1.) How much is too much to share with the other BS? We have told each quite a few intimate details of our marriage already while discussing the details of the A. For example when we met in person I told her that we haven't had sex for x amount of weeks. My WW was not happy with me for sharing such intimate details (the hypocrisy, I know).
@McIlroy. Please do not discuss your conversations of OBS with WW. It provides the arsenal to 'them'. 'They' get to prepare their versions of defence.
You should tell everything to OBS that gets you more information for R or war.
I came to know from OBS that FWW had taken the initiative for A and OM, the flirt he has been, took the opportunity. I found out that OM had told OBS that it was his birthright to screw anyone he feels fit. OM was immature and has a convincing personality. Most important (for me) was that he was showing FWW something he wasn't in his own marriage. That his excuse for A was OBS was pregnant and couldn't satisfy his needs. That FWW was treated badly in marriage (bull).
OBS asked OM what if I come to know after coming back from overseas and confront OM? What explanation would OM give to me?
OM replied to OBS that he would tell me to control my wife first, then talk.
2.) Should I continue to be an open book with my WW over my contact with the other BS? Telling her of every single email and text?
Hell NO! In my case OM threatened OBS to dire consequences of contacting me. I just equipped her with the biased laws of the land for women in my country. I did the right thing because my FWW was misusing them against me as a threat, while OBS had been genuinely tortured mentally and physically.
I told OM on confrontation day that there was a DV in store for him, and he and inlaws behaved well in front of OBS. OBS's MIL became the sweetest of persons.
3.) How do we get past the “us vs. them” mentality? I can’t help but feel like my ally in all of this is now the other BS and the OM and my WW are the “bad guys”. My WW has told me “so what now if I come home from work and had a bad day you’re going to email her saying something’s wrong?”
' us v/s them' is as true as it sounds.
You'll get past as soon as you start a genuine R. Then it'll be only FWW and you. But in a genuine R which means total NC with OM. Till that time it is what you said.
When my FWW gave me a false DV threat, my lawyer asked me to get out of the house. I was already in a 180 but lawyer said get your stuff out as well else it is not ' legally' a 180.
I was informed by PI that the door locks had been changed.
I went to my house at that time in the morning, when the domestic help usually comes. I rang the door bell and FWW woke up thinking it was the domestic help and unlocked the door and didn't see who was at the door. I flung it open to get in. I was accompanied by 2 respectable people of the neighbourhood (laywer's advise which proved helpful later)
I was also accompanied by my father, my best friend and a rental truck dude to help me take my stuff.
FWW was taken by surprise. She said she wanted to talk to me in private. (she didn't know I was in touch with OBS all the time even in 180).
I said time for talking was over , it was time for action. But people from neighbourhood insisted that I listen to her for once. I replied I'll talk after taking my stuff out.
After everything was out, FWW and me started talking alone.
She: all PI evidences are bull. It's not what you think it is.
Me: those evidences are for me, and you have full right to deny them.
She: You think hanging around with a person is evidence? It's common nowadays.
Me: I have evidences that you spend 7-8 hours at OMs love nest under the pretext of working from home.
She: everyone in our team goes to his house to work every now and then. He is the manager after all.
Me: then what is the office facility for?
She: when you were not around, your father made sexual advances towards me.
THAT WAS IT. I COULDN'T HEAR ANYMORE. I know my father too well for this crap.
Me: I have evidences from OBS and I know your office is taking action against you guys. Is that false as well. (I prepared to leave). I gave you a chance to come clean and offered an R, but you chuckled and said I was delusional and went ahead to call your brother in front of me that I was accusing you of A.
Now that I have all kinds of evidences you want to TALK? You have denied evidences and put false allegations on my father? In that case I don't want to talk.
I told her that she was sleeping with OM to get good increments and promotions and I don't want to a part of that money. I told her people who sell their bodies for money are called 'prostitutes'.
And I got out.
While this ordeal was going on, an old lady was enquiring of my father what was going on and who am I?
My father told the old lady that I was FWWs husband. She was shocked and to my father that she heard my DS of 3 years referring to OM as 'Daddy' :'( while playing in the nearby garden when FWW was with OM.
It broke me to bits.
My lawyer sent notices to 2 police stations that there might be a false DV coming and we were called and showed evidences.
We registered a trespassing complaint against OM. When FWW came to know about the complaint she went to the police station first to file a DV. But was not filed because of the legal notice. My FWW is a daughter of an ex cop and started teaching the cops about laws for women. She was asked to get a lawyer. She searched the net through her phone and contacted a lawyer.
Later her I found out her lawyer told that even if DV was filed, the magistrate would throw the case in the bin as it was filed as a defence for my complaint against OM. FWW said that her laywer become lawyer for OM.
Later on NC was signed in the police station and OM was treated badly by cops and my friends. I have written the whole saga elsewhere in my recent posts.
A few days Later as a revenge, my FWW filed a complaint of theft, rowdism, and molestation against my father, my friends who had come to help me with my stuff, and me.
The police called me, as their duty, and I gave a ring to the respected neighbours who were there as witnesses while I collected my stuff.
The police talked to them separately, and both of them gave the same account as it had actually transpired.
One of the neighbours said, my father, friends and me were treated to coffee and biscuits while we waited for an equivalent of a U haul truck came along.
At this, I asked the police, 'who treats molesters with coffee and biscuits after a molestation bid is over'.
ETA: about the alleged theft, she alleged that I had stolen her passport. My God.
When I was overseas, I had planned on a nice vacation for 3 weeks out of country as a reunion. FWW and DS passports were given by FWW herself to the travel agent who affixed travel VISAS after paying about 4500$ for the travel, airfare hotel et al.
The police called the travel agent who confirmed that the passports were with him at his office since 09/2012.
At this my lawyer jumped in and said : in the complaint, it is written that passports stolen on 11/23/2012 but as per travel agent, passports were given for visa affixtion sometime on 09/2012 and never collected after that. This means the complaint is false.
My FWW was so hellbent on getting me arrested that she had the audacity to ask: who gave my passport to travel agent then? It was given w/o my permission.
At this My lawyer said if My client was overseas then My client could not have given it from overseas. It was either FWW or someone else, but certainly not the people in the complaint.
End of ETA.
The police asked my FWW and FIL to leave in a very unpleasant manner.
The reason for writing all this is to show you how OM and FWW can plan things which you never thought was possible. Sorry for the long post.
[This message edited by Happydays at 2:50 PM, March 27th (Wednesday)]