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endless, fruitless trolling for dirt

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totallyempty posted 3/27/2013 09:00 AM

i can't seem to stop myself from scouring all available "sources" for further details, deeper truths, etc

he is "SWEARING" that he has told me everything. he asked me this morning what he could possibly have to gain by keeping anything back since i now have all his passwords and know who she is and have her contact info

but i can't seem to let it go

the past two evenings, when he's actually been home from work, i feel strangely calmer and things seem almost...almost normal.

but then in the morning i'm back to full of rage and paranoia

at this point, i feel like my only remaining step is to contact her

i already contacted her when i first found out on sat morning.

BUT this was before i found out anything physical had actually happened.

i was not in a rational state of mind and i called her and left a vmail and then i texted her

she texted me back immediately and said he was not a faithful person - she is his ex - and that he had cheated on her years ago and that she "felt for me."

she said she never pursued him, etc

and i just let it go b/c i had nothing more to say

but now i know something physical happened and he is insisting that it was only kissing and touching. he is insisting it "only started" in Nov '12. he is insisting it only happened 3/4 times...he can't seem to remember exactly (WHAT?!)

so...should i get in touch with her to see if i can bait her to confirm or deny? i know flat out asking wouldn't get me anything, but if i can goad her into trying to "one-up" me, than maybe i'll at least feel like i know the truth

what do you think? thx.

NeverAgain2013 posted 3/27/2013 10:59 AM

I say you strap his ass into a polygraph chair.

Let's see him claim how 'honest' he's being then.

His ex will only lie for him. Cheaters wouldn't know honesty if you shoved it down their throats.

Tell your husband since he insists that he's been honest, you've scheduled a polygraph test so he can prove it to you.

Watch him squirm.

Seriously - Google "Polygraph + (your hometown)" and look at the results.

I'd seriously make an appointment and not tell him until a day or two before. You don't want to give him TOO much time to Google, "How to beat a polygraph test" - because you'll see that in his browser history sure as the sun rises.

[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 11:01 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

LadyQ posted 3/29/2013 10:19 AM

I remember those days. I truly thought I was losing my mind. It was nothing for me to be up until 2 or 3 in the morning looking for more evidence. To this day, I'm not sure if I was hoping there would be nothing or hoping I'd find more. I'm about 3 years out from when I first had rock solid proof, and I have to say I no longer look. I even still looked after I filed for divorce. I think it was in part to prove to myself that he hadn't changed, and I was justified in my decision to file.

It will ease up. In the mean time, if you are looking to reconcile and he's being remorseful, try to limit yourself. It'll only cause you to lose sleep and brain cells. Set yourself "x" number of minutes per day to look and then stick to it.

tushnurse posted 3/29/2013 10:35 AM

It is completely normal to check check check. Lets face it, they have broken trust, and lied. Actions speak oh so much louder than words. Don't let his "not remembering" cause you to feel crazy. He remembers, or is doing a great job of blocking it. I checked, for months, and months. Every source I could. When you continue to find nothing then the need starts to go away.
Call Bologna on him, and tell him you get the whole truth, and if you get anymore I don't remembers that he can pack his shit. Seriously. It's very hard to be the tough guy in these early days, but the sooner you can strap on your Bitch boots, the better off you will be.

((((( and strength)))))

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