@Baxter if you reread her post, their Dday was just days ago. I know yours and gerrygirl's was some time ago so perhaps the memory of those first days have faded. Those first days when the BS changes their mind every few minutes or hours about what they wanted.
slo, I took your post as saying that you're determined to show your BS that you will fight to show him you're committed to repairing the damage you've done to him and the M and fixing yourself. The repair starts by completely answering his questions with total honesty. It's not the A that kills the M, it's lies and deceit afterward. It will hurt being that honest but it's necessary. You'll feel like crap and feel ashamed but your H deserves the entire truth.
Transparency is just as important. If you haven't already, hand over *all* passwords and security codes. Let him look at what he wants, when he wants. He who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.
Get yourself into councelling. Find your why. Dig deep. There are many things that led to your choice, find what started you on that path. This won't be easy, looking at yourself with the blinders off and taking full responsibility for your choices. You'll find out things you don't like about yourself but it's necessary that you face them and own them.
Do this last not for your H but for you. To make yourself healthier, safer to be with.
The wayward's journey to healing is a long, hard one but not one that needs to be travelled alone. The trail has been blazed, all you need to do is follow it. Yes, you'll encounter obstacles but we're here to help you past them. This is not to say we'll do the work for you. We can't. It's for you to do the work but we can guide you, help you avoid the mistakes we made, give you support when you need it and help you through the process of healing.
You seem to have taken some good first steps. Keep going in that direction.
[This message edited by Clarrissa at 12:29 AM, March 31st (Sunday)]