The hard part for me was not "blaming" my parents.
I reached a peace about this a while ago, but it wouldn't hurt to refresh it. Besides, it takes more than just a solemn vow to yourself to avoid something - it takes active awareness and realization of key behaviors and knowing how to stop them before they get out of hand that actually solves the problem.
I see it differently now of course, but there are boundaries in place with my folks now. I still love them, but there're boundaries.
Like not letting parents dictate how you deal with your children now?
Why did you choose to do those actions when you knew how much they hurt?
At the time, I was being super-selfish. I didn't care whether my actions hurt or not. I wanted what I wanted (or, rather, what it was I thought I wanted, thanks to my SA), and I didn't care who got hurt so long as I got what I wanted: sympathy, attention, sexual attention, and so on. I also had very poor boundaries (I literally considered my life an open book to anyone, save for the parts I was covering up out of shame/imperfection), so that allowed me to permit myself to do these things.
Written? Who were you writing to and why was your wife the subject of these missives?
Written and spoken, both, I'm afraid. All APs. As mentioned before, it was a ploy for sympathy and attention.