Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

Wayward Side :
stop proofing

This Topic is Archived
default

 sicktomy (original poster member #36479) posted at 2:14 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

During our Mc session this week I was told I "proof" a lot. When confronted with a character flaw or something I've done wrong I give reasons as to why I acted that way and why it made sense. I need to stop this as it simply comes off as denial and excuses. I think I need to realize the other person was giving their opinion, not attacking me and thus no response is needed. I hope I can look at myself and figured out if I need to change the behavior.

Responses from bs are welcomed, I forgot to remove stop sign

[This message edited by sicktomy at 8:27 AM, March 23rd (Saturday)]

Me (WH - 37)
Her (BS - 35)zayda1
Married 7 years, together for 9
2 children (5 years & 2 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12

posts: 60   ·   registered: Aug. 14th, 2012
id 6269318
default

BaxtersBFF ( member #26859) posted at 2:58 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

Once the stop sign is on, BS's can't respond, even if you want them to.

So when you talk to people, do you always try to offer a response or a solution? Do you always perceive that they are asking for help?

One of the best things I've learned (although I still struggle with it...) is to not respond with anything more than a simple appropriate acknowledgement. My BW says I have a habit of telling her what she should do, pretty much with anything she talks to me about. Sometimes she just wants to say something and not have someone tell her what to do. Is that something you have a problem with?

WH - 49
BW - gerrygirl

posts: 6125   ·   registered: Dec. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Tri-Cities
id 6269348
default

 sicktomy (original poster member #36479) posted at 3:01 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

I think you are 100 percent right

Me (WH - 37)
Her (BS - 35)zayda1
Married 7 years, together for 9
2 children (5 years & 2 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12

posts: 60   ·   registered: Aug. 14th, 2012
id 6269352
default

ProbableIceCream ( member #37468) posted at 4:50 AM on Monday, March 25th, 2013

I do this, and I've seen my wife do it. I think the main problem with doing it is that it comes across as not really listening to what they're saying and instead focusing on defending yourself (even if that's not what's intended).

posts: 881   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012
id 6271213
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy