I went to dinner with the friend I'm living with last night. We've been taking tango lessons together and went to a restaurant that plays live tango. It was a lot of fun dancing with her, lol people looked at us like we were crazy but I had fun. She brought a girlfriend with her and the three of us laughed and talked over dinner for 3 hours.
As we were talking her girlfriend started talking about her ex-husband and how controlling he was. She started saying she'd been so depressed lately and I knew she was a BW. I asked if she needed to vent and she told me her story. I told her I understood the depression and suicidal thoughts. I told her I'd cheated on my SO and confessed. That I was trying to do anything to make it up to him and become a better person and partner. She nodded through it and said well my ex never even tried at least you're working on you. Then I said that he'd cheated recently and described it and she was so angry. She said "so you're working on you trying so hard, he knows how much it hurts and he does it back. What the hell? If you give him another shot he needs to do as much as you have.."
I was floored! I did not expect it and was shocked. I have never opened up to anyone besides family about what was going on in my life and it felt terrifying showing who I am completely but I accepted that this is something I have done and is part of my life. I truly think last night helped me accept me a little more.
"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." Ernie Banks