SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

My significant other has an older phone, and an ipad. I'm quite sure she is cheating with a lot of re flags but no definite proof. Her phone never has any text minutes used and the calls are all people she normally talks to. Is it possible these people just let all calls go to voicemail and then respond. Her phone is always on ring mute and also claimed it wouldn't ring at all (wrong) or on vibrate and always keeps it close by. Any ideas, I know I am missing something here. Her phone has messaging capability SMS capabilities but doesn't that use text minutes? Thanks

[This message edited by betrayed0199 at 7:31 AM, March 28th (Thursday)]

Is her phone a smart phone? There are free texting apps. She could also use this feature on her ipad.

Ipad messaging looks clean as if there has been no activity at all.

[This message edited by betrayed0199 at 7:39 AM, March 28th (Thursday)]

It's not a smart phone, though she is asking for one. I did once check her VM and what I would consider a coded message was there. She said she had no idea what it meant.

Hi,
If she is asking for a smartphone give her one. There are softwares in the market or vendors who will sell preloaded smartphones which will give you call listening, message reading and movement tracking ability without the suspect knowing.

This is only if you suspect foul play.
I feel horrible to type all this, but....

There are so many apps for calling, texting, etc.... If she's on wifi, non of it will show up as data or usage.

The imessage capability of the Ipad has no contacts listed other than family. She says she has no idea how to use imessage and that she's never used it.

Well if her iMessage has only family members listed, think about it. There are only 2 ways to get names in there: Add manually, import address book already on ipad.

Check her address book on the ipad. If she has other names besides family in her address book, she has added the family names manually.

There are lots of apps out there that allow messaging via internet. Skype. Google +, Facebook, etc. Even games have chat ability. I talk to my brother mainly through our Words With Friends games.

If they want to cheat, they can hide it. The question to ask yourself is: Is she behaving like a loving, transparent, equal partner in this relationship?

If the answer is no, talk to her about it.Tell her you want transparency. Ask for explanations and question the explanations. If she has nothing to hide, she won't be defensive.

If the behaviors don't improve, are you willing to live with it or willing to walk away?

The person most willing to walk away in a relationship has the most power.

Thanks folks, There are only family names in the IPAD contact list. My guess is she is using her telephone like a call catcher and then using another phone to call back probably from work. She's the most computer illiterate person I know so someone is definitely coaching her. I caught her in a lie last week and she was nervous as hell. Instead of pushing it more I let her have some time to think about it. Her answer was the lamest excuse I have every heard. She made a few phone calls to friends and my trail evaporated instantly. Another gal left a call on her VM stating in a coded message that everything had been taken care of. She does have an AOL account that I found out from an application she filled out. She said it wasn't hers and the company put that in there. Companies have NO idea what your email address is unless you tell them. Lying weasel.

lol- I just saw a man pushing for an App that allows people to cheat on SHARKS about a month ago. It will allow calls from the person "park" in some cyber-space until the user retrieves them. In turn, their phone will never ring or show the calls to alert the spouse what is up. So sick, that society now endorses cheaters.

Hey betrayed,
First thing I would do is gather all of her electronic devices, phone, iPad, laptop, netbook, etc. Carefully package them up into a box that fits conveniently into your grill. Place said box in the grill. A regular grill is preferable to a gas grill, since you will want to use plenty of lighter fluid on those babies.

Making sure you are a safe distance from your house or any other structures you may want to preserve, I would douse the entire box and its contents with copious lighter fluid and ignite. Be certain to add more lighter fluid as needed to maintain the conflagration. The melting plastic will give you a deep sense of satisfaction and a much more positive future outlook. Trust me.

E.

[This message edited by Edith at 3:02 PM, March 28th (Thursday)]

Betrayed0199 if you want to ever get an honest explanation, don't give her time to make up a lie.

You should have pursued the discrepancies when you first caught her in the lie.

From now on, don't let her off the hook. Don't give her time to create an alibi or plausible explanation. Demand all passwords. Check her phone and email.

If she isn't cheating, you are at least discovering that she is a liar. Decide if you can live with that.

When ever I try to have a rational discussion about any of this things she tries to turn the situation around to ME. "Well what about you!" How do I know you aren't doing this or that!". I can't get any sort of straight answer out of her. Just and vociferous insistence she's doing nothing wrong. She to over react every time.

I'm trying to stay cool but she is trying my patience. She won't give me any info at all.

My wife became very protective of her phone when she started cheating. She slept with it under her pillow and even her favorite daughter wasn't allowed to mess with it. If she's hiding something, there is probably something to hide.

BTW, my kids use their ipods to text.