good grip on the direction you need to go. You will need to grieve the loss of this marriage. We will be here when you need support.

Big hugs. I know how hard this is.

tired girl posted 3/21/2013 08:43 AM

Double post

[This message edited by tired girl at 8:45 AM, March 21st (Thursday)]

thecaves posted 3/21/2013 08:54 AM

I am so sorry for you. I feel for you big time this morning and am sad right there with you.

I echo Sandaways words about this being one of my biggest fears, the no matter what I do, it will never be enough for my BW to move past the hurt that I have caused her.

Focus now on healing yourself and taking care of your kids.

EmotionalFool posted 3/21/2013 08:58 AM


Aubrie posted 3/21/2013 09:02 AM

I'm so sorry Wishing.


Brandon808 posted 3/21/2013 09:08 AM

Sorry to hear that

itainteasy posted 3/21/2013 11:44 AM


silverhopes posted 3/21/2013 12:44 PM

There is a tiny cynical part that thinks it is awfully convenient this happened as soon as I found out he will be working with the girl he was involved in the EA with (before and during my A).

If he goes on to do that, that's on him. It means he chose to remain a wayward.

You didn't. You changed and you grew. Mourn your relationship, mourn your choices, but don't blame yourself for his. Keep growing.


hurt2005 posted 3/21/2013 13:04 PM


uncertainone posted 3/21/2013 13:13 PM

Wishing, you are an amazing woman and have grown so very much.

Yeah, timing is quite interesting. Regardless, that's on him.

Your response and plan shows exactly how much you've grown.

My thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry.

badchoice posted 3/21/2013 17:26 PM

So sorry to hear this.

You sound as though you are ready to let go of him even though it is not the outcome you wanted. It will make co-parenting your children much easier in the long long.

I wish you and BH peace as you go through this.

MissesJai posted 3/21/2013 17:42 PM

oh my...I am so sorry about this Wishing. I echo the others sentiments. You have grown so much and it's evident in your postings here. Don't be afraid to lean on us as much as you need. We are all here for you. (((Wishing)))

lost_in_toronto posted 3/21/2013 18:19 PM


I have seen how hard you worked. I am sad for you and your family.

budbusch posted 3/21/2013 20:25 PM

I am so sorry. It is hard to think you work on yourself and you M but all your effort didn't give you what you wanted. I hope your family can make peace of it all.

Continue working on you and being the best you can be.

Darkness Falls posted 3/23/2013 14:30 PM


I just saw this and wanted to respond.

I'm very sorry to hear this.


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