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stop proofing

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sicktomy posted 3/23/2013 08:14 AM

During our Mc session this week I was told I "proof" a lot. When confronted with a character flaw or something I've done wrong I give reasons as to why I acted that way and why it made sense. I need to stop this as it simply comes off as denial and excuses. I think I need to realize the other person was giving their opinion, not attacking me and thus no response is needed. I hope I can look at myself and figured out if I need to change the behavior.

Responses from bs are welcomed, I forgot to remove stop sign

[This message edited by sicktomy at 8:27 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)]

BaxtersBFF posted 3/23/2013 08:58 AM

Once the stop sign is on, BS's can't respond, even if you want them to.

So when you talk to people, do you always try to offer a response or a solution? Do you always perceive that they are asking for help?

One of the best things I've learned (although I still struggle with it...) is to not respond with anything more than a simple appropriate acknowledgement. My BW says I have a habit of telling her what she should do, pretty much with anything she talks to me about. Sometimes she just wants to say something and not have someone tell her what to do. Is that something you have a problem with?

sicktomy posted 3/23/2013 09:01 AM

I think you are 100 percent right

ProbableIceCream posted 3/24/2013 22:50 PM

I do this, and I've seen my wife do it. I think the main problem with doing it is that it comes across as not really listening to what they're saying and instead focusing on defending yourself (even if that's not what's intended).

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