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After 27 years I destroyed my wife

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hurtmywife27 posted 3/24/2013 18:39 PM

I have been M for over 27 years. I Love my wife more then life. We are always together, 6 years ago I started looking on the website but never acted. But I found a HK on line and thinking of myself and my sexual desires I got a BJ in my car did it twice and was heading for the 3rd and would have continued if I didn't get caught. I Love Her she was my soul mate. What Did I do? I didn't want a GF nor do I. But what I did to her was wrong. How do I get my BF back?

longroadahead22 posted 3/24/2013 19:01 PM

welcome to SI, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but you will find all the support and guidance you need her.

I was asking the same question when i first joined...what did i do?

But really you needed to be asking yourself why did you do it? what choices and unhealthy thinking lead you down this path? why did you think it was ok to step outside of your M?

once you start asking and answering the "why's" is when the real work begins. It begins by fixing yourself. by making yourself a safe and healthy partner for your W.

if you haven't already I highly recommend reading in the healing library located on the left hand side of the page.

good look! and we are all here to help.

hurtmywife27 posted 3/24/2013 19:22 PM

Thank You. I am sitting next to her and if you ever seen how beautiful my wife is. You would have kicked the crap out of. My sons friends tells them you have one hot mom. But she is not only beautiful, she cares like no one else I know. We hardly ever fight, argue. She is my best friend. How stupid, Irresponsible and selfish can I have been.

annb posted 3/24/2013 21:19 PM

Hi, hurtmywife27, welcome to SI. I am sorry for you and your wife, infidelity is a painful blow to a marriage, even when the WS is remorseful. You must be patient with your wife, a nuclear bomb has just been dropped on her life.

Please check out the Healing Library in the upper left hand corner. It is a great resourse for both wayward spouses and betrayed spouses.

Weekends are a bit slow, but there are some awesome members here who will help you through this process.

How do I get my BF back?

^^Showing her true remorse, being patient, and finding out what gave you the green light to do this.

200% commitment to the marriage.

Everything must be put on the back burner until your wife begins to feel safe again....understand this is a marathon, not a sprint, it will not take weeks or months but years.

It will be your consistent actions that show your devotion to her. Right now actions speak louder than words, in her eyes your words are meaningless.

It would be a good idea for her to seek counseling as well.

uncertainone posted 3/25/2013 01:49 AM


Aubrie posted a great response to this on another thread.


hurtmywife27 posted 3/25/2013 10:58 AM

I am still floored in what I did. I was never a cheater, our sex life took a down turn, but I should have talked to her first before I made this bad judgement call. Now I regret every minute and my wife is right if I didn't get caught I wouldn't feel regret. I always had the oppertunity to cheat but I always looked at my wife as my world and would never do that to her, But I Did. Thinking that it wasn't bad to get paid oral sex so there was no emotions and not thinking about my wifes emotions. I feel like the biggest dirt bag on this earth. Anyone else have this problem or answers.

hardlessons posted 3/25/2013 11:04 AM

Hurt, why do you think you allowed yourself to make this choice?

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