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Chefj9 posted 3/24/2013 23:23 PM

Since the NC request went to to the OW as a text that I was never allowed to see. Would it be ok to ask him to send an actual email that I'm copied on? It's been since 2/16, I'm wondering if its to late. As far as I can tell there has been no attempts on her part to contact him, and she emailed me that neither if us should contact her, but I just feel like this step is/was incomplete.

hitbyatruck posted 3/24/2013 23:34 PM

Why weren't you allowed to see the NC text?

I would not make another attempt at an NC email/text/call.

She has asked you not to contact her anymore.

I would be making sure as best you can that NC is still in place. There are so many different way to break NC that it is hard to track everything, just do the best you can.

[This message edited by hitbyatruck at 11:13 AM, March 25th (Monday)]

Chefj9 posted 3/24/2013 23:52 PM

Because he refused to let me see it. He's since told me what it supposedly said, but I want to see it and I want her to know I'm part of it.

Because clearly they can't be trusted.

Bikingguy posted 3/25/2013 08:02 AM

You do have a right to see what he wrote. But I think it also depends on your situation. I have to admit the negative paranoid side wonders what he wrote and if it just went underground. Sorry if I just put more thoughts in your head.

For me, the NC was actually initiated from OM and his BW. She insisted on NC and was there when OM voice mailed fWW to say it was over and to never contact each other again. I was informed a week later and have also thought about having fWW sent something so I could be a part of that. However I was able to confirm the NC with OMWS - we were all "friends".
Has WH opened up all his email, facebook and other accounts? I think his actions forward might provide some insight as well.

Chefj9 posted 3/27/2013 16:11 PM

Yes, everything is open. I don't think he took it underground and do believe that there's NC on his end. I don't however believe that she won't try to contact him. He has PROMISED me that if she does, he will let me know immdiately.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but have so many reasons to be exactly that!

Changed72 posted 3/27/2013 17:31 PM

Total transparency, is what you need and what you deserve.

If my WW was hiding anything from me, that would be it... End of story, just couldn't deal with it anymore.

I said to her once...
If you guys were just friends, you wouldn't have to hide your friendship from me.

He should have nothing to hide from you.

HeartInADustpan posted 3/27/2013 21:15 PM

I feel with you, Chefj9. My WH sent his NC by text as well on DDay#1 and I wasn't able to see it. She later sent an email subjected "Closure" that I got to read and his response. WH and I hadn't read any books or knew anything about how to proceed in the aftermath of A, but his reply was that he wanted to still be "just friends".

He deleted his old email account and opened a new one. I later mentioned, and he realized as well, that "just friends" was NOT NC. He was nice enough to suggest we open a joint email account specifically to send her an "official" NC letter then close it because he didn't want her having his email address. This was a couple months after DDay#1. I don't think it's ever too late if that's what you need and I think your WS would understand.

Anyway, point is, I know what it feels like to not know what was said in that final text message and it does cross my mind at times.

Hang in there!