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irq2004 posted 3/27/2013 16:51 PM

Hello All,

Just found this website a few days ago and thought I would give it a try. I would love to hear from others enduring this crap to try and get some outside opinions. So here goes. My wife of almost ten years finally confessed to Two affairs last year. The first was strictly an long distance emotional affair with my former best friend. She continues to this day to swear it never became a physical affair. This former friend does live a good distance away and knowing the situation I am inclined to believe her on that part. Soon after confessing this emotional affair she tells me she slept with an aquantance of ours that we both knew only casually. She swears up and down that there were only two encounters with this other man. One a kiss in their kitchen. Then she went back a few days later for more kissing and ended up sleeping with him.
This news has torn at my very soul. I know that i was not always a perfect husband and that i was away from home alot working (72-104 hours a week ) But this nightmare of her just being able to give herself to another man she hardly knew is haunting me . Since the bombs were dropped she has shown remorse for her actions and we are both now in individual and couples counsling. That is helping but the fact remains she was with someone else who ment nothing to her and now she wants to reconcile.
I would appreciate input from any and all out there dealing with this crap. Thanks

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 3/27/2013 17:04 PM

Hey Irq. Welcome to the club that nobody ever wanted to join. You will find a lot of support and great people here.

Have you had a chance to check out the healing library yet? It's the yellow box in the top left corner of the screen. There are some great articles in there.

I don't know when you DDay was (the day you found out), but I am guessing it was more towards the end of last year?) This is a tricky time, as emotions tend to run all over the place. (They will for quite some time).

Good job getting into counseling. That will help.

Has she broken off contact with her affair partners?

Other, more helpful people will be along, but wanted to let you know that we are here for ya. Sorry you had to join the club.

hopefulmother posted 3/27/2013 17:06 PM

So sorry you are here, but glad you found it so early. I would bet you have read the FAQ's in the library. So helpful. I guess you have decided to stay and work towards R? Did she tell you why she had the A? If she didn't care about them, was it for physical contact? Are you wondering if she does have feelings for these men or just angry that she can be so casual about sex?

irq2004 posted 3/27/2013 17:45 PM

Just some more info. My Dday was December 30, 2012 for the emotional affair and Jan. 5, 2013 when i found out about the physical affair. I do believe that all contact has been broken off from both other men.
I am working toward R with my WW and i know the road ahead will continue to be a rollercoaster.
As for the emotional affair, i can kind of understand how it happened. I hear similar stories all over this website. She was around him alot when he would come visit (remember he is my former best friend) and had know him as long as she has know me ( 10 years ). She still insist that the emotional affair never started up until he had returned to His home 12 hours away. I think this i could at least understand if the affair had been physical. What sickens me and has hurt me the most is that she was able to have such casual sex with a man we both knew but whom she said she felt nothing for emotionally . Although she did confess a physical attraction. Neither one of them was intoxicated, which is a reaccuring theme on what i have labeled a one night stand. Thanks for the replies i look forward to hearing more opinions from people who have been here before.

Rella posted 3/27/2013 18:15 PM


Yes, this hurts. Essentially, you are doing the right thing by going to IC & CC. This is an event that will rock any relationship right to it's foundation, and honestly, many are not able to R. Success depends upon the individuals involved and their ability to commit to the rebuilding process which can take years to successfully accomplish.

I commend you for reaching out here. It's not easy for some (like myself before I became a SI club member) to admit that they need help, and this is a wonderful community sounding board of support.

Please revisit often, and Welcome.


[This message edited by Rella at 6:16 PM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

PointMan posted 3/27/2013 20:48 PM

I know the thought of your wife giving herself to someone she hardly knew if difficult. It happened to my WW as well. My wife said it was strictly sex and thats what made it exciting. No strings attached. No BS. Its possible thats what your wife was after and nothing more. I feel for you. I am 2.5 months out from my dday and its been a wild journey. So sorry that you are here. Its the message board that nobody wants to be on.

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