Does the brain ever stop working on the whole mess of an A, false R, D, etc?
It's been 5 years, 2 months since D-Day 1. I'm divorced and very happy now, feeling like I've really gotten to a good place and healed up quite a bit.
The other day I was driving along listening to a Beatle mix CD I listen to a lot, and the song "If I Fell" came on (opening lines: "If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help me understand"). Even though I've listened to it probably a million times in the past 5 years, my brain suddenly flashed on a scene a little past D-Day when we were at a bar, he was still playing in the POS's band, and he plugged in his iPod to play music over the bar's PA system. He specifically played that song and I smiled at him, thinking he was playing it to make me feel better cuz it was a Beatles' song (POS never liked Beatles - thank heavens!).
So now I'm driving along 5 years later, hear the opening lines of the song, that bar scene flashes in my mind and I now see her reaction. She had been rummaging in a box of gear, and when the song started to play, she stood up quickly, looked at my WH, looked at me, got a pissed look on her face and went back to furiously rummaging, almost throwing stuff around.
DUH!!! Ex's whole schpiel with me had been that he'd never actually said the words I Love You to her, so somehow he wasn't actually cheating on me. And that song was yet another way he had meant for her to believe he loved her without saying the words. There was no other reason for a Beatles' song to be on his band iPod at all except that he'd played it for her during their A as a wooing gesture.
It was like a(nother) slap in the face to realize all that in an instant, but then I wondered why on earth my subconscious is still doing this to me all these years later! I really don't need to have any more crap about their A revealed to me. Really!
Does this keep happening? When does it ever stop??
edited for a little clarity...
[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 7:49 AM, March 30th (Saturday)]