How are you guys feeling today?
I am feeling beaten down and bruised(mentally, not physically). I'm still struggling with allowing myself to feel the true grief and devastation I've caused BSO, myself, and our relationship.
Our first dday was in April 2012. As were get closer to it, BSO continues to be angry, sad depressed, and to withdraw, further away from me, from us. I'm just overwhelmed with sadness and helplessness. He feels to me like he has given up. He doesn't want to talk anymore and his hurt transparent and constant. I want to hold him and make him feel safe.
My main struggle with this is, I feel like I'm not allowing myself to mourn at all. I have this tremendous sense of guilt about feeling my emotions. I've discovered through working on myself, this guilt goes all the way back to childhood. I'm working hard on this. It's changing, It doesn't happen as often, and when it does, I try to break it down and work through it. Today though, it just sucker punched me in the gut. I just feel like my world is just to heavy today. My emotions areso heavy, I can't breathe. Real true debilitating depression like I haven't felt in years. I'm not looking for advice, and I don't have a question, just wanted to open a thread for anyone who might be feeling similarly today. Maybe we can help each other get through the pain and through the day.
[This message edited by cinnamongurl at 6:51 AM, March 25th (Monday)]